How do I develop a thicker skin regarding this parenting stuff?

[mylittlepudding]

DD is just a year. And in recent weeks I have come under... well, question at least, though it feels like attack, from my mother, and my PILs. Over... you name it, sleeping, eating, discipline, playing. My DP is not publically standing up for me, though he does in private.

It really upsets me. This afternoon, it was just me and DD, and I realised, she is doing great. I am doing ok at this. But I don't know how to let it just wash over me. I value them as her grandparents - they all have a lot to give. I am finding it really discouraging at the moment. How do you develop that thicker skin??

I think it just comes over time tbh, everyone seems to have an opinion on everyone else's parenting and you're never going to please them all. But if your dd is thriving and, let's be honest that can only be down to you and to an extent your dh then you don't really need their advice/opinion/condemnation. You need to keep telling yourself this.

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You don't need thicker skin you just need a 'shit shield' - its a free invisible shield you put up around yourself when arounf family and at toddler groups etc to deflect shit comments. Great, cheap and easy to install!

Pmsl at 'shit shield'.

Well, I think it is that they know she is your first and that you therefore basically don't know much, sorry but that's the way it is
If you have another they'll leave you alone. Better have another on quick.!!

Thick skin is what you need. There are many ways to raise a child and none are right or wrong. If DD seems happy then all is well.

Can you avoid them?

I've caught myself giving advice before, and while I curse myself under my breath, it made me realise that those who give advice, however unnecessary, are usually well-intentioned, so I try not to get mad at the adviser any more, while I hum away and tune them out.

No chance of another one anytime soon!!!

My mother thinks I lack discipline, my MIL thinks there is too much...

I genuinely care about getting these things right but it just doesn't help and I feel like I've got it all wrong.

Will try and tune it out. A la DP reading the letters page of the Guardian out loud every morning, perhaps.

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Just learn to mutter "really how interesting"

or "hmmm yes never thought of it like that"

then " well WE thought we'd try this way but I'll bear that advice in mind thanks......another cuppa?????"

....whilst thinking "not in a million years you know-all"

it is SOOOO hard especially as you say because you DO want to get it "right" but you get to a point (as you did today I think!!) where you think "Bollocks to them all" we're doing just fine & actually there is very little in child-rearing that is right or wrong just different!!

Enjoy her!

mlp, there's no such thing as right and wrong here. There's only what's right for you and your dd.

Listen to advice, I always do, even after 6 children. I know that there's still loads I can learn.

Listen to what people say then chose to use or reject what is suggested.

It's more an 'at-the-time' thing. So if she is pulling the contents of the bookcase all over the floor (for example) my mother will tell her off. My MIL will tell ME off for try to stop and distract her. Aaargh! I feel so criticised. I wish I had the confidence to just say 'this is how we are doing things just now' and not second guess myself... does that make sense??

Yes it makes perfect sense, so just gently point out to them that she's your child and you'd like to do things exactly how you'd like to do them. You appreciate their input but, this is the way you do it. You don't have to be rude, just polite and confident.
I find once they're past the baby stage, you do tend to feel a bit more confident, so maybe in a couple of months, you'll feel better equipped to deal with it.

Ooh yes, the bookshelf thing rings a bell with me. My DD (nearly 2 now) used to do that and DH didn't mind, I didn't mind - I used to just put the books back in again, over and over, with no particular attention being paid to it. I said to myself, she's 1 year old...there's no point trying to stop her just now! But my (childless) friend was always telling me I needed to nip the book-pulling-out in the bud asap - perhaps she's a frustrated librarian

I bet you're doing brilliantly - as long as you know it, your confidence will increase and hopefully people will be less critical (or you will be able to let it roll off you more!)

I got that alot too, when DS was younger. I think it was because I didn't appear confident in my actions that others just exploited that slight hesitation to put in their penny's worth.
I learnt to head it off by becoming less polite and more opinionated (ie just like them! Can't beat em, join em). My choice was my choice and when (not if!) they said 'well, so-and-so does it like this', I'd just raise an eyebrow and 'well I do it like this', or 'I wouldn't do it like that, nooooo, tut tut tut'.
My mum still tries to take over the telling-off of my DS which drives me to distraction, but as soon as I say to her 'just leave it to me, I'll be the baddy. You're the grandmother, you're allowed to be nice all the time' she apologises. I guess she only does it out of habit of being the one in charge!
Because, after all, there rarely is a 'correct' way to do most things in child-rearing. If there was, there'd only be one book on it in the bookshop...