Overnight stay with dad

[Labh]

My daughter is 2 and sees her dad once/twice a week due to him working shift work and her going nursery.
I want her to get in to a routine so I’ve said about her seeing her dad the two weekends he’s off a month as them days never change on his shifts.
I’ve suggest a overnight stay from Saturday morning to Sunday morning as she’s never stayed over night with him before and feel like we need to gradually build up the time longer. He’s not agreeing with this as he wants her longer then what I’ve suggested and he also doesn’t want both his weekends off having his daughter. I’m unsure about her staying overnight as he lives in a house share but I’m being reasonable.
Not sure what else I can do?

You want her to go from seeing him twice a week to twice a month? Seems a little unfair and isn't really getting her used to seeing him more imo

At 2, I don't think, personally there's any need for such a push for a change of routine, if what's happening works well already. if a driving factor is that you'd also like some downtime at weekends, that's not unreasonable, but you need to accept that the father has an opinion too.

If the father would do one weekend, but wants more than one night, then really I think that you've got to decide if the weekend is that important to you or not. A compromise maybe 1 overnight for the first 3 overnights then try 2 overnights. But I think that you need to accept he'll want to maintain his other contact as well as this one weekend a month.

Then aim that preschool age or at start if school, he'll need to move to both weekends to maintain this level of contact.

I completely understand your point. But right now he’s sending me his rota and I have to go through days and schedule in when best suits around our daughter. But it’s not going well as he’s sometimes not available then I’ve already made plans so it’s not working. And his shift pattern changes every month apart from the weekends.
My daughter is going to start going to nursery 4 times a week so that’s why I’ve suggested on his weekends off to have our daughter.
One weekend to have her overnight then The other weekend to have 2 full days with her.
I’ve been reasonable the whole time he don’t pay no maintenance towards our daughter, I’m compromising by saying overnight stays even though he lives in a house share and has a shared kitchen And shower.
the weekends with my daughter are more important then me having downtime.

Contact and maintenance are two very separate issues and shouldn't, imo, be a part of the same discussion.

If there's an issue with maintenance go to cms.

If this went to court, every woman (and they've all been women) has been told to suck up the rota and live with it.

Perhaps the way forward is that he sends his rota with his availability on it/suggestions for dates.

I'm not suggesting weekend contact shouldn't be pursued, but ultimately I don't think that when not school age that this should be the focus.

Is your daughter going all day on the 4 days at nursery? Is this so you can work?

If it went to court I wouldn’t be told to suck up the rota and deal with it as my friend was in the same situation and the judge said as her ex worked shift he would have to see his child on the weekends he doesn’t work.

I have been cms and they have been trying to get into contact with him. What father doesn’t want to pay for there child.

Yeah it is so I can work as being a single mum is hard.

@Labh

If it went to court I wouldn’t be told to suck up the rota and deal with it as my friend was in the same situation and the judge said as her ex worked shift he would have to see his child on the weekends he doesn’t work.

I have been cms and they have been trying to get into contact with him. What father doesn’t want to pay for there child.

Yeah it is so I can work as being a single mum is hard.

Please be wary of thinking this if it went to court will go the same way as your friend, I've supported lots of lone parents and honestly all of them have been given orders that mean the rota is is worked around. And if your friend is pushing/encouraging you as a result then I'd query the intentions. For a 2 year old, there is no reason that he couldn't be having the contact on his days off. You have another 16 years of coparenting ahead of you. Do you really want to set the precedence at this point that it will have such acrimony? The cms, until he responds won't proceed. And that is shit. But again irrelevant to the contact issue as children are not payg per visit. I'd lo going to nursery ft for 4 days? Or part-time under the funded 15 hours? Is it so you can work?