To want to meet friends several times a week?

[lonelymum888]

I’m a first time mum with a lovely DS who is 18 months old. Initially I struggled to meet other mums through baby groups and classes but have finally made a couple of acquaintances (or maybe you could even call them friends?) who I see a couple of times a month for coffee and/or soft play.

The issue is that I feel quite lonely and would love to have a close friend or two who’s free to meet up more regularly - perhaps once or twice a week - both with our children but also for the occasional adults night out.

Am I being unreasonable/unrealistic to expect anyone to want to do this when everyone is seemingly so busy and probably has lots of other friends they want to see?

In my experience it seems to be only people who have been friends since being children who meet up that often.

How often do you intitiate meet ups?

Could you go to more groups to make more friends?

Do you work?

Hmm. To be honest I think it would be the exception, not the norm. I don’t know what your circle of acquaintances/friends are like, but when work/family/pre-baby friends/hobbies/general life are factored in, myself and my 2 antenatal friends are doing well to see each other monthly. It’s nothing against you, I just think it would practically be a lot and others might not be keen for a relatively intense friendship with someone they haven’t known that long.

If it makes you feel any better I don’t even have anyone to go for coffee with. Moved cities before lockdown and now work from home and have a small baby. I do a few baby groups and chat there but that’s about the limit of the female company I have.

You’re not unreasonable, but you might be unrealistic.

Most mums of 18 month olds will be working, and even if they’re part time their won’t all have the same day off.

And they’ll probably want to do some baby classes/ trips/ activities on their own.

And they’ll need to do stuff in the house

And they’ll want some time just to chill at home

And they’ll want some time with their DH.

So unless they’re such close friends that they can literally sit having coffee while the one chills / washes up / sorts an online shop with zero awkwardness - there just aren’t enough hours in the day for this.

Apart from family, I simply wouldn't have had time for such regular meetings with others, not even with people I really, really liked back when my DC were do young. In fact, I would have never had time or the inclination for this.
It seems you are looking for regular adult company. One option is to attend regular parent&toddler groups but you might not like everyone there and also you wouldn't really get to chat that much with adults. Otherwise join an activity/ sports group you can attend regularly without your little one.
I think most people would find it too intense meeting the same person so regularly, unless you've been really good friends since childhood or are related.

Unrealistic, people are busy: other kids, extended families, life admin, work, etc - I have friends I touch base with every other day on message but I couldn’t commit to seeing anyone that much.

I think night out once a month is realistic. 2 meet ups per week with DC is doable but of course depends on personal circumstances: part time work, other children, appointments, other baby groups, amount of relatives near by.

Yeah I think this is more easily achievable during maternity leave. We had a small antenatal group of four who met up at least once or twice a week, but everyone went back to work and we all do different days and have different childcare setups, so while we do still see each other, it's definitely not as regular and much harder to arrange!

I saw the same mums a few times a week at that age, simply because we attended the same few local toddler groups. But actually, those intense friendships, they seemed to be the ones that blew up in big fallings out, and drama that with hindsight would have been best avoided. You might be better widening your circle of acquaintances, so you can meet different friends but more regularly?

When mine where little I had friends I met a few times a week. We met at baby group and in hospital. As the kids got older we grew apart apart from one I'm still in touch with but haven't seen for ages.
I would recommend finding local baby groups, soft play Groups, music groups ect. Hopefully you can find some like minded people also looking for friends.
I'm quite chatty but I can't say I found it easy either.

I understand why you want to, but I agree with other posters you're wing unrealistic. People just don't have time. I'm a SAHM and I've never found time to meet regularly with the same people more than maybe once every few weeks or so. That's even including my long time ore children friends who had their maternity leaves the same time as I had my first child, even when they were off we never managed more than once every ten days or so. People are busy, very few people literally have nothing to do except for meeting people socially.

Once people have finished maternity leave and are working it's much harder. Imagine say someone is part time even, they work three days and have two days a week off. That's maybe one day a week to do whatever they like with their child (incl socialising), one day a week to get all their life admin/housework/shopping etc done, then perhaps one day at the weekend for just their own household to do stuff/chill out and do nothing and one day at the weekend I see their own families etc.

I think you'd be better trying to carve out some time for yourself where you can maybe join some sort of hobby group that meets weekly etc without your child. Either that or widen your circle of mum friends so maybe you're not meeting the same person several times a week but meeting different people several times a week.

Find a hobby instead.

I was a sahm for a long time. I used to go to baby groups or soft play almost every day. I met a lot of people and used to see some of them outside of groups. Weirdly, the baby years were probably the most sociable time of my life. But whether this is possible probably depends on where you live, how many groups are around, whether you're likely to meet like-minded people in the groups etc.

I'm surprised so many people think this is unreasonable. Right from maternity I've been meeting up with at least 1 of my NCT friends weekly and often twice depending on who is available. Maybe Covid isolation helped us bond when all we could do was walk together?! I'd keep going and trying to meet new mums until you find your tribe OP.

I think it's entirely doable and easy to do during maternity leave. I did that too. But none of the people I know with kids the same age as DD became SAHM after mat leave – we all work and work different patterns of days and times, so meeting one person a couple of times a week every week doesn't really work out now like it did when everyone was off. If you know people who are SAHM though it is probably a lot easier to arrange.

Unrealistic I think. I have a friend who would happily meet me every evening if they could - I find it waaaay to intense especially when I have DC, work etc to deal with. I know many others would feel the same.

But don't let it stop you - I'm sure you'll find an equally intense friend if you keep looking.

@Notwithittoday I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I miss having local friends!

[quote Pinktruffle]@Notwithittoday I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I miss having local friends![/quote]
Rubbish isn’t it? I didn’t even manage to get to baby group this week because of work stuff. I don’t know how to address it really.

I don't think its unrealistic, you just need to find your people!

I have a group of mum friends and we meet most weeks, sometimes more than once a week. My husband works then so isnt free anyway. We also do the odd morning on the weekend too.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, particularly if you're not working. Just need to keep looking for others who want the same!

Once a week for friends if that.

When my eldest was a baby I worked 2 days a week. I did a group or errands every morning, back for nap and had arrangements with friends every afternoon. Did that for about 3 years.

No unreasonable and it can definitely be achieved if you both arent working full time. Myself and my friend who met in antenatal class would meet several times a week if our work schedule didnt clash. Guaranteed if we are both off at the same time we will see each other at some point during the day. During maternity leave we saw each other 3-4 days a week sometimes more 🙈 our kids behave like siblings 😂