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Parenting

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I'm pregnant with a baby that wont survive

29 replies

Mumaof2and1angelbaby · 04/04/2022 15:52

Hello Everyone,

So I guess I am posting here to spread awareness.

My husband and I have 2 little boys who are 7 and 5. We've been trying for our third and final baby for nearly 9 months when suddenly just after Christmas I discovered I was pregnant!

I was so happy, totally elated! I told so many friends and family, and eventually at 11 weeks I thought I was safe to tell my boys.

We did some genetic blood testing for the gender using Sneakpeek, and I discovered my third baby was finally the girl I had always hoped for! - My love for her just grew with each day.

We decided to call her Halle Mai, (Mai being a family name we loved that means a lot). At our 12 week scan she was kicking around, waving and even turned her back to us! Rude.

Everything looked good, I could see her little heartbeat thumping away, and then the sonographer when silent. She was focusing on Halles head, she took multiple measurements and suddenly she turned off the monitor, I didn't even get to hear her heart....

She looked at us and said "Im really sorry, but your baby has some problems with her head, it doesn't look like she's formed properly" Initially i said "Oh...." and nothing else, and then it hit me, and i broke into FLOODS of tears, I could not compose myself at all. They told us our little Halle has something called Anencephaly, and it was fatal. Her skull has not formed on the back of her head, exposing her little brain - there was no way she could survive.

I am now nearly 14 weeks, and going in to have a specialist ultrasound tomorrow in Cardiff which is a few hours from us here in wales. They told me to expect to make some difficult choices, but we know we only really have one choice, and that will be a very much unwanted termination of a child we had hoped and tried for....It does not feel fair.

They told me a factor Halle has this condition is not having enough folic acid, but I had taken it from day 1 of my pregnancy up until 12 weeks, Maybe its because I am a little chunkier now post covid that i didn't realise having a bmi of 30 meant I should have been on a higher dose, but I feel its my fault.

We are going to cremate Halle, and being a goldsmith gives me the advantage of making myself a ashes pendant for her, but it was never something I thought I would be making. We are also burying some of her ashes in the churchyard we got married in, I am going to miss this child more then I can say, my daughter - I wanted so much to have known her.

So this is a thread to urge you all to take your folic acid, and up your dose if your overweight - Please be aware of the risks of anencephaly, it cannot be treated and its any mothers worst nightmare. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

Thank you

OP posts:
clouds87 · 04/04/2022 16:01

I have had two miscarriages in the past, I haven’t been through what you are going through but please don’t ever blame yourself. I’m thinking of you and your three beautiful children xx

lemongreentea · 04/04/2022 16:04

So sorry OP Flowers

Loginmystery · 04/04/2022 16:05

I am so sorry to read this. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be. Absolutely heartbreaking. Please don’t blame yourself though. There are so many things that can go wrong in a pregnancy. You sound like a wonderful mother.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/04/2022 16:10

This is awful, and it really isn't your fault. I think it's appalling that the medics implied that it was.
Whilst Folic acid ( which you were taking) is good for development of babies, it's only been in the past few decades that it's been considered acceptable to medicate normal pregnancies. If it was essential, if you should have taken a bigger dose, your medical team should have spelled that out to you. It is not your fault, and when you are feeling stronger, I think you should complain about what has been said to you.
I am so sorry, it is dreadful that are you are having to go through this, without the added burden of guilt.

BourbonVanilla · 04/04/2022 16:12

So sorry 😢

They told me a factor Halle has this condition is not having enough folic acid, but I had taken it from day 1 of my pregnancy up until 12 weeks

It's not going to help now, but for any future pregnancies:
it's recommended to start taking folic acid 3 months before TTC, so you can build up reserves in your body.
Some also recommend that women of childbearing age always take folic acid because lots of pregnancies are unplanned.

viques · 04/04/2022 16:18

What a sad post, I am so sorry for you and your family and the decisions you are faced with making.

Always remember that you have loved and nurtured your little girl inside your body, and that loving energy from her father and her siblings has also surrounded and sustained her. That love and care will be a memory forever more, just as she will be a part of your family for ever more, remembered with sadness for what was not to be but with love for the spirit that was shared with you all for a short time.

