New parents - will the arguing end?

[MrsSmurf2019]

DS is 10 weeks and I feel like for 8 of those weeks all me and DH have done is argue :(

I know sleep deprivation plays a major part but a lot of factors have built up and make us argue. We do have times we don’t but at least once a week we are.

I feel quite disappointed with DH. I thought her help more and I’ve took over most of it which hasn’t helped so now he needs help with some basic things with the baby. I didn’t get the recovery I wanted and now my baby seems so big and grown up (stupid to say for 10 weeks old but they just grow so fast!) and I’m gutted I didn’t fight the no visitors protest for the first week and just soak up in the tiny newborn bubble.

DH wanted all his family to meet baby quickly which meant me after a c section, in a bit of pain, was playing host for people. He told me not to but it’s so hard to ignore housework when you’ve got people round every bloody day!!

We also spat over random things it’s just relentless. It’s making me sad he says he loves me and I know I love him - will this end? I just feel like we’re knocking heads constantly and think that we need some alone time (haven’t DTD yet) but I don’t want to ask anyone to babysit!

Slow down. You still have a new born. Stop worrying about the other stuff and enjoy your baby.

The book how not to hate your husband have kids is really good for both of you to read. Get DH to read it now but remember it’s not about the new born phase or the even the first year which is about survival.

Yes - as long as ultimately you are equal partners and he does his share. Having a small baby is very difficult, you are both shattered, you have no time for yourselves or each other. As your little one gets bigger you will carve out space for each other. Me and my DH have been through a lot pre baby and I thought nothing could rock us, but the first year after DS was born was hard. Our roles were suddenly really different, and we resented each other. Over time things settled and it got better, you have to try and communicate with each other as best you can and as your LO gets bigger you will carve out time for each other. You’re still on the hormonal rollercoaster!
Xxx

It does get better, but the first year is hard. Right now your focus is on recovery and baby. Not him. So this will affect how he feels. Some partners can feel pushed out, and having a hormonal mother and new baby is always going to add stress to a relationship.

So reset boundaries together, make it clear what you BOTH need from each other. Fights about who changes baby or where the pacifier is are normal, but there’s usually an underlying issue that needs addressing. You’re also sleep deprived, so that’s leading to irritability and snappiness.

Focus on being grateful for the kind and helpful things your partner does. Do nice things in return. Say thank you. Take any help from family and make sure you get out together. Lots of walks, lots of snuggles with or without baby.

If you’re only arguing once a week, that’s not too bad! You’ll get there x

Yes, it does get better. But it sounds like he's not pulling his weight, so you need to insist on that otherwise it will fester and you'll end up hating him.

Don't worry about having sex yet, you need to heal properly and also, you're constantly attached to a baby at this stage. I needed a bit of space (and sleep) before I felt like doing anything - it was a good few months.

I think you need to clearly & calmly tell him what you need. Literally spell it out to him and be Crystal clear. It’s hard for you both adjusting to a newborn and it’s still early days.
And yes I despised my DH after both my babies were born 😂