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Parenting

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Protecting children

2 replies

anon678 · 02/04/2022 17:01

Nervous even making this post, but looking for genuine advice from others who have lived experience.

As a child I was sexually abused my a family member (another slightly older child). In my teenage years I declared to a therapist, and made a police report made. Social services were involved briefly, but my parents at the time made me write a letter saying I forgave the perpetrator, and due to the perpetrator being underage, no legal action was taken. Shortly there after we moved countries (the move was already planned) so nothing was really done in terms of Social Services and I remained with family and the perpetrator basically didn't face any repercussions. Its been something that has never been discussed since in the family, and the perpetrator is still someone I am forced to see at family events, but does not live close by, and I ignore as much as possible.

I'm currently pregnant, and want to know how I can protect my child. I try to avoid the perpetrator for my own reasons already, but there is a lot of family pressure to attend events that the perpetrator will also be attending. I obviously plan to keep my child away from them as much as is possible, but I know there will be expectations that I attend family events with child, that the perpetrator will also be at.

Really appreciate any advice from others who have been in similar situations.

OP posts:
Strategist · 02/04/2022 18:04

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It would be completely reasonable to not want to attend events if this person is present. Family pressure or not, it's completely up to you whether to attend or not. Unfortunately you can only make decisions for yourself and your children, you can't control what other people think. It sounds like some family members might be unhappy if you choose not to attend some events, but there's not much you can do about that. It's okay to set boundaries with family, and sometimes that involves upsetting people and that's okay too.

AHungryCaterpillar · 02/04/2022 18:11

Just don’t ? I’m no contact with my sister and I don’t attend any events she will be at, you’re an adult you need to stop letting your family rule your life.

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