AchillesPoirot · 04/04/2022 16:20

I am so sorry.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 16:20

I'm so sorry.

Do you have a good employer who'll allow you the time off that you need when the time comes?

Please don't blame yourself.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 04/04/2022 16:22

I am so so sorry for what you are going for. Halle is so loved.

Please do not blame yourself, and thank you for taking the time to spread awareness.

CottonSock · 04/04/2022 16:23

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself.

gogohm · 04/04/2022 16:23

So sorry. It is not necessarily anything to do with folic acid, it can occur without any other factors, rare but unfortunately happens (happened to a friend 20 years ago then was a story line on a U.S. programme I watch).

Don't think it's in any way your fault, it's not

PatSpringleaf · 04/04/2022 16:25

It's not your fault.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you for being brave enough to post this as I had no idea if your BMI is over 30 that you have to take a higher dose.

Sending you and your family so much loveThanks

diddl · 04/04/2022 16:26

It is doubtful I would have thought that the cause is known.

It's very unlikely to be anything that you did or didn't do.

You will probably always blame yourself-it's what mothers do-but try not to!

2bazookas · 04/04/2022 16:29

I am so sorry. Have you heard of this association of parents who've been through this?

www.shinecharity.org.uk/related-conditons/anecephaly

yourestandingonmyneck · 04/04/2022 16:33

I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much for taking the time to raise awareness as I agree many people won't know that about folic acid.

However, it's not your fault. It's not purely folic acid related. Sadly, it's just "one of those things".

A friend was pregnant with a baby with this condition. She took folic acid for around a year while trying to conceive and then throughout the pregnancy. It still happened.

Not your fault at all. Just one of those awful things 💐

TheCraicDealer · 04/04/2022 16:34

This is not your fault, my darling; you can only rely on the advice given to you by medics.

I can however completely understand your desire to do something, to try to make it better for the parents coming after you. That is so brave and selfless. I will heed your warning as I battle through my own losses in TTC no2- I've slacked off with pre-natals as I can't seem to "catch" again after an ectopic in September, but you've given me a kick up the arse.

I'm toasting my Brew to Halle Mai as we speak x

SPRINGAIR · 04/04/2022 16:34

So sorry. It is NOT your fault though. Please do not blame yourself 💐

Tippexy · 04/04/2022 16:35

Folic acid can prevent up to 50% of cases of anencephaly but it is by no means the only cause and I feel your medical team have been a little insensitive there.

Thank you for raising awareness. Sending lots of love. Flowers

Flatbrokefornow · 04/04/2022 16:36

I’m so sorry, it must be so painful for you. I hope you have good support. Sadly, building little people is unbelievably complex and things do go wrong. Just because not enough folic acid is a factor doesn’t mean it caused the issue. There will be other factors, too. It’s brave of you to raise awareness in this way, but be kind to yourself, too.

Rosehugger · 04/04/2022 16:38

I'm so sorry Flowers

foreverroaming · 04/04/2022 16:40

I'm so sorry. I too had a termination for medical reasons, at 16 weeks. It was due to a different unsurvivable condition.

I recommend you contact ARC UK who specialise in this, I found them extremely supportive throughout the process and after.

Xx

thenewduchessoflapland · 04/04/2022 16:43

Please don't blame yourself,truthfully we'll never know how many babies end up with neural tube defects as many of those pregnancies end in early miscarriage before a scan can pick them up.

So many of us have never taken folic acid during early pregnancy;mostly because we didn't know we were pregnant yet;the neural tube starts to develop at days 17-30 of pregnancy and closes at around the 42 day mark.The neural tube development window is so very short.

There could be any number of reasons why you're little girl has a NTD;it was perhaps a little thoughtless of them to pluck out the folic acid one.

ikeepseeingit · 04/04/2022 16:43

Oh OP, this is in no way your fault. I'm so sorry. Thank you for taking the time to raise awareness about folic acid x

Georgeskitchen · 04/04/2022 16:57

So sorry for your awful news. And so sorry that your blaming yourself . I'm over 60 now and have healthy grown up children . I have no recollection of taking folic acid or it being recommended. I hope you can get past thinking it's your fault x

Wam90 · 04/04/2022 17:03

I’m so sorry, please don’t blame yourself 💐

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