If toddler rejects a meal do you offer alternative?

[Rvah99877]

My daughter is just over two years old..she ate everything up until about 18 months old..all vegetables etc. since then she’s on the beige food diet and fortunately still eats any fruit but apart from that it’s bread, bananas, potatoes, beans! I’ve been not making a fuss as I guessed it was a phase..I always offer her what we’re having which is healthy vegetarian meals (tried her with meat too). 9/10 she rejects and won’t try one bite so I leave it in front of her a while and then eventually make her peanut butter on toast or something like that.

Am I doing this wrong? Do I say this is all there is…you don’t have to eat it but there’s nothing else or is she too young? My worry is now when I put a healthy meal in front of her she immediately asks for bread / she knows there’s a second option.

Also I’ve tried hidden veg in pasta sauce etc but she won’t eat pasta anymore or soup….but worried she’s just getting zero veg and not even much protein. She won’t even eat stuff like fish fingers.

I can understand your concerns as I've been in a similar situation with my DD (who is now 2). I've always felt that I wouldn't get into a food battle with my children though so I will make an alternative as well as offering the main meal. I try not to let it bother me (it's so hard though isn't it?). Now my DD is a bit older she's getting slightly better. I try to sneak veggies in if possible. My DD won't eat pasta but will eat cheesy mashed potatoes with some broccoli mashed in! I've had trial & error trying to find things she'll accept, it's hard when they won't eat a delicious nutritious meal but try not to get stressed and stay calm & cool about it. Good luck.

Yes. We used to use Philadelphia on toast as a fallback.

Toddlers rejecting food (especially food you've lovingly cooked for them) is worrying and frustrating. But not a hill I chose to die on.

There was a period at about 2yo that DD basically lived on croissants and blueberries. Of course we worried but...

1. Kids need less protein than you might imagine
2. If you view nutrition on a weekly, rather than daily, basis she actually got decent nutrition taking into account various veg sticks she had as snacks.

No I don't offer an alternative. The food on offer is well made and tasty and healthy.

Nope. He has his safe foods that we know he loves (potatoes in any form, sausages, rice, broccoli, carrots, peas stuff like that) so I try and make sure whenever we try anything new he always has one of his safe foods available so that he can't use the I don't like it excuse. If he does start saying he doesn't like it and refusing to eat the plate is just removed and we continue eating ours, he will ask for it back within minutes and will either eat the whole thing then or he will atleast eat the safe bits and leave the rest. Its not ideal when he does that and doesn't get a full meal, but I would rather that happen occasionally then him learn that if he says he doesn't like it he can have a new meal every time.

I offer something he will definitely eat as part of the meal and leave it at that. So a slice of buttered bread on the side or something. He’s still terrible though.

I always offer something else but I do it as a bedtime snack - something like porridge or cereal about two hours later. That way the they don’t assume your going to offer something else if they don’t eat dinner.

No we've never offered an alternative. They have always had the same meals as the adults. We would ask the reason if they didn't eat and maybe a warning would be given that they would have a very hungry night. They may or may not choose to eat, but they never had any thought there was an alternative if they held out IYSWIM.
It will be tricky to turn it around though OP, as the idea of alternatives is now out of the bag. I think you're going to have to ride it out. In your situation, I would be using tricks like giving crudites as a starter whilst they are hungry and waiting for dinner to be cooked so they can tuck into their beige having already had the veg quota. Make all snacks fruit or veg only and possibly freely available (rather than set snack times). Maybe make meal portions a bit smaller too so they are inclined to snack more. I definitely wouldn't want dinnertime battles, and whilst breezily starting to refuse alternatives is an option, only you know if DC is the type who will easily crack or stubbornly starve themselves for days.

Plain natural yoghurt, banana or rice cakes are always available if they don’t want dinner. They will eat them but don’t love them enough to avoid dinner.
If they don’t eat anything they don’t sleep through.

My DGS is autistic so when he comes over i give him what he does like eg fish fingers and chips while the rest of the family eats what I make. Having grown up myself in an era when a jam sandwich or boiled egg and toast fingers was considered a meal myself I'm not fussed and am just happy he eats something!

Thanks everyone…some good idea here. I like the idea of making sure they have something they like as part of the meal..maybe this is how I phase out the ‘alternative’ by including the alternative within the main meal, like someone said, including buttered toast with the adult meal. I also like what someone said about giving porridge a few hours later a supper because then it’s not associated with an immediate alternative and she will actually eat porridge…one of the healthier beige foods!

I’ll try the idea about only fruit and veg for snacks and making these freely available too (or at least the veg freely available..think she’d happily only live on fruit). I’ve tried veg with dips but she will just eat the dip with her fingers and ignore veg 😬

I know it’s just one of those things but I tried so hard with healthy weaning and always giving her the same food as us I now feel like it’s all undone!

Same as @myyellowcar we offer something we know she will eat alongside the meal.

My DD is 20 months and doesn't like anything with sauce now. If we are having pasta in sauce I give her some of that, then some separate sauce and separate pasta and some veg to pick at (she loves peas, sweetcorn, carrots etc still thankfully). She can have more of any of those things too usually, but nothing that isn't part of the meal. Definitely no toast or whatever if it isn't part of dinner.

