Judged for lack of anxiety

[Beachballbelly100]

I have a 12 week old DD, she’s wonderful and healthy and I’ve loved being a mom to her. I’m not an anxious person in general and other than the 2 week postpartum period where my hormones were all over the place, I haven’t generally felt very anxious about looking after her. My husband is the same and we’re happy taking her to visit people, to Sunday lunch at pub and for a short plane journey domestically. She’s a lovely calm baby and we watch for her ques and respond with nap/milk/interaction accordingly.

I’ve noticed that pretty much all our friends and relatives spend a lot of time fussing over the baby (and their own children) and are on high alert about our DD, so for example if she makes a sound or wakes up from a nap they will immediate swoop in and start trying to make her more comfortable. I find this very odd as she’s not at all in distress… husband and I would just let her be in these scenarios but everyone else seems to think that something needs to be done. Why do people do this? Are mothers who aren’t naturally anxious about their children all the time judged as loving their children less? I don’t know if I’m being rational or not but when this happens it makes me feel like they’re not trusting me to look after her properly and are “stepping in”. Does anyone else feel like this?

when this happens it makes me feel like they’re not trusting me to look after her properly and are “stepping in”

That's projection. And also is a form if anxiety.

To look at your post from the other extreme: It is normal to prioritise ensuring your babys needs are met above your own. Indifference to a childs needs is a cause for concern.

So there is a balance to be had between indifference and anxious. It's a parents job to balance that adequately.

Thank you - I’ll think about this, it’s helpful to have the invective feedback.

*objective

You're naturally attuned to your baby, you know her needs and are parenting intuitively. Other people aren't as it's not their baby and therefore fuss. It used to drive me mad too. Constantly told 'she's hungry, she's upset' trying to force a dummy in her mouth- it used to drive me mad. Just keep repeating, she's fine, leave her please.
You sound like you're doing a great job.

Thank you xx

Sounds like you’re doing great! Some people do fuss but you know her best and are responding to her

You are very lucky to have a calm, easy going, healthy newborn. A lot of people wont have had this experience. It’s 2 years on since my DS pretty much screamed solidly for the first 12 weeks of his life. I still feel incredibly anxious and on edge if I hear a tiny baby cry. Maybe some of your friends and family have had experiences similar to mine - I think you should be thankful you haven’t and not let their reactions get to you.

@AliceW89

You are very lucky to have a calm, easy going, healthy newborn. A lot of people wont have had this experience. It’s 2 years on since my DS pretty much screamed solidly for the first 12 weeks of his life. I still feel incredibly anxious and on edge if I hear a tiny baby cry. Maybe some of your friends and family have had experiences similar to mine - I think you should be thankful you haven’t and not let their reactions get to you.

That must have been very tough going! good point, I hadn’t thought about that, thank you.