Nursery

[Whathefisgoingon]

My 26 month old is due to start nursery this month and I’m starting to panic.

We had covid in February and since then he has one sickness after another. Covid, roseola, and now he’s coming down with something else. This is all without him even being in nursery!

I’m not working so he doesn’t have to go, but he is such a sociable little boy and spends all his time at the park etc chasing after other kids and trying to play, share toys etc. The logical next step to me was nursery, however most mums I have spoken to are telling me to look forward to the bite marks and if I’m sending him in to make friends then it’s pointless! So, if he’s just going to spend his time at nursery still desperate for friends with the added pressure of getting sick constantly, is there any point?

And finally, the nursery have a minimum amount of hours they’ll take a child for which means he’s going in for 3 half days a week. Ideally I only want him to go for 2. I’m told I can’t just “keep him off” for the third day despite paying for it, because others may want to place. How does this actually work? Is that true?

The reason they say 3 is mostly due to children settling better with a more consistent attendance.
My son attends nursery and loves it. He has a little bubble of friends that hes so excited to see and we even have play dates with his friends outside of nursery hours. So if hes a social kid I'm sure he will thrive.

They will pick up all the lurgy but that settles down after a couple of months and will happen regardless when he starts mixing more with other kids or go to school.

A minimum amount is perfectly normal as it enables children to settle better.

Yes he will get sick being at nursery, but this will happen regardless of when he starts mixing with large numbers of children be it at a nursery, childminder or at school. It's perfectly normal and shortlived in the long run.

I'm not sure why the parents your talking about are saying no one will play with him, he won't make friends and he will get bitten through. That's not my experience of nursery at all.

If he doesn't get the bugs at nursery he'll get them at school so may as well build up his immune system when it doesn't matter too much him missing days. My daughter started end of Feb and has so far only done two weeks due to sicknesses so it's likely he won't often do his 3 half days anyway. I've not heard of nurserys having min days though, my friend is sending her son to pre school when he'll be about 26 months and he's doing two mornings.
Also, 2 out of my 3 best friends I made at nursery at his age so it is possible to create life long friendships at nursery ☺️
Could you look at the pre school for the primary school he's likely attending? He's more likely to make friends there that will then join him in school and they might not have the min hour requirements.

My daughter was never bitten at nursery, what an odd thing for your friend to say.

Better to catch all the bugs at nursery than at school IMO but if you don't want to send him, then don't!

I’ve got two DC and neither have ever come home with bite marks, yes it happens now and again to some children but it’s not an assumption that your child will get hurt. My youngest is a similar age and loves the social aspect of nursery and it’s been really good for his development.
Also the bugs will hit at any point you decided to start him at nursery so now is as good a time as any

Better for him to build his immune system now & be less ill when he gets to school! If you avoid it now, it’ll come at you in reception & you’ll get school pressuring you about absences etc. In nursery, if they are sick, you can just keep them at home no biggie!

I’ve had 2 children in 3 different nurseries (covid/WFH & a house move mean we’ve used a few). Never once had any biting incidents. I’m sure it happens, some kids are biters but any decent nursery will be hot on the kids that do it & stamping it out. And I’ve no idea why your friends would say they won’t make friends.. of course they will. I’m an ex EYFS teacher. I’ve worked in nurseries & schools. Friendship is very transient in the early years, they drift from kid to kid but that doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful or important. They start to recognise the same kids each session & develop relationships with them. Nurseries having minimum sessions is pretty much the norm. It’s to allow children to have time to settle. You send your kid 1x morning a week, it’s pointless. They’ll find it hard to settle, hard to make friends & hard to bond with staff. They are barely there. 2x mornings is OK but 3 is definitely better. Most nurseries will have a majority of kids who attend 2/3 full days a week. Your child attending part time will have a much better shot at building & maintaining friendships being their 3 mornings a week.

The other option is to look at doing 2 full days. That way you get 5 days with no nursery at all. Rather than 3 half days & only 4 full days per week 🤷🏼‍♀️

As others have said, he will get bugs and that is all part of him building his immune system.

My son got bitten once at nursery. Some kids are biters, but nursery deal with it. They made a massive fuss of my son.

The minimum time is to help them settle in and get used to being there. As he gets closer to school age it's worth upping the days so he gets used to that rhythm. My 3 year old started out doing 3 mornings and after Easter (when her funding starts) she's going up to 4 mornings.

You really can't just keep him off on the third day. It's not fair on him and it's not fair on any other parent who wants that day.

however most mums I have spoken to are telling me to look forward to the bite marks and if I’m sending him in to make friends then it’s pointless!

What a bizarre thing for your friend to say

So, if he’s just going to spend his time at nursery still desperate for friends with the added pressure of getting sick constantly, is there any point?

Well, 2 year olds don't generally "have friends" as such - they just play with whoever is near them. So, he will be learning to play first alongside, and then with other children, which is a hugely valuable skill. Children are generally less predictable than adults and there are a whole lot of subtle skills that dc learn about being with other people.
They also get the chance to do things you perhaps wouldn't do at home, in terms of far more crafts and mucky stuff, and of course a far greater range of toys and activities.

If he has already had every illness going, he might have built up some immunity and not get poorly very much, but if he is going to, far better to do it at Nursery age than school.

Send him to nursery if you want a break and you can afford it. But I don’t think it socialises them anymore than going to toddler groups. Not at 2 anyway. My DS goes 3 days/week out of necessity. We’ve had bad and good phases for illness. Never been bitten or bitten anyone yet, touch wood.

Thanks all.

I suppose friends is the wrong term. But, wherever we go, if there are children, he is straight up to them and trying to play. Copying older kids, sharing his toys out, finding toys and taking them to other kids. I think he’s so ready for nursery, I’m just feeling a bit guilty about it having heard the horror stories.

I guess we will see how it goes and I can always take him out of it doesn’t work out. This is purely for his benefit, after all.

Yeah see how it goes, but do give it a proper go. At least 3 months if not more.