Worried about 6 year old DS

[foibles2011]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place - I wasn't sure!

I'm really looking for some advice WWYD?

My DS (6y) has had difficulty in social situations since he was a toddler, he has always been extremely clingy with me or if I wasn't available at nursery or school then with a female teacher rather than spending time with other children. At nursery they requested a SENCO observation due to "high emotional intensity, lack of social interaction and lack of engagement". The SENCO concluded that there were red flags but that we should wait and see.

In his first few years at school (around covid) we were told his social interaction was poor and that his gross motor skills and fine motor for writing were poor and that the school SENCO needed to observe - conclusion was again red flags but this time nothing to worry about.

Now in year 2 DS is having extreme aggressive meltdowns on a regular basis when he has to do anything he doesnt want, his routine is interrupted or he has to get dressed for school, he is still extremely clingy with me when out of the house ie sticks to my hip in the playground until the bell goes and wont play like his classmates, wont play at the park, cant ride a bike, still has poor handwriting and still struggles socially (he's always on the outside looking in ) and is very inward if that makes sense. BUT at school he manages to look fine and is achieving well.

I approached the SENCO at the school who told me that because he's bright and achieving well he's fine, maybe a bit eccentric and when I pushed based on his history he suggested DS see the ELSA in case something was going on at home to trigger his behaviour (it's not)

He is not being bullied, he doesn't enjoy school finds it boring but nothing BAD is happening there or at home.

This all sounds really horrible when I read it back because he is a loving, kind, sweet, funny little boy but as his mum I just sense that something isn't OK for him, that he isn't happy and I don't know how to help him. I don't WANT there to be a problem but I feel as if something isn't right and without the SENCO's support then my DS is stuck

WWYD?

If the SENCO knows anything it should be that children typically seem 'fine' in school but they aren't. Other people seem to like blaming parents when there are ND issues
Could you request for the educational psychologist to see him?
What is he like now at play times?
You could try going to the GP with your concerns, and asking for a referral. We had a referral to CAMHS for my son who referred him to our local neurodevelopmental team who assessed him.
I don't know why people don't listen to parents

Trust your instincts. He sounds beautiful and as though he needs support that isn't happening.

Can you afford to get him assessed by a paediatric occupational therapist? Cheaper and more useful than Ed psych imo

Thank you for your replies

@heartofglass12345 if i ask about how DS is at playtimes the teacher says he is "fine" or "improving" but he still wont leave my side in the mornings at drop off and in any out of school social situations.

@sweetbellyhigh how do I request to see an Ed psych or an occ therapist - do you know? If I can do it without the school then I will!

I did approach GP but was told that the school had to make the referral?!

Xxx

I think it’s not that school don’t want to help, but within the referral they have to do, they have to state all of the issues they see at school, what support is in place, how that affects the child and their behaviour off the back of this. It’s not as simple as Mum/Dad/Carer says this so here’s the referral.
I know it’s frustrating for you as a parent because you’re pushed from pillar to post. In many cases where a child masks and achieves in school but can’t at home, a private assessment is what kick starts the ball rolling for home/school support. Completely warped, unfair and means that only affluent families who can afford it get the help they deserve.
The system is broken OP, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it.

Oh this is a bit heartbreaking OP, your boy sounds lovely.

Does he have any friends at all in school? There should be some sort of support available for making friends, buddy system or something?

Does he do any clubs at all? Beavers etc?

What happens before/during/after the violent meltdowns?

I would find out about how one gets assessed for autism within your nhs trust and make sure you get a referral to them. I had similar with ds-he had a diagnosis and it is paying dividends now in year four.

And if you’re told school has to make the referral, ask to whom the referral is made and research it yourself. Push push push for the referral even if you are a pain in the arse. Sadly it is a case of the squeakiest wheel gets oiled first.

HI CAN ANY ONE HELP MW PLEASE my child has autism and the senco requsted a echcp and hes been refussed he has a OT AUITISM OUTREACH BEHAVIOUR SUPPORT SENCO AND THERE TELLING ME TO TRY SIPS OR CAMS I DONT NO WHAT TO DO I HAVE REQUESTED MEDITAION IS THAT RIGHT

This is what I would do:

Look closely at the DSM-5 autism criteria. Note down any behaviours you think fit and any behaviours you think don't. It's important to stick to only these criteria; there's so much misinformation online.

If you think your son might meet the threshold for diagnosis, and

1. you have around £1000: book him in with a private clinical psychologist who specialises in autism. You don't need a referral for this look online for somebody with the proper credentials and ring them up.

1. you can't/would rather not pay: take your DSM notes/examples and a copy of the NICE Guidelines, 'Autism spectrum disorder in under 19s: recognition, referral and diagnosis, back to your GP and explain that there appears to have been a misunderstanding. He, the GP, is responsible for referral to the autism team, not the school.

If the GP chooses to 'watch and wait' rather than refer: email the surgery, setting out how you think your child meets the criteria and politely requesting a comprehensive account of the decision not to refer. Push them to defend their decision. You'll either be put at ease by a thoughtful response, receive notice that the Dr's had a change of heart and referred after all, or be furnished with a weak argument you can work with.

Good luck to you. Your little boy sounds beautiful. If he's autistic, his meltdowns will reduce as you become more expert in managing his environment and he builds up strategies to cope with his emotions. Everything will get easier for both of you.

@08RACH8585, are you in England? You can call the Independent Provider of Special Education Advice (IPSEA) helpline for free advice about the echcp. www.ipsea.org.uk/