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Parenting

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Original poster

Mother in law

9 replies

Mariecurie2 · 12/04/2022 19:22

Please tell me if I'm out of line here but I feel as if I'm not. So my SO's mother in law came over for dinner, my husband asked for my three week old daughter to be settled ready for dinner so the MIL did this but was unsuccessful. I then said I would change her nappy and feed her to get her settled, as I went to feed her my husband says in front of his mum ' mum can feed her can't she'. Now I felt like I was put in a position here and had no choice but to hand her over for the mother to feed. I feel she would be settled and we'd all be eating dinner now if I had done it. It frustrated me to watch. Am I in the wrong here? Please help as it's playing on my mind.

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user8765 · 12/04/2022 19:38

Your 3 weeks postpartum that's a really emotional time. Things that in a way aren't that big can feel big. Your likely to feel quite protective over your DC who probably would prefer you to feed him/her and would settle better for you.
I suppose your DH knew your MIL wanted to feed the baby. He probably didn't mean to upset you but should not have put you on the spot. I think you just need a conversation with him next time beforehand.
I do remember when my DC where tiny I felt like everyone had to have a turn. It would drive me mad especially if I could tell they were doing something the baby didn't like/I knew I could settle the cry in seconds. Looking back I wish I would have just said something politely but firmly.

NotTheOW · 12/04/2022 19:39

He put you in a difficult position. He could have said "would you like mum to feed her or is it best for you to do it?" And let you decide. Your child is not a doll for passing round.

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjj · 12/04/2022 19:44

@NotTheOW

He put you in a difficult position. He could have said "would you like mum to feed her or is it best for you to do it?" And let you decide. Your child is not a doll for passing round.

This x1000! Couldn't have said it any better

At three weeks old a baby should be with her mummy whenever baby or mother want/need this! No matter what others think

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ViaRia · 12/04/2022 20:41

It really depends on what he’s like and what he intended when he said that. So it’s hard to tell. However if you think he handled it poorly, talk to him about it to help him know for next time.

In future, a good response from you would have been “No, that’s ok thank you. I would like to do it”. It’s not confrontational and it’s hard for anyone to argue.

Cyw2018 · 12/04/2022 20:44

One of the many reasons I breastfed (sorry if you tried but were unable to), it made these situations so much easier to deal with.

luxxlisbon · 12/04/2022 20:45

It does really depend on your partner and relationship in general. Does he put other people about you frequently or could he have wanted his mum to do it so that you could have a break?

Just remember going forward that you do have a choice, you could be polite and still say ‘no thank you I would just prefer to settle her myself’.

NameChangeCity123 · 12/04/2022 20:45

@user8765

Your 3 weeks postpartum that's a really emotional time. Things that in a way aren't that big can feel big. Your likely to feel quite protective over your DC who probably would prefer you to feed him/her and would settle better for you. I suppose your DH knew your MIL wanted to feed the baby. He probably didn't mean to upset you but should not have put you on the spot. I think you just need a conversation with him next time beforehand. I do remember when my DC where tiny I felt like everyone had to have a turn. It would drive me mad especially if I could tell they were doing something the baby didn't like/I knew I could settle the cry in seconds. Looking back I wish I would have just said something politely but firmly.

Could not agree more and if we are lucky enough to have a second child, I round def be less obliging with people 'having a wee shot' and more focused on what's best for baby and me, you could say the midwives and health visitor advise parents only feed for better bonding initially if you feel you want to say something other than 'no'

DuggeeHugPlease · 12/04/2022 21:01

You're totally within your rights to want your tiny baby with you and not to hand her over to others if you're not comfortable with that.

I'm also not sure about asking for her to be settled ready for dinner. Perhaps I'm missing the tone/motivation but I just don't think little tiny babies like that respond to other peoples schedules. Perhaps I'm being unfair and he wanted you to be able to enjoy a quiet dinner but it doesn't sit quite right. I spent most mealtimes for the first few months eating one handed while feeding my newborns.

Original poster

Mariecurie2 · 12/04/2022 22:13

Thank you for your advice.. I will just have a quiet conversation with my husband, but it's nice to know I wasn't overthinking it and that puts my mind at ease.

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