Extremely picky eater, how would you approach this?

[K37529]

I look after a girl who is 11. She has always been an extremely picky eater. She won’t eat any fruit or veg. Her diet basically consists of breaded chicken, pot noodles, sweets, crisps, rubbish basically, she will eat most meats as long as there are no special sauces etc. She will refuse to eat unless it’s what she wants at that time. I truelly believe she would starve to death before eating something she doesn’t like. could eat the same thing every day for a year and then one day say that tastes weird and will refuse to eat it ever again. I try not to get sucked into it and if she refuses to eat I just ignore it and pretend I’m not bothered. But I really find it soo frustrating! I sometimes make dinners specifically because I know she likes it and then she just says that tastes weird and refuses to eat it 😫 mostly though I am worried about her health, her mother is anorexic, is missing most of her teeth because of poor nutrition (and probably years of making herself sick) and just look so Ill, she is a bag of bones. I have tried to explain to her that if she keeps eating the way she is that she will end up like her mum but she just brushes me off. Anyone had a child like this and what did you do what made it better? On the one hand I think she is just being awkward like refusing to eat as a form of control? Basically I’m not eating that because your telling me to. On the other hand because her mum does have an eating disorder I’m worried she may also have an eating disorder.

Could she be neurodiverse? Autistic?

Is there medical help you can access for her?

My friend is going through this atm with her daughter (who is neurodiverse). The Consultant told her to just keep offering new foods alongside what she does eat and not to comment whether she does or doesn't eat them. He also said it will do her no harm if she ate a very limited diet for a year or so and that as long as she was eating something that was the most important thing.

linksharing.samsungcloud.com/hjX69FivPM6j
It sounds like she has ARFID, a less well-known eating disorder. Go gently with her.

@doadeer I have often wondered that it may be autism, she has other traits like social anxiety (looks at the ground if anyone talks to her, turns bright red, and won’t talk back), she didn’t even talk until she was 3, and one of her siblings has autism.

Slide 16 onwards particularly useful.
My kid has ARFID.
ARFID AWARENESS UK are helpful too

I wish I'd known about ARFID 20-odd years ago. Was just coming on to suggest it.

My kid has ASD, this type of eating is common in Autism but can exist alone following trauma such as choking, gastroenteritis, prematurity and medical interventions.

Hi blacksax

@GrazingSheep I can access medical help for her, think I might contact her gp

My son is autistic and it's a complex relationship with food. Lots of my friends with autistic children report the same. Very very specific safe foods. Inc specific brands.

My son eats the topping of tortilla pizza for dinner then yoghurt and fruit. Every night.

I would suggest reading up on it but also seeking external support.

It's more of a phobic or fear response to food

Never heard of ARFID will check it out thanks x

1. Start by finding her a multi-vitamin she is willing to eat/drink.
2. Expose her to different foods, but do not try feeding them to her unless she specifically asks to try it.
3. Sometimes children are willing to try different foods in different environments, such as at a picnic in the park or whilst trying tasters at a food market/festival.
4. Expand her pallet by offering her foods that are very similar to the food she likes but slightly different, such as if at the moment she only eats Pringles you could try offering her Walkers Baked.

I have tried to explain to her that if she keeps eating the way she is that she will end up like her mum but she just brushes me off

Please don’t say this.

It sounds like there are a lot of control issues around food in her life so the more you make food a neutral the better.

But be warned that whenever you stop reacting to any behaviour it always intensifies first.

My ds has autism and a lot of sensory issues. One thing that works well for us is putting food out to serve yourself. Even if you’re not hungry, we all sit together for a little chat (I also let him read to help him block out overwhelming stimuli and focus to eat). Once he’s had enough he can leave the table but I leave his plate as he often returns a while later.

I give him a multi vitamin too.

I dint think this child is “picky” I think it’s much more and you are right, she probably would starve before eating a food that wasn’t safe.
My DD went for almost a week on a school trip with very little food because they wouldn’t provide her with a sandwich without mayo on it and insisted that her evening meal had to be served all piled on the same plate. This child probably has ARFID and needs specialist help
Will she take mulitvits or drink milkshakes?

@Hoppinggreen I will try her with a multivitamin and see if she’ll take it I know you can get ones that are like sweets so this might work. How is ARFID diagnosed? Is it through the gp or will the gp refer somewhere else?

Thanks everyone for your reply’s!

Be prepared for the GP to have no knowledge of Arfid, ditto the dietician, school nurse, HV, . Read up, stand your ground

Something that helps me is to identify commonality in the safe foods. Think texture, smell, look, colour, taste - do they have anything in common? Then I try to subtly add in items similar within those groups but always offering safe foods.

Eg my son eats pepparoni, so I try chorizo.

Might seem a small thing but it means we don't have 5 foods he eats. And slowly slowly I hope to expand his foods.

[quote K37529]@Hoppinggreen I will try her with a multivitamin and see if she’ll take it I know you can get ones that are like sweets so this might work. How is ARFID diagnosed? Is it through the gp or will the gp refer somewhere else?

Thanks everyone for your reply’s![/quote]
I’m sorry I can’t help with diagnosis as we had to figure it all out ourselves after our GP said DD “ wouldnt starve herself “ . She did

Ds was diagnosed with ARFID by a psychologist after an assessment by a specialist multidisciplinary team. It took years and a huge amount of pushing by us to get to that point.

Ok so it sounds like doctors don’t really know much about eating disorders but I will contact them anyway. What I’m really looking for is the best way to approach this. For example today for dinner I made roast chicken, she ate the chicken only, refused the mash potatoes said they make her feel like vomiting (she previously would eat mash but has stopped past few months) and I didn’t even try other veg because she would have refused to eat the whole thing. So after she ate that she then had ice cream.

Now the rule in my house is no dessert if you don’t eat your dinner and this is what I do with my children as I don’t want them thinking they can refuse proper food and then be treated after, however she had eaten so little all day (two small sausages and a few gummy sweets) that I just let her have it. Is this the right thing to do?

So should we basically let her eat whatever she wants even though it is all so unhealthy, or limit unhealthy food even though she will just refuse to eat? I obviously don’t want her to starve but I also don’t want my children picking up these habits. She also refuses to drink unless it’s an unhealthy drink, either fizzy drinks or chocolate milk and she uses way more chocolate powder than she should. So what do I do keep the fridge stocked with coke so that she doesn’t get dehydrated? She recently had an abscess, dentist said she needs fillings and possibly a tooth pulled

Ds is being treated at a specialist clinic and we were told
'all food is good food'

They have said that because he is so underweight and so restrictive that getting him eating is the only priority. He will eat one takeaway food and the dietitian has advised us to up that to twice a week. At the moment they are not concerned about 'healthy foods' for him..

So I think you did the right thing with the ice cream.

Yes. Calories are king