Should I tell my 14yo about my smoking/drinking/drug past?
Daughter is getting really close to some new kids at school who smoke, self-harm (something she has done herself twice recently too) and know a great deal about drugs and drinking. These kids aren’t bad kids, they are all going through major upheavals. I live abroad in a very Catholic country and of these kids one is a lesbian, another gender fluid, another is trans, two self-harm, one smokes, and one knows how to cut cocaine with a card (hoping via TV but no idea).
Teens are attracted to teens like them so I recognize that my daughter feels a kinship with these kids and she cares about them fiercely and wants to help them. She is so empathetic and sensitive though and she’s too young to be feeling responsible but I don’t want to stop her from seeing these kids. But I want to try and limit the potential damage to her - avoid her also smoking or whatever, and help her manage her own emotions so that self-harm doesn’t seem like the only option when she’s at school (at home she shouts or we do punching exercises when she feels frustrated or sad/angry).
I went to a mixed school where the majority of kids came from nearby council estates and I was the ‘posh’ one. Started smoking at 13, then drinking and later in my 20s did everything pretty much, ending with coke which I managed to cold turkey on because it scared me how much I enjoyed ‘needed’ it for a night out. So I know first hand how easy it is to do harmful stuff because you love your friends and want that connection. I loved ‘having a fag’ with friends and felt I couldn’t stop as I’d lose that bond over the activity. Same happened with the coke.
Will it help her be stronger than I was if she knows about my past? Or will she think ‘well, she did it so I can too!’?! What would you tell her?