Am I weird for not wanting to go out and have fun?

[parkrunsandpinot]

I have a 14m old DS. Love of my life!

A lot of my mum friends are still wanting to go out at weekends, go on girls weekends, moan about being tied down etc etc, they moan about the monotony of life as a parent and they crave excitement etc etc. I don't feel like this at all but wonder if I'm just boring to be honest.

My son is 14m and I've never left him for longer than two hours (just not needed or wanted to!)
I don't want to go out drinking and have a hangover the next day - couldn't think of anything worse. Not bothered if I never drink again
I certainly couldn't imagine leaving my son and going away for a night yet.

Will this change? Will I be fun again? I feel very happy in my comfy life with my lovely family and feel ever so content. But perhaps I am just a bit boring!

Anyone else feel this way?

Honestly everyone is different so it’s really up to you when you leave him alone for longer

One thing I’d caution though - do try and get out and about before you’re absolutely ready, otherwise you might suddenly feel like you’re stuck a bit in limbo (as I did). Going out and being yourself again is just wonderful, so lovely to come back to the baby again but also great to give dad some time alone with the baby too

Ultimately though you have to do what’s right for you

Thanks @Pyri

DS doesn't sleep well so maybe it's just a lack of energy too (still breastfeeding too which probably doesn't help!)

Yeah, like previous poster said everyone is different so it's up to you if you'd rather stay home. I love going out for date nights with my husband and I'm happy for my son to spend a few hours with his grandparents every week. It's important to me to preserve my close friendships and see my friends without always having a baby in tow either. If you're content to stay home then there's no need to worry about what other mums are doing.

I was the same way with DS1. Super high needs baby who literally did not sleep. He's 2.5 now and I can only trust my MIL to read his cues and respond. I was desperate to get out but knew that no one could look after him properly due to such high needs.

DS2 came along 6 months ago and is the most incredible, happy, easy going little fella. This time I actually don't want to leave him.

So the lack of going out has been on going for around 3 years - including pregnancy. I have lost friends, I am totally out of the loop when it comes to going out for meals/to bars, everything basically revolves around DS and DH.

For me, this has been amazing as people have just left me to it and I don't ever feel obliged to others anymore. I know this may not appeal to everyone but I'm bloody delighted with the way things have worked out!

I felt like you when I had my babies. I do go out now that they're older, but I don't really get the opportunity/invites for weekends away. But I missed out on nothing in those years I stayed at home, you can pick up with old friends just fine. Covid meant so many people needed to reduce their circle a bit.

To be honest, for me it was a relief to have a reason to be able to stop all the relentless socialising, and just stay at home.

You are not ‘boring’ for not wanting to leave your DS for a night out. I wouldn’t dream of going out without my 12 month old DS.

I would say though that if you feel low in energy then you probably need to get more exercise and more time outdoors. It’s not good for DS to be indoors too much either.

I hear you! My DS is 16 months and some people seem to presume I’m craving time away from him to go out etc… I’m not! If I have spare time I’d rather spend it with him than without him!! I had one friend who used to constantly badger me about having nights out but honestly, I’m not that bothered - I’m not interested in those things as much now. My DS has never been a good sleeper either and I still bf so I know what you mean about not having the energy too.

I hear you! I have an almost 7 month old and I love spending all my time with him. Me and DP still go out and have fun but we take our little one with us. He’s only going to be this little for a very short while so I want to make the most of it, plus I’ve got the rest of my life to go out without him when he’s grown up

@IAgreeWithBryanCaplan

I think getting more sleep is probably key. I exercise plenty and we are out all day every day getting fresh air. I mean energy to go out drinking/dancing.

Thank you everyone for making me feel more normal

If you’ve never left him for more than 2 hours you’re not back at work - I had been back teaching full time for 5 months by the time my 3 were 14 months old so I was well used to leaving them (and still breastfeeding). It was also quite nice by that point to have a period of time when I didn’t have to worry about them and I didn’t have to worry about them (and I could just forget them for a bit!) which I didn’t feel like I needed when solely on maternity leave.

So you might change your mind, you might not

Each to their own.

I love going out, getting dressed up, drinking, staying out late. So what I have a hangover the next day.

But if you're happy and content with your life, then you do you!

I assume you don’t work? I travel for work so am used to leaving my DDs overnight now & again. They are at school & nursery so don’t really miss out on seeing me that much when I go. Just bedtime.

Social wise - half way house for me. I’d happily never have a night out drinking again, not my scene anymore at all. But a meal with friends or drinks at a friends house 2/3 times a month, essential. Having friendships is important to me. Being me & not just mum, very important also. Not for long, I’m happy with a few hours off & refreshed and ready to go home!

But most of all, time with my husband is vital. Keeping our relationship healthy & happy to navigate parenthood. Small things like going for walks on a Saturday afternoon while Nana babysits, twice monthly date nights. The occasional night away in a hotel. We got married last year & had a fantastic 3 nights away! Gotta keep that romance alive 😂

Totally understand the lack of desire to go out drinking etc and I think that’s really normal. The only thing I would caution against is repeatedly batting off friends’ entreaties for a bit of child-free time together. Even old friends can start to feel a bit rejected, especially if they haven’t got kids- you don’t want to be that woman that “disappeared” when she had a baby. And you don’t want to emerge from the new baby/toddler fug with friends who have distanced themselves - you never know when you might need them!!