Inlaw boundaries

[Jlias]

Anyone else have boundary crossing, controlling and manipulative inlaws? What do you do to manage that? I’m at my wits end

I'm having the same problem with mine.
My MIL has been horrendous through the whole previous 3 years (my daughter was 2 and a half).
From banning me from the supermarket she worked in at 18 weeks - because I wouldn't have a baby shower, to refusing to leave the room when I delivered and being the first person to hold my daughter, to be photographed with her, to telling my I'll partner that the reason he is so poorly (mental health) was because I was abusing him. There are numerous other incidents.
She made us bubble with her over the pandemic but everytime we asked her for help with a small baby that didn't sleep, suffered reflux etc she'd agree then drop us last minute for whichever reason.
She wants to know why I won't let my daughter go up her house, or be dropped off at her house for some time alone without us. My daughter is being assessed for special needs, we've been told to keep her routine stable and predictable but mil refuses to accept this as a reason for only having time with my daughter at my home.
I'm struggling to keep a lid on the fact that I cannot let someone who cannot respect me be alone with my daughter - my pfb. Thankfully, partner is understanding - his mother neglected him as a child and he ended up being raised by his nan. But every time we hold the boundary she gets all upset and causes a massive drama.

My parents are like this.

There is no law that you have to live your life the way they expect.

Decide how you want things to be and stick to it. If they get manipulative/sad / angry - just ignore!

When my mum used to send texts teying to manipulate me i used to respond and get upset. Now i delete the texts and act like i never received them. She gradually realised that sending those types of messages got her nowhere and she stopped!

It took me a few years to realise this is what i needed to do. I wish i had realised sooner.

My life now has less drama!

Been here OP. I've decided to go NC for the foraeeable to recover from how MiL ruined my early days of motherhood.

If anyone has some stock phrases for how to treat in laws constantly trying to break boundaries I'd be so grateful?