Nearly 4 year old will only poo in nappy!

[CoffeePlease89]

Hi

New here, have two beautiful kids DD6 and DS3 (4 in June). Both thankfully happy and healthy.

We have one issue that I'm not sure where to go with now, he refuses point blank and has panic attacks at the thought of going for a poo in the toilet or potty.
He has been toilet trained and has weed in the toilet (even standing up as his friend at nursery showed him!) for a long time.
He has held it in for days at a time, he panics and rushes to sit down screaming "oh no mummy!" If he needs a poo in public.. health Visitor recommended we just offer him nappies but ask him to stand in bathroom, keep encouraging him to use toilet, offer bribes like he knows he will get a dinosaur toy when he finally goes.
He says he will do it because he wants his dinosaur, he sits on the toilet and just says "actually I don't need to go now!" And holds it in until he begs me for a nappy half hour later.
He told me "if you don't give me a nappy I'll just go in my pants" and he did once.
He has a nappy at night as he's not dry, so he wakes up before me and poos then comes to wake me up and apologise.
Health Visitor came to visit, said he's such a happy funny little boy, he showed her he's toilet seat and how he goes for wees and promised her we would call her to say he's been for a poo on there but that call hasn't happened.
We've asked him what he's afraid of we get different random answers and he often says he just doesn't know..

Sorry for the long post but what should I do now?? Partner says when he's dry at night we just say no to nappies all together but I know how distraught he will be begging me for one screaming no please mummy I can't bare it!!

Help

My DS was the same, no problem doing a wee on potty, but had to have a nappy on and he would go somewhere and hide until he’d been to poo. He was 3 and seemed to have a problem sitting down to go, which when you think about it, it’s easier standing up. He really wanted to go on toilet/potty so what I did was get books and drinks and said we’d just sit and stay with him on toilet when he felt he wanted to go and I would read to him and he wasn’t to think about it. It took about an hour till he went and I didn’t make a fuss, just said good boy.

Very normal. I used high level bribery for a while (magnum ice creams)

Poor little fella. Could you try having the nappy on and sitting on the toilet to go as a first step? See if he will go for that? Maybe will give him the security and you could then slowly introduce the idea of doing the same thing with nappy round legs so half down, then progress from there?

Would he poo sitting on the toilet but wearing the nappy?

You could build it up. First he can poo in the nappy but must go into the bathroom to pop. Step 2, sit on toilet wearing the nappy to poo. Step 3, cut a hole in the nappy so he poos wearing it sitting on the loo but the poo can fall through to the toilet. Step 4 - normal poos on the toilet.

Also, have a look at the Mr Poo goes to Pooland (I think that's what it's called) book / app.

I offered a scooter.
DD would wait until the night nappy was on and almost instantly poo! It's very common. Gentle pursuasion and/or bribery might help. He will get there. Some little kids find the sensation of having a poo quite frightening once they become aware of it..

A PP beat me to it, but google Poo Goes Home to Pooland. It now seems to be an app and video, but I printed out a paper copy of the story when DD was that age and it really helped. Good luck!

Another vote for high level bribery.

Thanks for the replies, kind of nice to know I'm not alone.. all his nursery friends and mums all say their kids are all going in the loo with no issues

To the above ideas about asking him to sit on the toilet with the nappy on, we have tried this and he sits on there but then says he doesn't need to go now, waits until he goes back to his room and then goes in the nappy. We've also tried to line the potty with a nappy with no success.
We have also tried the Mr Poo book.
I like the idea of cutting a hole in the nappy eventually in steps mentioned above and will certainly try this once he is able to go in the nappy sitting on the toilet!

I really do appreciate the replies, just so reassuring!

I could have wrote this post! This is the exact same as my DD, I've tried everything, she doesn't wear nappies at all now except for a poo and is just terrified of using the potty/toilet but will use it for a wee all by herself, even tried taking the nappies off her and lots of encouragement, bribes of new toys ect but she will just hold it in untill I give in 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also really rate Poo Goes Home to Pooland. It's bonkers if you're a grown up, but clearly genius for toddlers as we really found it helped.

My son was the same.

The thing is that if any of us were asked to poo in a nappy all of a sudden, most of us would struggle so I can understand why making the transition is difficult.

In the end, big bribery worked for my son too but we had quite a long period of time where he was dry but asked for a nappy to poo in.

We had this. Incentivised with paw patrol toy rewards.

