My husband always able 4 yo son as selfish

[Soni032022]

Will anyone constantly label his little one (since he's 3) as selfish?

I told my husband he should encourage our kid to share, instead of saying to him "you are selfish" all the time!

Examples are:
-My son wants to watch his favourite TV programs all the time (instead of letting daddy watch his programmes)

• When we go out and it's much time, we told our son it's time to have some food but he insists he wants to go somewhere else to play.

Are these really selfish behaviours? I don't think so, they're just normal things that toddlers do. But my husband always says to him "you are selfish, you should not be so selfish, blah blah"

I think my husband has some problems.

I think your husband has some problems too.

Maybe look into a parenting course for him? Or get him a book about child development?

I think your husband has some problems too. Your son won’t even know what the word selfish means
He’s expecting a four year old apply the same logic as a grown adult.
Children are selfish by default, they are the centre of their world and it’s up to us adults to guide them.
T.V. For example..son watches it this time but next time it’s Daddy’s choice.
The park v lunch. The weather decides..raining it lunch, sunny or dry then a picnic at the play park.
Don’t expect a child under the age of seven to understand what sharing is.
Even then it’s hit and miss.
I’d be having a word and telling him to grow up, Husband, not your son.

A 3YO can’t be expected to be entertained by adult TV so if that’s what’s on then they need to be occupied by another activity. Not wanting to stop playing to eat is standard toddler stuff, I don’t see how selfish even comes into it because it’s not a sharing issue. Not being selfish at that age is about letting a friend take a turn with a favoured toy, or not pushing to the front of the line for the slide at the playground. Your DH sounds like he’s gone on some weird power trip with a 3YO

@Thinkingblonde

I think your husband has some problems too. Your son won’t even know what the word selfish means He’s expecting a four year old apply the same logic as a grown adult. Children are selfish by default, they are the centre of their world and it’s up to us adults to guide them. T.V. For example..son watches it this time but next time it’s Daddy’s choice. The park v lunch. The weather decides..raining it lunch, sunny or dry then a picnic at the play park. Don’t expect a child under the age of seven to understand what sharing is. Even then it’s hit and miss. I’d be having a word and telling him to grow up, Husband, not your son.

That's exactly what I've told my husband, but he thinks he is right! His idea is that we need to "educate" our son the "right value" and we need to do it from his very young age. Time after time I say my son's little mind is not able to comprehend the idea of selfish yet. But my husband just refuse to listen.

Also, I hate that he uses a very negative way to treat a kid. He always impose something very negative on our son instead of giving him encouragements (he never encourages, always criticises). What ever my son did something that is not right (well, I should say things that my husband doesn't like, they are not necessary "not right"), he will just told him off.

In these examples though your husband is annoyed because his way isnt being followed - he wants to watch his TV - so why does your son get labelled as selfish and he doesnt.

What are right values - because it seems to be following exactly what your husband wants

Of course he's selfish! He's 3.

He'll be less selfish as he gets older then poof, teenager years hit and they revert back to selfish again.

Completely normal.

It is fine to tell a child of four that he has to wait, take a break for lunch or it is someone else's time to choose. However to label naturally self interested behaviour "selfish" is meaningless. He should naturally outgrow the need for immediate gratification and impulsiveness in time but your h may never outgrow his critical and negative parenting style.

Yes I agree - why tell him he is selfish when you can say we can do that later it is lunchtime now

@LIZS

It is fine to tell a child of four that he has to wait, take a break for lunch or it is someone else's time to choose. However to label naturally self interested behaviour "selfish" is meaningless. He should naturally outgrow the need for immediate gratification and impulsiveness in time but your h may never outgrow his critical and negative parenting style.

So true. Worst thing is, my son copies DH and calls people selfish, and DH still cannot see the problem.

Telling a child that what they're doing is wrong but not explaining why or what they should be doing instead is pointless. He shouldn't be calling your son selfish. Your son won't understand.

Look up “Children learn what they live”
It’s a poem by Dorothy Law Knolte.
The first line is “If a child lives with criticism he learns to condemn”.

@LIZS

It is fine to tell a child of four that he has to wait, take a break for lunch or it is someone else's time to choose. However to label naturally self interested behaviour "selfish" is meaningless. He should naturally outgrow the need for immediate gratification and impulsiveness in time but your h may never outgrow his critical and negative parenting style.

This. Your dh is being a jerk.

@Thinkingblonde

Look up “Children learn what they live” It’s a poem by Dorothy Law Knolte. The first line is “If a child lives with criticism he learns to condemn”.

@Thinkingblonde Thank you. I will print it out and stick it on Dh's face.

Good, stick it on the fridge too.