Toddler behaviour - what is normal?

[lentil88]

My 2.5 year old is kicking our ass. To the point it's causing problems for my mental health and my relationship. I spend every day on edge with anxiety as he just Does. Not. Stop. He won't play with a single toy, despite having so much and me constantly looking for more to keep him happy (it is not as case of overwhelm either as I spend so much time rotating toys, etc). He jumps off the sofa, beds, walls. I can't stay in the house with him ever. He doesn't listen to a single thing anyone says and is actually becoming violent. We have a new baby in the house too and the poor baby doesn't get a look in as the world just revolves around the toddler. We have tried everything - gentle parenting, time outs, taking things away and, I'm ashamed to say, shouting. None of his little friends seem to be like it and nursery are also complaining to me about him. I love him so so so much but am at a complete loss. What is normal???

All I can say is that my 3.4 year old was (and sometimes still is) exactly the same. It’s exhausting and I’ve shouted, as well as trying everything else. He has got better - today was bad but most days are better.
The thing that jumps out at me is that there is a new baby. My ds’s behaviour deteriorated when his sister arrived. He’s ok with her now but he was very unsettled by it.

Obviously it's hard to be sure without seeing him, but this does sound pretty normal for a 2yo. Crack down on the violence with consequences (time out or similar) but try to let it go if he's just being lively. I agree with pp that he may be feeling insecure due to the new baby. Hang in there OP!

Pick your battles. So what he jumps off the sofa? Unless he's jumping on to the baby's head, I really couldn't care less!

How much time are you spending outside? At that age, I'd run my kids out like dogs until they were physically spent!

It's probably a combination of the terrible twos and jealousy of a new baby. Does he go to nursery? If you can get a couple of sessions a week that might help. And plenty of activities to tire him out. Pick your battles and try to catch him being good so you can praise him.

for you once he is in bed!

Is he talking ? Meeting his milestones have you spoken to the health visitor

Sounds really tough. What are nursery having issues with? They will have seen hundreds of two year olds, so you’d hope they could give you some tangible advice.

Oh sorry, missed that he's already in nursery. Instead of complaining to you, they should be offering practical advice! They are supposed to be experts in toddlers...

Good routine - set meals, sleep etc and get out the house in day - park, walks, soft play etc burn some energy. Pick your battles only discipline on the non negotiable. The rest leave for now. If he's having trantrums he's getting overwhelmed need to look at what's happening to make him feel that way. If he's playing up he's wanting attention try to give lots of positive attention when you are playing with hun and less attention to negative behaviour. Don't set him up to fail, if there's things he can't do such as queue don't make him or give him distractions to help. For you try some mindfulness , if you feel overwhelmed focus on the here and now and breath. Really pay attention to the nice moments and during the difficult ones tell your self it will be over soon.