But basically don’t worry. He will grow out of it

One of my kids was like this at the same age. We eventually managed to get them to start using the loo instead of a nappy but they had issues for a while putting off going, and would get really constipated.. which led to courses of laxatives throughout primary school. Looking back, I wish I'd just let them go in a nappy for a little longer but it's so hard to know what the right thing is when they are starting nursery & school. I hope things go well

Oh don’t go cold turkey he’ll just withhold. You need to take all the stress out of it and make it extremely low key - try not to get anxious. My DD would only poo in her nappy in her bed at night ( we would say goodnight and she’d climb out of bed and kneel next to it). We initially moved her to the bathroom and she had to go there ( in the nappy) initially by the door and then over by the toilet and then on the toilet lid etc etc. Each time she would get a toy from a lucky dip bag but it was a slow slow process. Eventually we cut the hole out of the nappy until it was bigger and bigger. The technique is detailed on an incontinence charity called ERIC ( if I recall properly) - they deal with bed wetting etc. I got very anxious about it because my DD had started school and tried cold turkey but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. I tried the Pooland app and although she loved it I’m not sure how much actual help it was.

I’m on a train so sorry if that didn’t make sense.

I think that the advice not to stress or put too much pressure on him is spot on. Holding on can cause constipation and lots more problems. Keep it patient and gentle.

We have the same issue here. Good to hear how common it is

We had this too with our oldest dc. She managed with a nappy in a potty eventually, and then a little while later, it just resolved itself. I would stress too much, it’s quite common and it will pass!

My DD was like your DS ...she just hated/had a block when it came to pooping in the toilet. She used to tell us when she needed to go, pop a pull-up on and make it behind the couch.
Most friends kiddies around had no problem. We just decided not to make an issue out of it while always encouraging her to do it in the toilet. One day when she was 4 or just over she decided she was doing it in the toilet herself! That was the end of that!
The block she had in her mind about doing it on the toilet just seemed to go! She has never had one issue since and she is 10! So my advice is not to panic, keep encouraging and it will fall into place for your LO 😊

*wouldn’t

We had this issue with our DS, he was still
pooping in a nappy at 4 and I was concerned it wouldn't get sorted before starting school - thankfully it did! We did a super slow process. He always asked for a pull up when he needed a poo so I started saying he must do it in the bathroom.

We then started encouraging him to try to sit down. Again, started off slowly by asking him to do it on his knees first and then eventually whilst he was sitting on his bottom. We eventually moved to him sitting on the toilet with the nappy on - that took a while and he would sometimes only do a little and then sit back down on the floor. Once he could do the whole thing with a nappy on whilst on the toilet he took off and within a week or two he was doing it on the toilet without a nappy (we had a short interim phase of us putting a nappy in the toilet and then us putting lots of toilet paper in the toilet). Ever since then he has been absolutely fine - no issues (I thought he might've been traumatised by the whole ordeal, but he wasn't).

I know how hard this is for you but try not to worry - they'll get there eventually!

My Ds did this too. Just don't be in too much of a hurry to change his nappy when he poos !

@CoffeePlease89 I know this has been a while, but how did you get on? I'm in the same position, my daughter is 4 in August, does wees on toilet fine but absolutely refuses to poo unless she has her pull up on. Feel like I'm stressing myself and her out over the fact she still does it at nearly 4. I feel slightly better from reading some of the stories on this thread, but your post is like I've literally written it myself!

My boy was the same - would ask for a pull up on to poo, or he would just refuse to go. We tried bribery, it didn’t work. Tried sticker chart, he didn’t care. Tried refusing pull ups, he would hold it in.
We explained he wouldn’t be able to wear nappies at school. We ended up backing off and leaving him to it as we had no clue what else to do.
Thankfully a couple of weeks before starting school he just decided to poo on the toilet one day and that was that, no more pull ups!
Before this, once he was potty trained (for wee’s only) he also refused to wear pants. We explained he had to wear pants to school. He refused so we left him be, much to the dismay of some family. Again, a few days before starting school he decided it was time and wore pants from then on!

We had this for more than a year. So stressful at the time but it sorted itself out. We stepped way back from even talking about it for a while as the pressure was making him even more anti it. Eventually we found out what he was particularly worried about - 'the splash' - so I invented a poo catcher which was toilet paper slung across the seat of the loo, under the toddler seat, and with HUGE and very expensive bribery we got there in the end.

Good luck!