Breast feeding questions

[Bella134]

Our third baby has just been born (now 5 days old) and my husband just keeps saying how he feels useless when the baby is up crying all night and I'm constantly breast feeding. Yesterday I expressed 3 ounces and left him with the baby and went to bed at 10. He then fed him the bottle about 11.30, ( baby drank about 2 ounces of it) and then put baby to bed next to me and the next time he woke was 2.30.
It was really nice to get a good 4 hours sleep but I'm really worried if I keep doing that for one feed that the baby will start to prefer a bottle? Would one feed a day effect the breastfeeding any other time? Should I contact the local feeding clinic or just do what I did yesterday going forward and then just breast feed for every other feed?
My husband keeps saying how much better he slept last night and wants to know if I'm going to do it again today. I just feel on the defence a bit because yes he slept better but I did cluster feed 4pm-8pm yesterday and that usually happens later in the evening so that could also of helped the sleep pattern.. I don't know. I'm just feeling sensitive and I failed miserably at feeding with my oldest two so I really want it to work this time 😭

There is a risk it will effect breastfeeding - especially a middle of the night as that's when your breasts produce more milk, so you would be safer not to do it- at least for a few weeks.
Sounds like your baby might have slept that long stretch anyway after his cluster feeding session like you say.
What is it that your instinct tells you?

Can you suggest other ways your husband can feel less 'useless'? e.g. nappy changes, cooking and bringing you food, water etc, looking after your other children are helpful things he could be doing. Maybe taking the baby during the day so you can have a rest/nap then too.

I wouldn’t introduce a bottle over night before 6 weeks. The first 6 weeks is about establishing your supply and prolactin (the hormone needed for breast milk production) is produced in larger quantities at night.

It sounds like DH needs a list of other things he can do to help. Can he buy you a couple contigo cups and make up a couple of tea or your preferred hot drink, bottle of water and snacks for you every night. That sort of thing may help him feel better.

Agree with what the others have said about your husband finding other ways to help. My husband has expressed the same feelings about me breastfeeding in regards to him feeling 'useless'. I understand why they feel this way but I do find this reasoning very frustrating. Feeding is just one element of looking after a baby. Don't let that be a reason for you changing how you feed your baby. If you want to introduce a bottle in a few weeks, go ahead! Just make sure you're doing it for you.

I think that sounds fine OP. You’re basically moving one feed forward by a couple of hours (from a supply point of view). You’re still feeding in the night when hormones are high. If it’s working for you it sounds like a plan. You don’t have to do it every night either if you’re worried. But, before your DH gets carried away, consider the following points.
Is the stress of worrying it could possibly affect supply worth the extra sleep? (This is not a trick question, and your answer might vary depending on how well you slept the night before).
Did your H wash + sterilize the pump parts?
Did you wake up when the baby started crying and leak milk everywhere where DH gave baby a bottle - this last possibility is the reason why wi didn’t really do expressed bottles to get more sleep in the first few months. For me the outcome was that I’d need to pump while my baby had his bottle because of the massive letdown response that happened when I heard his crying.

It wasn't long after that that I gave my baby formula top ups (on paediatrician advice as they weren't growing well). I was so worried they would prefer bottles/refuse breast/supply would reduce. The worry really took the joy out of those early months for me. I wish someone had said to me that it's unlikely to be as all or nothing as that. I think the most important thing for establishing breastfeeding is to be relaxed and responsive. I'd be surprised if one small bottle of expressed milk in the late evening fatally disrupted feeding. I'd just be careful not to let it incrementally grow until you're skipping multiple feeds or having nights off feeding. For what it's worth, once my baby got better at feeding I reduced the formula til she had only 30-60ml in 24 hours and the rest was breast milk. If I hadn't been so worried I could have dropped it completely I'm sure. Around the time of starting weaning baby rejected bottles completely.

I did exactly that OP, with those exact timings. Not quite at 5 days old, but certainly by 2 weeks he was having once bottle of expressed milk so I could get a stretch of sleep. No issues with supply and I fed DS for 16 months. My midwife advised that hormones are highest in the early hours, so she said it’s best for DH to do either the late night bottle (as you did) or the early morning, but not skip the 2am feed. Obviously if you’re not comfortable with it then you shouldn’t do it just for your husbands benefit , but that stretch of sleep was the only thing that kept me sane! I’ve also seen a few friends who tried to introduce a bottle from 6 weeks and they would never take them which I didn’t want.

