End of my tether - please help 😔

[Funnygirl12]

Hi all

I have an 11.5 month old that we are really struggling with at the moment and can’t help but feel we’ve done something wrong by him.

We started him on purées at 4.5 months as he was starving and both of our parents advised it was time. But he hasn’t progressed onto proper food since! He has 7-8 teeth and is well able to eat proper food, he just refuses it 95% of the time. As a result he isn’t sleep through the night and so I am nursing 5-6 times a night (Co-sleeping) as well as trying to work a full time job.

I really don’t know what to try or where to turn to start progressing food and sleeping through the night. I’d really love if he was at a stage that he was in his own bed.

Thanks

I think that you'd be advised to look at current guidelines for weaning as that's viewed as rather early. Even 17 years ago it was 6 months onwards. I think you and your parents might have unrealistic expectations about both food and sleep.

My eldest didn't sleep through the night until she was about 9. It's not necessarily about hunger. Mine always slept in their own cots. But that meant me getting up in the night to sort them out.

Once they were out of got beds they would come into me if scared but agreed not to try and wake me up.

I might be wrong but I don't think it is the lack of solids which is meaning he isn't sleeping? A 5/6 month old having no solids wouldn't need feeding 5-6 times a night. Our baby is 7 months, hardly eating solids at all (tastes only) and doesn't feed overnight anymore. You need to make sure he is getting sufficient calorie intake in the day (milk and solids) and reduce how much you're giving him overnight to help build his daytime appetite. I'm sure others who've done it can suggest ways but essentially you could just go cold turkey or gradually reduce the amount you feed him each night by cutting out feeds and reducing the length of them. It sounds though like he struggles to settle without being fed so you might need to work on self settling as well. Does he nap well in the daytime? Overtiredness can also cause frequent night waking.

He needs enough calories in the day from any source. He needs a set food routine and not to be constantly grazing.
Look for high calorie and calorie dense food.
Offer the normal solid food first and then when he’s eaten a some (and got fed up) give some purée. Choose filling ones.
Is he drinking enough in the day and do you still feed in the day? I still feed my 18 month old once or twice during the day.
My 4.5 year old often sleeps through the night but not always and my 18 month old can still wake frequently. It’s a myth this sleeping through.

I'd contact your HV regarding the eating - it could be a sensory issue, a swallowing issue or he's just not into it. Some of them take longer to get the hang of it so you just have to keep offering. Is he at nursery/childminder? How are they finding his eating? What milk does he have during the day?

My DC1 was a cracking eater at that stage - would wolf down all his meals. He was regularly up 3-6 times a night until 18mo and still wakes often now at just turned 4yo. DC2 by comparison didn't really eat much till about 10mo apart from formula and sleeps through. While no one wants to be hungry at night, I'm not sure it's as simple as hunger equals no sleep, sometimes it's comfort they're after.

i would suggest that you introduce purées with chunks, if possible and gradually increase the amount of "bits" in the purée. start off with a simple fruit purée or veggie purée, smooth in consistency and slowly add in bits of fruit and veg into the mix, each day adding a little more until it's mostly chunks of food as opposed to purée.

also, the night feeding might be because LO is feeding lesser during the day than should, try increasing milk by an ounce/an extra 10 minutes of nursing at each feeding. also, might seem a little harsh, but perhaps try at night only feeding to satisfy hunger, but not over feeding, so LO feels hungrier during day???

my two month old initially fed more at night than day, so i would reduce that ounces of milk two 2 ounces as opposed to 4 and he would wake up a lot more hungry, eating more during the day, we're down to waking up once a night, occasionally two when he feeds a little less during day!

hope it helps!!

The not sleeping through the night probably isn't related to his food intake. In terms of sleeping it wouldn't matter if he's eating proper food or purees as long as the total calories are getting in there. Before the age of one milk is meant to be his main source of food anyway.

I'd look at sleep associations (which is the reason my two don't sleep through the night..I've ruled out everything else I think)

Do you breastfeed him to sleep?

Babies wake up every 2h roughly..if they are used to being breastfed to sleep they will struggle to fall asleep again without being breast fed (or rocked, carried etc whatever was happening when they fell asleep).

It's a very hard habit to break (and I still haven't cracked it) but there is a lot of information on what to try if you Google sleep associations in babies.

I agree with the person saying gradually make the puree thicker and lumpier. Will he use things to dip? Yogurt with some fruit or hummus with those melty sticks you can buy.

mine was like that. At 12mo she hardly ate anything in the day and then would keep me awake all night with feeding. I think she missed me in the day and then wanted to make up for it at night. it was absolutely exhausting.

I'm not sure what worked but she did grow out of it. calorie-rich foods in the day helped (e.g. add melted butter to any puree to add calories) as well as as much parental attention as possible at breakfast / dinner. I gave up on serving healthy food - any food is fine. full-fat yoghurts were good too.