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Original poster

17 month old refuses food at home

19 replies

Clearwatersinthestream · 09/04/2022 12:35

I think I went badly wrong when weaning DS (now 17 months) as he just pretty much refused everything and I found it really stressful. I went back to work when he was nearly 9 months and I am FT so he eats three meals a day at nursery plus a snack and he never has any issues there. At home he will accept snack food - biscuit and so on but he won’t eat any meals. Just cereal in the morning.

I’ve just tried to give him lunch - stuff I know he enjoys but he refused it. If you give him finger food like sandwiches he throws it on the floor but if you try to spoon feed him he just shoves it away.

This sounds awful but I dread spending time with him because of this. You can’t just have a nice day.

I really want to know how I can put this right as he’s nearly a year and a half and he has never eaten a proper meal at home.

We don’t have a table by the way.

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parrotonthesofa · 09/04/2022 12:38

I would just stop worrying about it! It is not worth ruining your time with him over.
He's only 17 months. You don't want it? Ok never mind, we ll have something else later and move on to the next activity.
Fwiw my nephew was like this. Now eats fine.

Original poster

Clearwatersinthestream · 09/04/2022 12:42

I get that @parrotonthesofa but then it isn’t nothing, it’s a big worry. Not least because if he doesn’t eat in the day the nights are horrific!

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Seasidemumma77 · 09/04/2022 12:46

Are you eating together when you eat at home? At nursery he'll be used to being a social eater, he might eat better if it's presented as a time to sit as a family sharing a meal.

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AliceW89 · 09/04/2022 12:48

Where are you offering him food if you don’t have a table? Do you all eat together?

parrotonthesofa · 09/04/2022 12:51

Hmmm I see what you mean.
Although if he's having cereal, milk and biscuits at least he's had something. Not ideal obviously but better than nothing.
If he's eating at nursery and is there five days a week, then it's only two days when he's not eating so much and these things always go in phases anyway.
Do you eat with him? Give him a choice? Do you want this or this? Not sure if he could express a preference at his age?

Smartiepants79 · 09/04/2022 12:51

What different between home and nursery.
Where’s he eating if you don’t have a table? Are you eating with him?
Does he really not eat anything except cereal at home.
Can you feed him stuff you know he’ll definitely eat last thing so he’ll sleep better??

Smartiepants79 · 09/04/2022 12:52

What happened was of you sit down with your own food? Does he show interest?

Original poster

Clearwatersinthestream · 09/04/2022 12:52

Yes I know @parrotonthesofa but that’s what I’m saying, I shouldn’t have to put him in nursery just to ensure he eats something

He eats in his high chair. It’s really difficult as I’ve tried finger food which he throws on the floor and spoon feeding which he refuses.

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Original poster

Clearwatersinthestream · 09/04/2022 12:53

Yes he does @Smartiepants79 but as soon as you offer it to him he doesn’t want to know. He will grab bits of snacks but obviously not ideal.

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parrotonthesofa · 09/04/2022 12:54

Could you fit a little table in? Maybe he's used to eating in a group.

Original poster

Clearwatersinthestream · 09/04/2022 13:03

He only eats with me and I can’t eat when I’m feeding him. I think this is where I’ve struggled as BLW just didn’t work for us.

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AliceW89 · 09/04/2022 13:11

I’m not sure how your nursery works, but from around 15 months (whenever they progress to the toddler room), my DS and my friends DC have sat at little tablets at nursery to eat food. There are no high chairs and they aren’t generally fed (unless there is some development issue). They are expected to self feed with assistance. If he’s used to self feeding at a table with lots of other people also eating, I’m not surprised he’s resistant to being spoon fed, in a high chair, on his own.

Can you fit in a tiny fold away table you can both sit at and eat together? Have no expectations at first, but I bet it would rapidly improve. You say a BLW approach hasn’t worked - I suspect it’s more the circumstances you are trying to get him to eat in that’s failing rather than the food itself.

Original poster

Clearwatersinthestream · 09/04/2022 13:12

I can try, but he does tend to throw food around. Maybe just need to persevere.

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AliceW89 · 09/04/2022 13:19

You do need to persevere. Toddlers generally don’t go for quick fixes. Eat with him, at a table, at relatively predictable times. Snacks are given at set times and he is also expected to sit down for those - I bet nursery don’t let him walk around eating. Don’t praise or criticise eating. Put food down, say ‘here you go’ and let him make what he will of it. Food thrown gets offered back once or twice with no emotion, then is taken away. If he doesn’t eat, don’t make an issue of it and don’t make anything else. Assume he’s not hungry, but top up at next snack or meal time.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/04/2022 13:26

You need to find out how they are presented with food in nursery and try and emulate that at home. I agree that getting a table and eating with him will help. Give him his meal and let him get on with it while you eat yours. If he throws it then calmly pick it up and give it back to him. No emotion. Plenty of smiles and praise if he chooses to eat some of it.

Threetulips · 09/04/2022 13:31

All you can do is offer!

I would find a small table or even picnic blanket and sit on the floor.

You need to have sharing food, small sandwiches, fruit, yogurt that you know he loves and don’t watch him or pressure him into eating - he will eat when hungry enough.

Just chat to him and eat so he’s watching you. Ignore any mess he makes, he won’t eat if he feels watched or about to be huffed at over the mess.

Original poster

Clearwatersinthestream · 10/04/2022 11:54

He’s eaten next to nothing.

It really gets me down that he’s been “weaned” for 11 months but he’s yet to eat with me.

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HenrysHome · 10/04/2022 17:08

My 18 month old sounds exactly the same @Clearwatersinthestream, right down to the anxiety you feel around meal times. He won't eat any meals, the only warm things he'll touch are Weetabix and readybrek. He lives off crackers, yoghurt, bananas and rice cakes really. We had a rocky time with weaning too. I'm trying not to stress too much over it although I do find it really frustrating when he's clearly hungry but won't even look at food if it's not one of his 'safe' foods. We won't even sit in the highchair or at a mini table, he mainly eats in the pram on the go or sat on my lap. I'm hoping when his talking improves we might see a bit of an improvement?

Heartofglass12345 · 11/04/2022 00:12

I agree with a blanket on the floor like a picnic, try and make it fun with no pressure. Maybe put something he likes on the TV if he has a favourite programme so the focus isn't on him eating? And I've read that leaving food on a plate nearby without pressuring him might help too, so he can help himself if he wants it.
It must be so hard for you my son isn't the best eater but he eats, so I'm happy with that. I've had comments about his diet but I'm not going to not feed him to make him eat vegetables!

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