Thankyou this makes me feel better knowing someone has been able to do this and still carry on feeding! Really appreciate your comment xx

If this is about your husband feeling less useless, that isn’t a reason to make a feeding choice. But if what he’s proposing is something that also works for you then I would continue to explore it. I did that with my third baby because I had issues with my epilepsy before he arrived. So getting a solid chunk of sleep during the night was really essential to my recovery. So our third baby had one formula bottle every night from my husband from two weeks old I think. I spoke to a breastfeeding counsellor about it because he also had tongue tie and she said that while it’s not something they recommend, where there are circumstances that require it and you’re committed to breastfeeding overall it does tend to work out okay. But of course they can’t guarantee it and they recommend not to do it because sometimes it does lead to breastfeeding problems, either for physical reasons or because practically people find it a bit easier and perhaps that sways them towards formula. But to answer your question in a shorter way, I did what you’ve described from early on with my third child and it was successful. He didn’t show any preference for the bottle and I breastfed him for over a year. And when his number of night feeds decreased we ditched the bottle one with no problem. Obviously every baby is different though… And don’t tie yourself in knots about it and worry about ‘failing’. Happy, healthy babies are a success however they are fed. Having a third baby is tough so good luck finding your way as a family of five.

I don’t even think 11:30 counts as a true night feed, you are still feeding in the night so this isn’t going to dramatically impact your supply so don’t let that idea scare you.
I wouldn’t get too hung up on the 6 week thing either, I know plenty of people who left it and the baby then wouldn’t take the bottle.
If you don’t want to use any bottles, it didn’t make much of a difference getting that amount of sleep etc then just don’t. Don’t include the bottle feed to please your husband feeling useful, equally don’t make yourself feel bad that you are ‘failing’ at bfing because baby has 1 bottle because that isn’t remotely true!

I did it from 7 days old as baby was in hospital - expressed milk which we could only give him every three hours. We've kept it up at home, just one bottle of expressed milk a night in the evening as it's the only way to get him to take his vitamin D drops. Haven't had any issues with supply or feeding. I was told the nipple confusion theory was debunked a decade or so ago, but I don't know. For me it's been fine though, and also for a few in my antenatal group, who're doing the same as you with just a bottle of expressed milk a night

We started with one bottle of expressed milk on a night just one in a week at 2 weeks. The following week he had 2 bottles. The following week 3 bottles. And we kept it at 3 bottles a week as DH then returned to work and I felt that was a balance we could both live with and felt fairly fair. It didn't impact breastfeeding at all and once baby turned 6 weeks we introduced formula as I couldn't be bothered to pump anymore really. I'm still breastfeeding and he's 5 months now.

My prem baby was in neonatal for two weeks so was fed via breast & bottle from only a few days old - if your baby happily takes both that's amazing! Once we brought baby home we continued doing one bottle of EBM late evening (anytime between 10pm and 1am really) fed by his dad, so I could get a small stretch of sleep

• and this really works for us. If you're managing to BF successfully throughout the rest of the night with no impact on your supply then go for it! I was advised that the middle of the night feed (e.g. 3am) was most important for maintaining milk supply.

We did pretty much exactly that for months! DD had formula for that feed. Didn't affect breastfeeding at other times, I still fed her at night but more like 3am onwards. Having a decent chunk of sleep for both DH and I (obviously at different times) really helped. We later swapped so DH would take her early morning after I fed her and I would sleep more then so she might have a morning bottle. Eventually dropped any formula feeds by 7-8 months when we became a bit more naturally scheduled by adding in meal times. Breastfed until 21 months

I expressed 1 feed a night from baby being a couple of weeks old. We stopped when he was about 4 months as by then we'd established a brilliant feeding pattern and we still breast fed right up to 8 months. When we decided to stop he took to the bottle brilliantly and I'm sure it's because he'd had bottles before.

@Duracellbunnywannabe

I wouldn’t introduce a bottle over night before 6 weeks. The first 6 weeks is about establishing your supply and prolactin (the hormone needed for breast milk production) is produced in larger quantities at night.

It sounds like DH needs a list of other things he can do to help. Can he buy you a couple contigo cups and make up a couple of tea or your preferred hot drink, bottle of water and snacks for you every night. That sort of thing may help him feel better.

Her husband doesn't want a cup of tea he wants to sleep !

The tea was for OP and really at this point is should be about what the OP wants to do about feeding not what her DH wants.

We did it from birth, and a late night feed before bed got us a chunk of sleep and saved my sanity. I found it especially great when in cluster feeding hell, and baby just needed a good volume of milk to feel full and sleep, but due to feeding constantly for hours my boobs weren't full. As time went on didn't need to bother with the bottle anymore but did mean if I needed to go out and leave the baby for a few hours, DC would take a bottle happily. Never affected breastfeeding and made all of us happier and relaxed.