welfare concerns

[Newdad2022]

Hi, i am just looking at how or mainly "if" i should report a concern. I know this may not be the right space, and if somebody needs to move this to a different thread please do so.

My partner and I are in the process of splitting up, never easy I know! However, we had a 1 year old child. Now, as is normally the case, my ex partner is moving back in with her mum, understandably so.

To paint a picture, they live in a very large, very old dilapidated farmhouse. Now, upstairs the walls and ceilings are covered head to toe in thick mold, paint peeling off, walls crumbling etc. I'm not talking about a patch of mold, I'm talking the entire upstairs hallway and entering the bedrooms. The owner of the property refuses to have it looked at because he's "let it go too far now" and worries the repair bill for the landlord would be enormous.

The second concern I have is that my ex partner has disclosed that the owner of the property can be quite nasty and prone to domestic violence. For example pinning her brother (20) up against a wall, throws plates, smashes things etc. By all accounts he has a "bit of a temper" now ordinarily I wouldn't be concerned, however, I absolutely do not want my daughter subjected to that atmosphere and risk of developing any chest infections or worse.

They also have a disabled child with downs syndrome, about to move to secondary school, who I have seen put over the mums knee to change a nappy, quite a big young man. The mum will often scream and shout, hit or "drag" because he refuses to move.

Any advice would be appreciated. In terms of reporting, is this something that I should do? "somebody, the authority?" even entertain this?

Have you spoken to your ex? Is she ok moving her baby to that house of horror? I know she may not have a choice but I'd jump over hoops so I wont have to raise my child there. Please do what you can to stop this because this isn't a place for a baby.

@ISayItLikeItIs

Have you spoken to your ex? Is she ok moving her baby to that house of horror? I know she may not have a choice but I'd jump over hoops so I wont have to raise my child there. Please do what you can to stop this because this isn't a place for a baby.

I am sure the majority of the time it's okay, but I dont live there, though so I can't speak for how often these anger episodes occur. I suppose if I had to pick, my main concern is the mold. I mean words can't do it justice here, the upstairs is just completely covered, thick mould, ceilings, walls, creeping into the bedrooms etc. I don't know how to go about reporting this.... or if they'd just laugh me off and say "we're not mold inspectors"

I would report it to socials if i were you because if the mold is as you've described it, no doubt your DC will get sick living in these conditions. Imagine if you let it slide and then she gets sick, God forbid worse! Report it. If at any point you feel a child is a risk in any way, it should be reported. I don't think they will laugh at you.

Thanks for your advice, can anybody advise on this further. Maybe in terms of a legal perspective or from experience. Meeting a safeguarding threshold is extremely high.

Have you got any suggestions for where else they can live? Are you paying maintenance so that they could rent somewhere?

Where does she live at the moment? Did you own or rent together prior to splitting?

Who are you thinking of reporting to?
You're the parent right? It's your responsibility to take action if you're worried about your child, not the 'authorities'.
Social services are there to step in when parents can't or won't keep kids safe. If you have an issue, deal with it as the parent.

If nothing else you should report the vulnerable child who is being abused and already living in those conditions, to both his school and social services.

@Happenchance

If nothing else you should report the vulnerable child who is being abused and already living in those conditions, to both his school and social services.

Absolutely. You can and should report welfare concerns about any other child. Not your own.

@ReadyToMoveIt

Have you got any suggestions for where else they can live? Are you paying maintenance so that they could rent somewhere?

Good question.

And has the OP applied for 50/50 custody, so s/he / they can provide a safe environment for at least half the time?

What outcome would you be looking for from a welfare report? If you don’t want them living there, are you supporting your ex in finding somewhere suitable for her and your child to live?

They also have a disabled child with downs syndrome, about to move to secondary school, who I have seen put over the mums knee to change a nappy, quite a big young man. The mum will often scream and shout, hit or "drag" because he refuses to move. *
*
This is a really strange paragraph. What do you mean about the shouting hit or drag part? Does she hit him? Physical abuse should always be reported.
There is no issue with a disabled child wearing 'nappies' by the way. Many disabled children and adults have continence issues.

Who is the owner of the property? Is he the landlord, as you said 'The owner of the property refuses to have it looked at because he's "let it go too far now" and worries the repair bill for the landlord would be enormous' which also sounds odd.

I think there are a few key questions:

Is the split amicable?! Eg can you talk to your ex about your concerns or would this be considered malicious?

Why is your ex moving there? Can she stay in the home you shared?

What outcome do you want? Do you want custody, 50/50? Why not help your ex to find somewhere more suitable.

Why has no one been concerned about the child already living there?

And slightly pedantic but you say the 'owner' is concerned repairs would cost the 'landlord' too much. Surely the owner is the landlord?

No, her stepdad rents the land and the farmhouse that comes with it. If he reports it now, he is well aware the landlord is going to have serious questions about how it got to that state.

Your posts are confusing. I think you're clutching at straws. If you want custody of your child you need to be prepared to go to court for this. But you will probably get 50/50 shared custody. Regardless of the mouldy house.

I would be interested to hear the other side of this.

The owner is the landlord, so that bit doesn’t make sense. If the owner isn’t at the house often enough to know about the mould then how is he there often enough to be around DD to the extent you are concerned about his “temper”?

There’s nothing wrong with a mother changing their disabled child’s nappy over their knee, and the “drag” may actually be something like guiding them using e.g. TT techniques.

If you feel you need to report concerns about any child you can do so by contacting your LA’s children services. Although, if your motivation is wanting more contact or to become the RP you need to go through the correct channels for this.

To me it does just read like you're trying to get full custody of your 1yo by making Mum look bad. Where do you live now? You seem to be avoiding the question.