I am really struggling.There have been lots of things that have happened in the past year that have been difficult such as the loss of my MIL and my parents divorce, but what has topped it all is having my mother and brother live with us as they had no where to go after the divorce. My partner and I have done everything we can to help and make them feel welcome, they pay hardly any rent, we have stored all their stuff, our daughter is 14 months and has never had her own room, loaned money to get a car, helped with getting 2 different jobs, cooked meals for them, cleaning all the time, taken on their elderly dog who would have been sent to the dogs home as they couldn't have afforded to keep him, paying for house hold things like toilet paper washing powder etc and even sent mum for a spa day. I have helped them look for houses and been emotional support throughout the whole time. We have done all these things to help them so they could save money and be able to move house more easily, I don't expect them to be indebted us. They are our family and I would never want to see them struggle when we could help by doing what we have. However, from the start they go and stay up in their rooms and avoid us, even eating all meals up there. They whisper to each other all the time and pretend to talk about something else when we come in the room. They complain about the baby crying at night and say that it's hard for them as they are tired and have to work. This is only the things I can remember off of the top of my head. So after almost a year and a few arguments the last one has really got to me. All my partner asked was could they help out more around the house, my mum's response was to act like it was an attack on her which she twisted into trying to make out that I am a bad mum and lazy, her point being that I should be the one to do everything as I am home the most and then trying to make out that my partner does too much and doesn't even come home to a meal cooked for him. I also work part-time. She tried to get between my partner and I all because he asked her to help a bit more than she was! He didn't believe her as he comes home to a clean house every day and a happy baby. She also tried to make out that I use her for free childcare all the time! She has watched dd a total of 3 times for roughly 2 hours max and some of that time I have made sure was over a nap. I always knew my mother was difficult but I never expected her to treat me like this. I don't know what I have done. I'm not perfect, and I'm trying so hard to be everything to everyone and keep the peace but it's not worked. My mental health is terrible and I've started having panic attacks again. She is always making passive aggressive remarks about me or DD saying she's a dirty child or when I'm overwhelmed saying I shouldn't have had her if I can't cope. I feel like everyone else's parents help out and want to spend time with their grandchildren, but my mother is only interested when it suits her and then chucks what little help she has given back in our faces.
I don't know what to do. We all have to live together for at least another month and now she won't even speak to us. I am so worried about this affecting my dd.
Sorry I know it's long, and thank you for any advise or even acknowledgment that I'm not alone.