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Original poster

Advice for potty training 3.3 yo who gets hysterical when it is mentioned...

14 replies

ArmadilloDaMan · 08/01/2008 10:58

Ds is 3.3 - up till now he hasn't been potty trained because he was on laxatives for several months and they would have made it difficult.

Physically he is ready now - the only reason he is still in nappies atm is because he won't be trained.

He gets hysterical at the idea of going without a nappy. The only time he will go 5 minutes without one is in the bath.

We've talked about it and he is prepared to use toilet when he is a 'grown up'

It's not the toilet he is scared of but I think the idea of losing control and wetting himself.

Any ideas of how to start?

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herbiemom · 08/01/2008 11:10

DS1 wasn't out of nappies until he was 3.6. He just refused to wear pants and said he wanted to wear a nappy so I left it until he was ready. I used to ask him every so often if he was ready to wear pants and use the toilet/potty and one day he just said yes out of the blue. He was brilliant - got the hang of it straight away and we've had hardly any accidents.

I had hoped that ds2 (now 3.3) might be ready earlier, since he watches his brother and likes to copy him. But no, he's just the same and this time I'm more relaxed about it and will just wait until he wants to do it without worrying about it.

My advice would be don't put any pressure on him and make a big deal of it. Maybe ask him every couple of weeks if he wants to be a big boy and wear pants like daddy or friends/peers but if he gets upset leave it and don't let him see that it matters to you.

They all get there in the end!

Original poster

ArmadilloDaMan · 08/01/2008 11:12

That's interesting, thanks [s,ile].

Did he just suddenly go from full-blown refusal to asking to do it then?

Did you encourage him to see that others (daddy/peers/friends/family) used it or anything?

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charliemama · 08/01/2008 11:16

will watch this thread with interest. DD turned 3 in Dec. We tried 3 days of pants this weekend. Complete failure. What worries me is she doesn't care if she is wet or dirty. She tells us she wants to wear nappies. Do I let her?

Armadillo would waterproof pants work? I know they sell them in mothercare.

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flamingtoaster · 08/01/2008 11:17

I agree with herbiemom. Wait until he wants to - the hassle really isn't worth it (having watched friends struggle). I waited until both DD and DS were ready - asked them periodically did they want to wear pants. Yes it was out of the blue when they finally decided - I asked the question, they said yes and they only had one accident each. Bliss compared to the amount of washing/cleaning of carpets etc. friends did!

Original poster

ArmadilloDaMan · 08/01/2008 11:19

nothing apart from nappies will do unfortunately.

You should have seen his reaction to 'pull-ups'

'They're not nappies, they're pants' followed by hysterical sobbing

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Original poster

ArmadilloDaMan · 08/01/2008 11:22

thanks for these.

Preschool is getting a bit antsy about him being only child in nappies. And my mum wants to take him for weekend and do it herself.

TBH I'm not convinced that would be a good thing as she tried when he was younger and that seemed to have started this anxiety.

He gets himself so worked up.

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charliemama · 08/01/2008 11:36

I guess I would recommend a leaving him completely. I don't think forcing him into pants will work as he is obviously very anxious. My instinct tells me that forcing an anxious child to do anything will only lengthen and worsen the situation. But you do have my full sympathies as I know how hard it is, especially if there is outside pressure. I work in an infant school and I keep telling myself that I have yet to teach a child in nappies. They do all get there in the end.

charliemama · 08/01/2008 11:37

PS tell preschool politely to get stuffed. It is your job to toilet train your child and you are doing it in a way that is best for him.

herbiemom · 08/01/2008 11:44

Yes - one day I asked him expecting to get the same reply of "no mummy I want to wear nappies" but he said he wanted to wear pants and wee in the potty. He only used the potty for a few days and then abandoned it in favour of the toilet.

He was used to seeing DH and me using the toilet as had a tendency to follow us everywhere, so knew exactly what to do. I'm sure he was ready a lot sooner but he just didn't want to do it.

To be honest I think it's part of his character - he always meets milestones quite late but then does things very well. Almost as if he waits until he can do something properly rather than trying. Don't know what DS2's excuse is!

herbiemom · 08/01/2008 11:48

Also, don't give in to pressure from mothers, MILs, preschool, etc. Luckily the nursery DS attended were relaxed like me and agreed that it as best to wait until he wanted to do it. I did feel a bit embarassed with some friends whose DCs were out of nappies a year or more earlier but they had frequent accidents and a whole load of hassle which we avoided by waiting.

Original poster

ArmadilloDaMan · 08/01/2008 18:29

thanks for these.

Reassures me that I am doing the right thing by waiting.

He is the only child at preschool in nappies - they only took him cos it was medical reason he wasn't potty trained (the laxatives). They ahve been speaking to my mum so she came in guns blazing this morning.

I do agree that pushing him will only make him more anxious about the whole thing.

Just got to stand up to my mum now

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helgal · 09/01/2008 19:05

My son was 4 by the time he was trained. Health visitors are not really that interested before 4 years of age. apparently the urinary system is not fully developed until the age of 5. Professionals are far more realistic then mothers are.

TOD · 10/01/2008 11:54

Oh mothers!!!!! I love mine but she was driving nuts over potty training my DS who was 3 in dec....she only made matters worse cos every time she saw him she would ask him when he was going to use the big toilet...it got to the stage where my DS did not want to go to nanas anymore so i had to have a few choice words with her and she backed off!!!! it was that or have my Ds resenting her!
Anyway just out of the blue last week he asked for the toilet and has been in pants by day since....now we have had a few accidents but we are getting there and it is relatvely stress free, so I also think waiting til they're ready is the way to go!!

Although their timing doesnt always suit, My DS decided to be toilet trained just when my DD (4 Months) was sick and i had been up a few nights with her, but i decided to go with him cos i could be waiting another 6 months before he takes the initiative again!

Original poster

ArmadilloDaMan · 10/01/2008 20:19

ta for these.

Reinforces what I thought.

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