School problems

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Hi, I’m just after some advice. My daughter is close friends with 2 other girls in her class at school and it’s got to the point where jealousy has taken over a bit, if two of them are playing together the other gets upset (classic 3 is a crowd) Now the girls parents are telling me my girl is being mean to them both and saying hurtful things, my daughter is telling me the same about them and she’s also been upset. I’m trying to encourage her to make more friends and go play with them which she will do she is a confident child. It’s really getting me down and I’m feeling like a really bad mum it’s like my child is always the bad one and theirs are perfect and never do anything wrong, to top it off I am friends with one of the mums. My husband says to let the kids sort it out for themselves they have to learn to deal with these things for themselves i’m not sure just looking for a bit of advice really. My daughter is 8 if that helps.
Thanks for reading

This is really common OP - my DD went through the same thing around that age. Have you had a chat to the teacher? She will be used to dealing with friendship issues like this.

Hi thanks for replying, it seems it’s only happening at break and lunch times. We’ve just had her parents evening and the teacher never mentioned any tension in class and she’s where she should be in her school work. It’s just so hard to deal with and try to explain ☹️

Do you know the girls?
If you do you should be able to tell they dynamic of who is mean to who, not that it matters much in the long run but it might help your anxiety around it if you know your dd isn't the one being mean.

I would also speak to the teacher and ask they view on it, they will be the one that sees the girls most and can comment on what the interactions look like.
But you should be prepared to be told your dd is/has been mean, if teacher thinks you won't be open to hearing it they may well hide the truth and you'll never know.

I see this a bit in dds class, 2 girls don't get on but they both tell their parents it's the other one, having seen both girls being mean to each other (and others) I know that they are both as bad as each other. But both parents think their child can do no wrong and are very vocal with the school about it, and want the other child punished, the teachers are too scared to tell them the truth.

You should def keep encouraging your dd to make new friends, could do some play dates with other girls to help that.

If I know my child is in the wrong I will speak to her and tell her it’s not acceptable she is quite strong willed, I will tell her when she’s in the wrong. I just don’t buy that it’s all on my daughter and she’s the problem, it just makes thing awkward on the school run ☹️

I agree if she is involved that it won't be all on her.
I would agree with your husband about leaving them to sort it out between them, but only after you know exactly what's happening, and if dd is involved, then if the other parents approach you about it you have the facts to reply with, either yes we know what dd has been doing and we've spoken to her hopefully this is the end, or yes we've spoke to school who have told us it's a 3 way street and all the girls are involved.