Advice needed … am I being unreasonable?

[Comz]

So my ex has decided to kick off because I’ve refused to allow his new partner to look after my 8 year old child whilst He’s at work.

As it’s the holidays my ex is taking my son to the local teams football match tomorrow then asked if he could have him overnight, I asked when he would be bringing him back on the Thursday and he said when ever I wanted him back so I asked the question was he off work? Thinking if he was off work Thursday/Friday and my son goes to his dads Friday night he could have him for a extra time.

He advised he was at work so I asked who would be having my son (as could be grandparents on dads side) but he informs me it’s his new partner (been together about 6 months now). Because I’ve said no now there’s a big problem.

I’ve explained my point that he’s asking to see him but won’t as he’s at work and it’s not his partner’s responsibility to look after my son. We also had the same conversation a year ago when he was with a different partner (who he’d been with over a few years and I had the same stance then). My issue with it is that if something happens to my son then I’m going to being hearing 3rd hand what’s happened and this could be hours after the event.

He has it into his head that my partner of 3 years looks after my son so I explained that he doesn’t when I’m at work, on a night out or anything like that. He will watch him for an hour whilst I go food shopping but even that is few and far between because my son wants to come shopping. But also my son isn’t my partners responsibility either.

He’s now trying to be confrontational and wants to discuss all this with me and my partner but doesn’t get the fact that it’s nothing to do with my partner or his and that my only issue is the fact if he wants time with my son then take time off work in the holidays for it.

I’ve asked my son if he wants to go and it’s only if his dads there, I’ve told his dad this and yet it’s still not acceptable. I asked if he could drop him off before work but he leaves at 5am so again that’s not suitable. I’ve also advised him to book some time off at the next school holidays but doesn’t even accept that as a suitable alternative either.

Any advice on how to deal with this matter before it kicks off with my ex and new partner will help.

I’m afraid it’s up to your ex.

How often does he have him? If he went to court he would probably get him for half of the school holidays.

Whilst it seems soon to have introduced a new partner, much less have them providing childcare imo, what do you expect to do if the GF is asked to watch your soon during your exP usual time?

In this case, it sounds as though the request is outwith his access time so you could say no, but notwithstanding safety concerns I don't think you can dictate childcare arrangements made by your ex during the periods he is due to have his child so for future requests I think its unreasonable to try to restrict that.

Who watches your dc in your exes time isn't your business.. As a judge will tell you.

It’s not his time, his arrangement is Friday to Sunday every other weekend then just over a week at Xmas. This is an ad hoc request asked today when footballs tomorrow as when they usually go to football he brings him home straight after.

I’ve actually said that if during the weekend if his dad nips out for an hour or so (like I would shopping) then as it’s his weekend and his time I wouldn’t have a issue with that as that’s the same as my partner having my son while I go food shopping. So dad would be contactable and close should anything happen. If he had to work at a weekend then I would offer to swap it so that he still gets his full weekend with him. So I always try and be fair and reasonable.

As my son is older now I’ve offered more of the holidays to be nice and civil but due to issues arising on dads side, my son doesn’t want to go as often any more (he threatened me a couple of months ago because I said it was unacceptable that my son share a bed with his new partners daughter as she’s a year older than my son).

There is a history of domestic violence (him to me and the reason we split when my son was 1). So I do try and protect my son from a lot of things but he’s older now and starting to see things for his self (he’s seen his dad kick off at this partner and his ex).

So this is where I’ve asked my son what does he want and he said he wanted to go if his dads there but if he’s at work he doesn’t want to go. However my ex still won’t even take that as an answer and still wants to be confrontational with me and my new partner (which it’s got nothing to do with).

But I do get everyone’s point. Maybe I do need to seek legal advice so that my sons voice can be heard and have some say on the matter as well now.