Feeling burned out. How to replenish

[PurpleHollyhocks]

Just that, I really feel like I have nothing left in the tank. Anyone asking anything of me is just sending me over the edge. I’m exhausted demotivated……..
How did you get your mojo back. On HRT and don’t want to go down the antidepressant route

Fuck knows. I have a 10 year old and a 12 year old, a full time job and a house that's being renovated. Half the time I go to bed when the 12 year old does. I'm fucking broken lately. Not tired, just stressed and tense and overwhelmed.

That's not help at all. Just wanted to say you're not alone.

@TheUsualShitshow That actually is a help !
I also don’t know why I feel like this but I am sure that others in the house are not pulling their weight which doesn’t help. Even asking about the location of a charger sends me into a spin.

Me too...ironically what helps is getting up earlier than the DC and having a quiet half hour to myself for a first cup of coffee and my book...other than that going to bed when DC do as @TheUsualShitshow says. I've also treated myself to some nice face and body creams so I can at least feel like I've been pampered even though I haven't!

And yes @PurpleHollyhocks, it infuriates me to get inane questions from people who are old enough to know better but are just being lazy...so I am perfecting a disinterested "dunno where did you last see it" and leaving them to it...

Oh I like a pamper too, on a Saturday I have an extra long shower, then slather myself in various creams head to toe, and lie on my bed reading while it dries.

It is very effective at getting people to leave you alone.

To be fair to DH he probably does more than me at home so it's not like I'm the house skivvy or anything. It's just the mental overwhelm of work and kids and family. I've basically given up on friendships and hobbies.

By the time the kids go to bed it's half 9, what am I suppose to do with my precious 60-minute slot before I'm tired too

I think I need some ‘rituals’. Beyond watching TV I am simply too frazzled to do anything much at all. I used to have cups of tea and read in the garden. I can’t even do that now

Have a good rest, hide from people and switch off your mobile phone.

This site has some helpful info healthworkerburnout.com

@PurpleHollyhocks

I think I need some ‘rituals’. Beyond watching TV I am simply too frazzled to do anything much at all. I used to have cups of tea and read in the garden. I can’t even do that now

Watching Tv is not a good plan. You really need to switch off and let your brain reset.

Hiding from people and using the time to recharge.

Do have any preferred activities, classes you can go to?

Do stuff that has no emotional or cognitive demands.

@JamieNorthlife The mobile definitely doesn’t help, I think it makes me more frazzled.

@JamieNorthlife I play tennis but I don’t ‘love’ it. To be honest a good walk is my preferred activity but what’s getting me down is the constant demands in my own home and my inability to just have some down time. I think mobiles and tv have become too big a part of my day so I’ve lost the ability to just sit and read or sit and think

I get it.

Definitely don't do activities you don't enjoy.

I had burnout in 2018 and it helped me to go dance classes. I did not know anyone there so I did not have to make any effort.

How about a hotel break? Can you go away for a day or two?

definitely try and find yourself a book to get lost in, I find that works better than any tv show (even the ones I enjoy) and definitely better than the phone...

I find myself looking forward to my book as a highlight of the day, whether that's first thing or last, or a stolen half hour in the middle somewhere.

And definitely getting out into the garden, can you not do that atm, just the weather or something else?

I have definitely left myself till last since the DC were born, and before then...and as is said often on here, you can't pour from an empty cup, so I am learning to put myself first occasionally, even just for moments at a time; my DC are similar age to yours and they are learning that they just have to wait sometimes, plus they need to help more (which doesn't always go down well but the pleasure of having them put their own pots in the sink as a matter of course makes the training worth it!)

Thing is though, if we all hide from people once the kids are in bed, well that's not much of a marriage is it? I mean, really all we have is an hour where we watch one programme together before I'm ready for bed.

@TheUsualShitshow That’s true but I find I have nothing of myself left come the evening . I would actually love a week in a resort on my own !

Could you make that happen @PurpleHollyhocks, or even just a couple of days? I managed a night away a couple of months ago and even 24 hours’ time to myself felt restorative.

@northerncrumpet I’m thinking of extending a work trip by a day so will get a night in a hotel alone anyway

God, a week alone!

You know, I so wish I'd lived alone before getting married, and holidayed alone. I really enjoy my own company and I miss alone time.

I'm not sure being away even helps me. It's not the physical part of parenting that bothers me, it's the mental ALERT button that got switched on when my eldest was born, and which can never be switched off.

Can relate to a lot that's been written on this thread.

I'm tired of carrying the mental load. I'm beginning to wonder if my husband has a memory issue as he is extremely absent minded (a bit concerning) - either that or he's just not listening to very much of what I say. Teen who thinks the house is a hotel and also younger dc to care for. I've got forms to fill out...just all sorts of admin.

Work is a bit of an outlet for me, I'm doing something I enjoy. I'm hugely peri-menopausal (can't take HRT) and it's hitting me hard. I'm finding I'm struggling to carry others along and also feeling a bit like I can't be bothered to do that anymore. I feel strangely happy but guilty also because I've been prioritising myself a bit more...it means other things like the housework has slid.

I seem to really enjoy my own company and again feel guilty because I'm probably not seeing friends enough (and I know how important having friends is). I would really love a restorative week alone with no other demands as I totally get what Theusualshitshow said about the mental alert button that never gets switched off.

being more selfish is definitely a good step - take that extra night away.

have you had any bloodwork done at the GP? to check thyroid, iron, vit D, vit B12 etc - that can be a good place to start to get a baseline.

I also went to a nutritional therapist / Chinese medicine counsellor - she made up a herbal supplement for me to take which I've been taking for months now and I think it's helping.

also, for me, talking therapy has helped - I was totally diminished, exhausted, resentful, teary, lost etc.

it still took at couple of months before I could face any exercise, but that's now happening too.

it's been a slow and steady improvements.

What ages are your DC? Do you have a DP?

Family meeting - this is NOT working for me any more and it's causing stress for everyone. Who is going to commit to certain things to ensure that I'm not too knackered to help you all long-term? Someone needs to do the dishes / sort pets out / sort out post, bills, family calendar / visit grandma / pick up bits from the shop - on on ongoing basis

PLUS

Immediate time away / rest / downtime

PLUS

Longer-term preventative stuff - so a hobby you enjoy, exercise classes, new sport, walks alone - whatever. Try to get away from screens when you can

PLUS

Sleep whenever you can, especially at the beginning. Sleep is vastly underrated - it's the one thing that touches all areas of life and makes everything that bit better / more manageable.