@Rvah99877 it's a phase, it's allllllll a phase, remember

From what you have said I don't think her diet is too bad! A beige diet to many is chips, chicken nuggets, fish fingers, no veg or fruit or even porridge a lot of the time. It's about what they eat in a week and month too, don't worry about one day in isolation. Just keep offering, don't make a big deal out of things.

I recommend Gentle Eating by Sarah Ockwell Smith too.

My DSis studied child psychology and told me that toddlers suddenly get very suspicious of a variety of foods at about the age when they could - just - survive on their own if you went AWOL. She thinks it's an in-built safety measure.

DS (who turned out to be autistic) was extremely fussy so I used to put some basics on the table: carrot sticks, apple slices, sliced cheese and plain crackers or rice cakes. If he didn;t like the dinner he could eat those, or he could try a small amount of dinner and fill up on familiar food.

IMO the most important things are to make family meal times a relaxed and happy occasion and for children to understand as early as possible the importance of eating from all three major food groups. If you do those two things, they will probably turn out OK. DS, after years (and years) of being super fussy suddenly turned a corner and is now very adventurous with food.

It's not worth turning it into a battle of wills.

I have a fussy 5yo, we've never tried to force her to eat something because it would backfire! She always has something in a meal she likes, then something new.

I think it's about slushy textures so she often has raw veg when we have cooked (I just stick some on a plate for her pre-cooking). If we have something she'll find challenging, she gets it in a separate bowl and loads of praise for trying it. It's meant we eat way more meat than I'd ideally like because she barely eats cooked veg other than peas and sweetcorn.

I totally agree with findingsomeone....... Its a phase, actually what she is eating is quite healthy, porridge was always my fallback made with organic whole milk for supper if they were hungry and there is a surprising amount of protein in peanut butter on toast! I didn't realise til quite recently when my veggie son was trying to up his protein due to doing weights and started counting grams of protein that there is actually at least 10% protein in bread😋 my favourite food. You probably find that she's actually choosing quite a balanced diet when you look at it as a whole. I have always struggled with a lot of foods (childhood issues still 🤢 at the stuffed marrow step father forced me to eat, still can't stomach mincemeat) so always tended to ask mine what they wanted as I cannot eat things I don't like so would never force my kids. At that age my youngest's favourite was a plate with cheese cubes, breadsticks and grapes or marmite toast soldiers. He now eats a far healthier diet than me!

Nope for young ones.

The teen decided to become a vegetarian which added to my workload though

I have a nearly 4 year old who has always been a fussy eater, goes through phases of how bad. As a general rule we have never offered anything as a substitute for a meal. If they're hungry, there is a meal to eat, plus a portion of fruit and milk before bed.

Yes, food isn't a battleground in our house and not a source of stress. If she doesn't want what we are having then she has some toast or something. Sometimes I don't fancy stuff either but I have the choice not to make it in the first place, unlike young kids who are generally just presented with stuff.

Does she go to nursery? DD will eat absolutely everything at nursery - something about sitting with peers and everyone eating together I think. At home she's a bit more fussy, not massively so, but some days if she's tired or it's been an otherwise emotional day then I'll just stick to a safe meal as it's not worth the stress. Most things are a phase at this age, really.

@Hugasauras yes she does go to nursery and (apparently) eats everything!! It bewildered me and my husband to see she’d eaten ‘all’ of her cauliflower, broccoli and cheese gratin but won’t eat a tomato at home. At least she’s getting veg a couple days week! I feel like turning up randomly and being like AHA! I know your secret 😂

@Rvah99877 Hello. Can I ask what happened with your little one? My 17 month old is exactly the same. Even similar safe foods. I’m so worried constantly 😞

What @gingerhills said

While we were evolving, you'd forage for food for kids then at about your child's age they'd start identifying and eating food for themselves.

It's a natural protection method to only eat the safest foods as you don't want a straying toddler trying new berries etc when no one is looking. So we evolved to have this fussy stage.

Some safe food with every meal, as pp said.

Also in between meals you could experiment with playing with food a bit more - let DC wash veg for you, or scrub carrots with a brush etc, or play with noodles or a toy hidden in jelly etc. just to increase familiarity with other foods and willingness to touch, and you can get them to try a bit too.

My 2 year old is extremely fussy and I offer him meals/whatever we r having but will always make him toast if he refuses (sometimes he even refuses that!) I still give him fruit and yogurt. I’m just not willing to argue with a toddler over food or send him to bed with sn empty tummy. I’m sure he will grow out of it. I don’t know any adults who only eat toast ! My SIL is very harsh and if her kids don’t eat what she’s made that’s it nothing more til breakfast. Everyone parent’s differently but I just think for very young kids it’s too harsh

@Tired890 my daughter is now almost 4 and is an amazing eater! She still needs a bit of encouragement but yesterday she had oat pancakes for breakfast, salmon pasta for lunch and chicken curry for tea! She eats pretty much any veg too! Totally different now. I have a younger daughter who is now the same age my eldest was when I wrote the original post and she’s a nightmare, only wants cheese sandwiches haha. I think it must be really common around 18 mths - 2.