please will you honestly answer this question?

[clumsymum]

I am disabled (walk funny), and an older mum, I was 39 when ds was born.

DS is now 8, in year 3 at school. There are still a few mums who don't talk to me in the school playground, even just replying to a "hello" and a smile, and a couple who will talk to me if I'm on foot (drive to school and walk in) but ignore me if I'm on my mobility scooter (which I sometimes use so that ds can walk to or from school).

Why are people still afraid of disability?

And why would anyone tell their child not to play with my son? (yes honestly, it has happened).

I'm not being self pitying, I'm kind of used to it, having been disabled all my life, but I am still mystified by it.

clumsymum, the same thing happens to me, you're not self pitying, don't worry. Some people (especially in my age group, I'm 24) are very ignorant and rude.

People shouldn't judge just by loking at a person but they do.

it doesn't help that I look 15. I had some report me to the police in Italy because they saw a "disabled teenager" on her own.

I couldnt tell you tbh i dont have that attitude and im sorry that you have to deal with it i think its terrible

I couldnt tell you tbh i dont have that attitude and im sorry that you have to deal with it i think its terrible

I couldnt tell you tbh i dont have that attitude and im sorry that you have to deal with it i think its terrible

Sorry! Computer froze on me and reposted the message

Clumsymum, sorry to say, but I think that some people are just plain ignorant.

I'm talking specifically about the school playground here, when I say that some parents seem to revert back to their own schooldays when forging 'friendships' in the playground. So many times I have seen people trying to hang out with the 'in-mums', and people being excluded because their face doesn't fit or whatever. I also have a feeling that some don't socialise with others because 'it won't look good for them'. It's like we all revert to being 13 again. I must add, I can't be doing with all this, I left behind playtime politics some 25 years ago, but clearly a lot of people haven't.

I wonder if something like this happening. I also think that some people are ignorant with regard that they see the disability first, the person second. So instead of seeing a lady standing/sitting there who is clumsymum'sds's mum (which is how most of us are defined in the playground) they see a lady sitting on a scooter or (excuse me) walking funny .... oh, who happens to be clumsymum'sds's mum. And because that's their defining impression of you that's how they address you. But the problem is they don't know how to address you. So they become clumsy in social etiquette. To the extent that some are so scared of this clumsiness they feel safest not to say anything at all.

At a guess I would imagine this would be a bit soul destroying to experience this. Especially if it is affecting ds too. So if that is the problem, how to solve it? Answer, you don't need to change. You sound out going and friendly. You sound approachable and a well-grounded mum. I suggest you do the same as I do, just hone in on the more approachable mums (got a feeling I don't need to be saying this bit to you though). There's plenty I don't talk to much, I just can't be doing with their cliques.

I remember hearing once about a parent who went into their child's class to talk about their disability because the child was getting a bit of stick. For the life of me I can't remember who it was or what kind of disability, but the upshot was there was better understanding all round and a happy result.

Oh and before I go, less of the old, I'm 39 and had a baby a few months ago. Am really struggling with my age atm! That's a thought, if the average age of mums at the school is about 20, then the reason they are so stand-offish could be just as much an age thing as a disability thing. There's definately an age divide in our playground. And I'm on the older side.

well said kinki.

I had a brief spell in a wheelchair a couple of yrs ago after a bilateral foot op. I was horrified actually at how invisible I became. On one particular occasion I'd brought a blanket with me and it was trailing on the ground, a passer by addressed my husband (standing behind me) and not ME and told him the blanket over ME was trailing on the ground. I think it would be a good social experiment for people to see (albeit no-where near to the same extent) what it feels like to live with a disability. I have to confess that I previously used to worry I might offend a disabled person, eg offering help, but as far as completely ignoring someone, that's pants. People shouldn't make assumptions about a person because of a disability, it makes me sad.

Why would people stop their children from playing with another child because their parent is disabled? I dont get it - its not like disability is contagious!!

I've not really noticed it if I've been in my wheelchair but on the days I'm walking and pushing dd in her wheelchair (I have MS, she has severe cerebral palsy) then people don't speak to me. Very weird.