Parenting tips

[EJ81]

I'm expecting my first baby at 41, I have no clue what I'm doing like most, have booked my parent wise classes to help prepare but I'd like to know what is everyone's top tip..... what did you wish you knew before having a baby that made your life easier or that one thing you couldn't go without ( apart from get as much sleep in as you can )

Hi, OP. Congratulations on your pregnancy! We're going to move your thread to our Parenting topic now, as we reckon you may get a few more responses there.

Baby vests with the envelope neck... you can pull them down over the body instead of up over the head if/when they do a poo all the way up their backs.

Practice doing stuff one handed now.

Remember there can be lots of right answers in parenting. What works for others might not work for you.

Don't get hung up about breastfeeding. You can do it or you can't. Wish I really read into it more, harvested colostrum earlier pre birth etc, found a book just dedicated to breastfeeding and read it pre birth. 1 stupid online course wasn't enough.

Everything is a phase. It might feel like the end of the world at the time, and it might go on for ages, but things will change (and get better).

Also, breastfeeding really fucking hurts. It might mean your latch is wrong, it might mean tiny but very hard jaws are chewing at a delicate body part. Use nipple shields if you need to.

There's so much advice out there an most of it contradictory.

Pick your source (NHS plus a parenting site that fits your philosophy/ lifestyle) and then trust your instincts.

Other than that, every child is different. Focus on who your child is and what works for them. It's all very well having a parenting philosophy but the child hasn't read any parenting books.

Both you and baby will be learning. You can't be superwoman straight away.
Make the most of those periods of just sitting with baby, once the toddler stage comes along it's none stop

Obviously doesn’t work for all babies but I couldn’t live without my white noise machine (Snuzz Cloud) - baby sleeps like a dream with it on!

Depending on feeding preferences look into the Tommee Tippee perfect prep machine - it’s not for everyone (some horror stories about cleanliness similar to differing opinions on Sophie the Giraffe) and health visitors can’t recommend it, but several people told me it was their absolute must buy and I now agree having used one!

Agree breastfeeding can really hurt - if you want to try (zero judgement here if you are going straight to formula) ask as many different midwives/HVs for advice as possible (ie whenever you spot a new one in hospital just ask for a chat) as so many of them gave me little helpful tips that others hadn’t mentioned, and it all added up

Most of all, don’t beat yourself up about the small stuff, and try not to stress too much, I feel bad saying this as I HATED IT when people said it to me but a lot of it really does just come naturally once they are here!

They are real people from day one. Notice the curiosity they have about the world and be curious about them back. It will lead you well in almost everything.

Congratulations! Declutter your house, assuming your in a relationship work on any issues and make sure your 50/50 on housework and the mental load, in some areas you may need to consider childcare before your baby is born and enjoy just putting your shoes on and leaving the house without it being a 20 min ordeal of ensuring everyone has had a wee, got everything they need and are wearing appropriate footwear and coats.

The baby hasn't read the parenting books. Do what works for you.

"Obviously doesn’t work for all babies but I couldn’t live without my white noise machine (Snuzz Cloud) - baby sleeps like a dream with it on!"
If money is tight white noise is perfectly achieved by tuning a small portable radio between stations to get that "fuzzy noise".
Worked a treat for us.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Acceptance is key - baby isn’t sleeping, it’s just a phase. Don’t spend hours googling gadgets or spending a fortune on Amazon, everything is a phase and there’s no right or wrong. Accept it and don’t try fix everything.
I learnt this after baby number 2 which made me so much more relaxed for baby 3!
Also trust your instincts!

Encourage crawling it’s amazing for sequencing right and left brain development.
You can do this once baby is ready and old enough by placing their chest over your leg and having toys just within reach for them to grab.
Crawling is massively beneficial for gross motor skills too.
Always try and think about yourself it’s too easy to get lost in being a mum.
Have tea and coffee stocked up. Have some lovely bath and shower treats and don’t forget the food treats and the odd glass of wine.
When you are ready get out and about by yourself for at least 30 mins even if it’s a walk in the park library or popping to the shops or catching up with a friend.
Also I would say find your tribe of mums that have a similar outlook to you and you can relax in their company and share your feelings with.
Enjoy!!

Get a changing mat and have nappies and wipes on every floor of your house. It makes life so much easier!

Try and find onesies with zips rather than poppers ..so much easier!

Don't stress about feeding. Do what's right for you.

Read up on safe sleep. I am sure plenty of people will be along to contradict me, but it's the hill I die on. I've never co-slept and never will.

Plan to get out to playgroups etc as soon as you can because it's easier than being at home in my experience!

Oooh one more, I’m too Mumsnet illiterate to figure out how to link but we bought a little rechargeable light (about the size of the base of a mug) that you tap to turn on from Amazon. Sounds daft but we keep it by the next to me cot and it’s unbelievably handy for night changes/feeds without having to put the big light on/even a lamp. Easier for everyone to drop back off to sleep afterwards without loads of light disruption

Congratulations OP. I had my first (and only) at 40. It’s been a ride but we’re definitely keeping her

Do what works for you (and gets you the most sleep). Don’t feel like you have to follow every single (often conflicting) piece of advice out there. My baby wouldn’t be put down for the first 4 months and has consistently resisted every attempt to get her into a ‘routine’, I spent ages feeling I was getting it wrong (and plenty of posts on here would no doubt think it was) but ultimately she is who she is and she’s thriving and we’re all happy and healthy, if often knackered.

Definitely do some reading about normal infant sleep so you don’t end up feeling a failure if you get one that doesn’t seem to fit the mould that others expect. Also, unless you really want a particular person’s input into sleep/ feeding/ anything else, get good at saying that everything is fine and going great - otherwise you’ll get everyone telling you what you should be doing according to whatever approach they think best. Also get ready to say ‘ this is working for us right now but I’ll bear that in mind thanks’. I actually didn’t get TOO much interference and I think being older helps, but I was in a bit of a wobbly place where I took everything to heart for a while and I wish I’d not let it bother me looking back and just trusted that we’d figure it out ourselves

Congrats OP!

Google the 'fourth trimester' now, before baby arrives.

(It's the top answer to most of the questions new mums post on MN about their baby in the first few weeks)