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Overbearing FIL

4 replies

1992Zakki · 11/04/2022 20:38

I have an 8 week old baby. It is my first baby. My husband and I are living with his parents until we can save for our own place.

My FIL is a strange character, he often makes inappropriate jokes which make me uncomfortable. But I put this down to him wanting to be centre of attention as he always has to be the one that is heard in the room and centre of a conversation. When in gatherings if conversations aren't focused around him he often leaves the room.

We normally keep our baby in a moses basket when downstairs, when he's sleeping. My Father in law would often walk past not paying any attention to the baby. He also says he doesn't pick up babies as he is scared of dropping them.

I visited my parents for a couple of weeks when I got back it came up in conversation about how my dad was with babies ( my dad is great with his grandchildren and makes a fuss of them when they go around his) I feel like since this conversation my Father in law is constantly over the moses basket, making a fuss of the baby. If I am holding him, my FIL will be hovering around me trying to fuss the baby. He, all of a sudden, wants to start picking the baby up. My baby was crying at dinner the once and he asked to take the baby. I was trying to comfort my baby and I felt a little inadequate when he asked. I left for the hallway and continued to try and calm my baby down. He stood watching through the doorway, and when my baby had quietened he came straight over asking if he had fallen asleep. He hasn't, and started crying again.

I don't understand my FILs sudden change and it really unnerved me and makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure how to deal with it or how to approach it with my husband.

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TheSpottedZebra · 11/04/2022 20:42

Maybe he's just given himself permission to be involved? If your dad can, he can sort of thing.
But it is it is new to him?

Holly60 · 11/04/2022 20:47

Well you have obviously decided that he is competing with your dad, but I wonder if hearing about your dad being hands on inspired him to give it a try. Or if he heard you say it was lovely that your dad made a fuss, maybe he felt you were suggesting that he should be a bit more hands on too?

Perhaps you could guide him a bit as to how to be hands on but not over bearing. ‘I’m ok for now FIL but maybe you could have a little cuddle after dinner, so I can make myself a cup of tea’. Be firm about what would be helpful for you, but do let him be involved, if you see what I mean.

1992Zakki · 11/04/2022 21:47

@TheSpottedZebra
Yeah it's all new to him, my MIL is always saying how he was never involved with raising their kids and he has two older grandchildren with who he wasn't involved either.

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1992Zakki · 11/04/2022 22:12

@Holly60
Yeah I see where your coming from.
It's just so out of character for him. Even my husband was surprised as he hadn't been hands on with his other grandchildren or his kids. And now my MIL keeps saying 'he was never like that with ours' or 'he would never help me with our' which makes me feel quite guilty. I think what makes me feel uneasy is everyone who knows him better, their reactions to how he is.

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