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Original poster

Bringing home second baby

17 replies

SamanthaVimes · 15/03/2022 13:43

Wondering if people have any thoughts on how best to introduce DD to her new sibling?

I’m pregnant, due in July and DD will have just turned 2 when I’m due to give birth.

PILs live nearby and will look after DD whilst I’m in labour, if she’s asleep they’ll come to ours but I expect they’ll spend any day time periods at their house (they look after DD regularly so she’s used to their house)

With DD I was able to come home the same day she was born so hoping I’ll be able to do that again.

Any opinions on whether it’s best for DD to already be at our house when we bring new baby home or if she should be at PILs and come home a bit after us?

I’m interested in any experiences or thoughts people have as I want to make it as easy for DD as possible. We have already bought her a baby doll that we’re playing with and some books about new babies but I don’t think she really understands so not sure how much it will help!

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WarrickDavisAsPlates · 15/03/2022 13:47

I had a home birth so didn't have to worry about who arrived at the house first.

But I would suggest you being home, put your stuff away and settle the baby in a moses basket or something before DD arrives home.

We made sure I wasn't holding the baby when DS met him so that I could give DS a little fuss.

Don't put too much pressure on DD to acknowledge her new sibling. Ds wouldn't even look at the baby for the first day, but after a couple of days really came round and now they're inseparable. Remember it's a big change for your DD and she may just want reassurance and love from you and DH.

Bornsloppy · 15/03/2022 13:50

DC1 was at home with PIL and we came home with the new baby, he had 10 minutes with us and then went off to bed. I don't think it makes a big difference either way but it's easy to overthink it as "a moment". The key thing is what present the new baby buys her big sister!

BigPurpleEgg · 15/03/2022 13:50

Agree with not holding the baby when she gets there. I constantly referred to dd3 as 'your baby' or 'your sister' as well. She adored her from the start and is very protective of her now and so so kind to her (they're 1 and 3)

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WarrickDavisAsPlates · 15/03/2022 13:54

I'd also suggest the Usbourne "the new baby" book if you don't have that one. I found that really helped DS understand what would be happening.

Also do you know what you'll call the new baby or could DD come up with a nickname for them? That way you can talk about the baby by name and that might help her understand when the baby is here.

Could you take DD to choose a Rattle or soft toy to give the baby when they're born (and make sure to talk about how much they love the toy and how kind she was to choose it for them) also get her to help pack the hospital bag and choose a special outfit for the baby that the baby can wear for their first meeting. Our baby was dressed in anything with lions on for the first few weeks as DS loves lions so he liked seeing his little brother dressed like that and he liked choosing which outfit to put him in everyday.

RogersVideo · 15/03/2022 13:55

My DD was 21 months when we brought DS home. I didn't put much thought into their meeting tbh, DH and I brought him into her room and I sat on the bed hold him while DH sat next to DD. DS was wearing a cardigan with big buttons and she loved him and his buttons straight away DD has always liked him, they're 4 and 6 now and best buds.

Original poster

SamanthaVimes · 15/03/2022 14:24

Ah I hadn’t thought of the baby getting her a gift or her picking a rattle or something for baby, that’s a great idea.

We do have a name for the baby so could start talking to DD about him by name nearer the time.

It hadn’t occurred to me she might not acknowledge the baby so that’s useful to know as a possibility.

OP posts:

Iknowacrackingowlsanctuary · 15/03/2022 14:42

My parents looked after DS1 while I was in the hospital. They then brought him back once I was home with DS2. I made sure the baby was in the moses basket when he came in so I could make a fuss of him. DS2 also bought him a little present.

He didn't take much notice of him until he started crying, which really freaked him out at first! He then continued to ignore him until he was more interesting

21 months between them and they are best friends now (most of the time!)

LostMySocks · 15/03/2022 15:31

I have exactly 2 years between my two. Obviously this was before Covid but DS1 came to meet DS2 in hospital. He chose a present for the baby and some babygrows on the way to the hospital as a present when he met the baby. We also had a present for him at the hospital from his baby brother. He came back with DH to take us home and proudly 'carried' the baby car seat into the house to introduce him the rest of the family who had arrived by then.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 15/03/2022 15:50

A new doll
You can change your babies together! Let her help at bathtime and bring you stuff!!
One of my ds's was 20 months when dd came along. Bathtime downstairs and ds pulled the plug out. Trying to remain composed whilst my rug was flooded was no easy task! Still close now at 16 and 18.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 15:54

Definitely do not be carrying the new baby when you first see your daughter after the birth. When you first get home let someone else tend to the baby whist you have some one on one time with her.

T0rt0ise · 16/03/2022 06:16

21 months between mine. Parents were at our house with my son, we brought my daughter in, showed him to my son who poked her and then walked off to do other stuff!

ThatsNotItAtAll · 16/03/2022 06:32

DD should come and fetch you with DH - you should all come home together.

Covid may mean she can't come to the ward but she can pick you up from the hospital.

You all come home together.

We did that very deliberately with both dc2 and 3, and the older siblings got a small present "from the baby" at the time.

We never had any jealousy at the newborn stage - the only jealous phase was a short one with dc1 when dc2 became a toddler - so a more direct rival rather than her being a toddler and him being a baby (i.e. in her mind an entirely separate category as different from her as a puppy). Dc2 and 3 are 3.5 years apart and they were never in the same phase so he kept puppy status until he was about 6 🤣

ThatsNotItAtAll · 16/03/2022 06:34

dc1 and 2 are 23 months apart. ^

cliffdiver · 16/03/2022 06:34

DD1 (2.4) stayed with my parents when DD2 was born, DH collected her so DD1 would meet DD2 for the first time on her own, and there wouldn't be lots of cooing over DD2, which could make DD1 feel left out.

When she met DD2 for the first time, DD2 was in her Moses basket on top of a (wrapped) trampoline - her gift for DD1.

When DD1 held DD2 for the first time, I cuddled DD1.

All through the pregnancy, we referred to DD2 as 'our baby' (I think a midwife advised this).

Feather12 · 16/03/2022 06:35

My sister was with me, my firstborn couldn’t care less about me or the new baby because she was there. And she was (is) the most amazing person ever.

RedRobin100 · 16/03/2022 06:39

Following as I’m due with no2 end of April. DS will nearly 2.
I fully expect him to have zero interest in the baby and to be cagey about seeing me holding another baby etc., so definitely intend to try to keep giving him as much 1 to 1 time as possible, but I expect it to be hard..!

Some good tips I’ve had are,

as above, not to be holding baby when DS first meets it
encourage to “help” as much as they want to with looking after it - DS loves being given wee jobs to do, help clean/ change it, bring a nappy, give it a toy, carry its blanket etc

- and don’t “blame” the baby for everything. Like, try to avoid saying things like, I can’t play now the baby is eating, quieten down the baby is sleeping, can’t carry you I’m carrying the baby etc - find a different way of explaining why to them - so they don’t quickly see this new baby as a “problem thing” in their life to resent

NatalieH2220 · 16/03/2022 06:42

I have a bigger age gap with my two but even then he wasn't overly interested. He had a look to start with, then went back to his own thing! I got home late at night so we were all there the next morning when he woke up and then he came in to our room to see the baby. We got him a present from the baby which he really liked.

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