Advice for dad of 2 and a half year old

[NeverGiveUp84]

We have a great son unfortunately with the lockdowns and common illnesses which from allergic reactions to chest infections which have put him in hospital, we are struggling with a few things.
Speech therapist is involved now but I believe we are doing what we can pointing out things on walks, counting steps and asking him what things are.
We are still sterilising his bottles which he still drinks his milk out of 3 times a day. I always try and push juice or water out of bottles or cups. I think because it seems like he has been well for 2 weeks out of the last 4 months and getting him to drink just milk out if a bottle is difficult we haven't pushed it as much as I'd like.
Food is also a bit of an issue at the moment all he seems to like is toast and biscuits but because he has always been skinny and underweight since birth just getting him to eat is difficult, we offer and waste a lot of food/fluids. Weve been through stints where he eats bannanas, porrage, beans, mash but doesn't seem to want them any more. Our saviour is rice, seems to like just plain rice but if hes tired he won't even eat that.
Any advice or tips would be much appreciated.

Does he go to nursery ?
Can i ask why you are still sterilising, and why he is still on bottles ? What has the HV said ?

Is there a reason he is still on bottles? Generally formula should be dropped at 12 months and sometimes those with allergies may continue to 24 months but not beyond that.

Do you eat meals together? Is he allowed to eat of your plate? Let him/encourage him to play with food (look at tuff tray style activities), let him choose meals from cook books and kids cookery programs from ceebies, get him to help with cooking and don’t comment on if he eats something or doesn’t. On his plate always put at least one safe food and some other food but again no encouraging or comments if he eats it doesn’t.

What does his dietitian say?

I think it sounds like you could do with some support and mostly just reassurance. It's difficult to give advice because it sounds like your son has a significant medical history so they made need more tailored support and advice. I would make an appointment with your health visitor to discuss your concerns and they can help advise and support you.

A good book about eating is called 'My Child Won't Eat!', it's written by a doctor and it's really informative and reassuring. Fussy eating in young children is very common but if your child is genuinely underweight they may need specialist input so I won't give you any specific advice.

NHS advice is that sterilising bottles isn't necessary after 12 months so I wouldn't bother but that's up to you. Also advice is to ditch bottles after 12 months, has your child been to the dentist? If not I would get them a check up and they can give you advice about bottles and drinks too. Drinking milk from a bottle can cause tooth decay so I'd push to phase them out and replace with ideally open cups or straw cups.

Muffin tray meal: each segment can have something in it. Some with things you know he likes, such as rice. Some with things he has liked in the past, some things new. Very little bits, so two grapes cut in half put in one of the muffin tin segments. You can always top-up, but you want to avoid waste, so start small. Use air tight boxes for keeping food longer, so if you open a small pack of chicken pieces, then you put a couple in the muffin tray segment and then put remainder back in the fridge, in the air tight box, so can be used again next mealtime, or used in an adult meal.

Don't make it a discussion or a battle. Put the food in front of them, have a chat about something nice they did that day and let them get on with it. After day 20 minutes, take what is left away, no comment.
You can keep a track of what they eat by taking a photo before giving them the tray, taking a photo when you take the tray away. After a while you will see what they are eating, what they are not, and how over a period of time what they are eating has hopefully increased.

Fluids: always have water available. In hot weather, have cooled water.
Ice lollies can be useful in hot weather to increase fluid intake. Jelly contains a lot of water (choking hazard so supervise). Oranges, cucumber, tomatoes, grapes, are also good for fluid with fibre.

Sorry if I'm wrong about this, but do I detect that you're looking for advice because there is a difference of opinion between you and your partner as to how to manage this?
Are you both in agreement about what you should be doing/ try next?

DD is a really bloody fussy eater (not underweight at all just narrow acceptable foods). We are are trying to not make a fuss about it just keep offering.

I assume his ears have been checked? my DD’s nursery teacher advised us to speak to DD with our faces at the same level as hers so she could see us properly. If you are talking to him try to do it times like when you are sitting on the floor playing opposite him or if he has a high chair pull up a chair and talk to him while he’s eating, ideally eat with him at the same time same meals.

Try a 360 cup, we found that pretty good for getting her off the bottles.

I would say he doesn’t need milk 3 x a day? His milk intake should be limited at that age. I would say he isn’t eating/ is a fussy eater because he is full of milk and not hungry!

He goes to nursery once a week and seems to eat better with other children about.
We still sterilise his bottles cause he always seems to be ill and I guess we just don't want to make things worse, doctors or hospital. With chest issues or allergys, we've been 3 times for allergys and because of the whole covid situation nothing has been done. Weve been to the docs again today but hasn't been referred for tests yet.

We are going to try some of the advice on here thank you all.
Unfortunately my partner and I don't see Eye to eye on a lot of issues and I also work full time which makes things difficult.

It sounds like you need more professional input than only speech therapy. I appreciate how likely it is that you ds needs have slipped through the net over the last coupe of years. How does his hight and weight correlate I'm his red book, is he actually low weight for his hight, or small all over? Raise your concerns with his gp and push for a referral to a dietician. Don't swap milk for juice, it isn't good for oral health. The NHS website has give the guidance for this. Although the guidance is to drop bottles at 12 months for several reasons, speech development being one, I wouldn't personally do that until all your concerns have been addressed.