Did I miss out?

[NorthernGal21x]

Long story short I had a c section with first baby. I feel so close to them and love them unconditionally and I feel like our bond is the strongest ever.

It’s just a comment made a few days ago by a friend has upset me. She said “well you never had skin to skin with your baby so you missed out on building a bond” I don’t believe I did but now when I look back on the day I didn’t get skin to skin (during surgery I got shaky off the anaesthetic and afterwards was still too shaky to hold baby for a while) but I don’t feel like we haven’t bonded?

I don’t know the comment made me feel sad like she was looking down on me and that because my birth wasn’t similar to all of my friends’ births were that I was abnormal?

Ignore her.

She's either an idiot or just very bad at expressing herself.

What a nasty thing to say to someone, particular someone who has just given birth. She is not a friend. She is a horrible woman and I think you should avoid her. She said that knowing it would hurt you. Take absolutely no notice of her, she's talking complete rubbish.

What a twat. You've got a strong bond so it obviously didn't affect anything 💗

Some friend. Skin to skin is nice but not essential. I'm sure you've had plenty of close contact with your baby since! I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone who would be so unpleasant anyway.

She’s a rude idiot who doesn’t understand anything about attachment. ‘Bonding’ or attachment comes about through your repeatedly meeting a baby a needs, over and over again. It’s not one moment of skin to skin after a birth.

My DC are adopted so we definitely didn’t have skin to skin but are all very, very well bonded.

*meeting your baby’s needs

OP just ignore her, she is being a thoughtless arsehole.

Its like an open secret that we all think we love our own kids the most/have the most special bond/have the best kids in the whole universe - whatever the circumstances of their birth/recovery/feeding/etc etc.

And it’s ok that we think like that, because it’s absolutely true for all of us.

She is not a friend but a idiot who knows nothing

She's an ignorant rude fool and not a nice friend. My first DS was born via emergency c section and almost immediately whisked away for emergency treatment. I barely saw him before he was taken away, and because I was also ill, I didn't see him at all for another 24 hours. It makes not one difference to the bond between us that I didn't do skin to skin with him straight after birth. The bond already existed because he knew me, my voice, my smell, my movements from the 9 months inside me. Skin to skin is great, if it's possible, but it's not the only way to strengthen the bond with your baby.

She’s a rude idiot who doesn’t understand anything about attachment. ‘Bonding’ or attachment comes about through your repeatedly meeting a baby a needs, over and over again. It’s not one moment of skin to skin after a birth.

this.
Your friend is a fool.

I’d tell her to get to fuck.

Catty. Some women - thankfully rare - seem to think childbirth is a competitive sport. Ignore. No, you didn’t miss out. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of bonding since (maybe even skin to skin! It doesn’t have to be in the first minutes to be effective!). What a silly cow.

Silly woman, please try to ignore her ridiculous comment.
My DD was in NNU for her first 10 days - ELCS but she was delivered as early as they could at 36+1 due to the previous loss of my first child.
I was with her as much as I could be - her Dad & 2 Grandma's saw her properly before I did! But it was fine - she was with people who loved her when I couldn't be there.
I would have loved skin to skin straight away but I was so relieved and happy to have my daughter.
Me & my daughter have a really strong bond - please try to disregard comments like hers, these tend to stem from some insecurities on her part.

What an idiot. How does she think adoption works? Or does she think that if you don't form a "bond" in the first 10 minutes of a child's life that's it? What about dads? How do they form a bond? Honestly she's a tool. And a blunt one at that.

Read your own first paragraph again. It's beautiful.

Ignore her.

I bonded with mine well before they were born! Skin to skin wasn't really a 'thing' when I had mine as a long time ago but I can guarantee it made no difference. In fact I think I would have preferred them bathed and in a cute babygrow than the bloody towel they got wrapped in😍😉 treat that remark with the contempt it deserves...... Ignore!

Fuck that noise…. Just remind yourself of this when she’s buying incontinence pads in her late 30’s and you’re confidently sneezing and jumping on trampolines and not feeling like your bits are jigsaw puzzle made of scar tissue.

What a nasty comment. Not sure she’s a great friend.

@Justilou1 your comment is pretty horrible too. Can’t we just think all women are amazing for giving birth?

She’s not a friend. Ignore her. Or, if you want to challenge her on it the good old mumsnet phrase ‘did you mean to be so unkind?’
There are many ways to build a bond with your baby, as you have done. I also had an ELCS without immediate skin to skin, it took a while for my bond to build (I don’t think skin to skin would have made any difference, my pregnancy was traumatic for many reasons and I wasn’t in a good place). He’s 18 months old now and the absolute light of my life.

I had skin to skin but I wouldn't have been bothered if I didn't because I have an unconditional bond with my baby though caring and loving him. I don't believe that skin to skin made that happen. Ignore her.

What a thing to say! I don't think an hour of skin to skin when they're first born affects them for the rest of their life. It's a nice thing to be able to do but definitely not essential.

Your ‘friend’ is horrible for even suggesting your bond with your baby was in any way lessened. That’s an awful comment!

Firstly you can still have skin to skin at any point after birth, it doesn’t need to be immediately after at all.

I had an emergency section and don’t feel like my bond was in any way different with my baby.

Goodness. I had a bit of skin to skin with DD1 but I was off my face from exhaustion and medication so barely noticed it, then she was taken away for several hours as I was repaired. It really really hasn't had any impact on our relationship and she's 7. Your 'friend' is a twat. Is she high on extreme attachment parenting with a very small baby and normally a reasonable human being? If her attitude might pass as she comes out of the baby haze then just keep your distance for a year or so. Otherwise bin her off completely.

@Moonsand55

Read your own first paragraph again. It's beautiful. Ignore her.

This! OP, your 'friend' is deliberately putting you down to make herself feel better, ignore her. You clearly have a wonderful bond with your child - never, ever let anyone question that

Ds was 14 months when I adopted him. We are extremely close. Your friend is an ass. Bonding with your children is a constant lifetime commitment. Not one single action.