Finding my 17 month old very challenging

[Chasingyourtail]

Whenever I express how difficult I'm finding my toddler, I am often met with ,'well obviously, that's just normal'. Of course to some extent that's true but as a fairly level headed person, I wonder how if my child's behaviour is just normal, how anybody could possibly ever have more children. I love my DS but honestly this is the hardest work I've ever done in my life. I'd like to give a run through of my day and ask you if this just seems as expected.

6.30am Up after a pretty good nights sleep with maybe one brief wake up at around 4.

6.45am cup of milk and his favourite telly

7am Getting dressed (during this time DS kicks and screams all throughout until he is finally dressed)

7.30am breakfast (screams as he hates his highchair but is fine when being fed his porridge - refuses however to self feed)

8.30am give daddy a lift to work (happy except when being strapped in the car)

9.15am Usually an activity like soft play, toddler group. Fairly happy.

11.30 home to lunch. One of the hardest parts of the day. Throwing sandwiches, refusing food unless it's crisps or biscuits. After patience and perseverance I manage to get a quarter of a sandwich down him and maybe some fruit.

12.30-3.00 nap - bliss.

3.00 snack and then out for a walk, DS hates being strapped in pram.

4.00 home to play which DS likes for a little while but will scream if I dissaude him touching the bin, oven, washing machine or remotes.

5.30 collect daddy from work (happy unless we have to wait in carpark for longer than 2 minutes)

6.00 home for tea, turns head side to side screaming. Doesn't want to be in highchair. Won't eat. We try again in a few minutes, sometimes this works although he is still crying.

6.45 bath, this is fine but the changing comes with hitting and screaming.

7.15 bed - happy and pretty easy to get to sleep.

To give background, I have 2 days a week one on one with DS and DP has 1. On a Sunday we're all home.

So what do you think? Am I just not cut out for this stage? Is it all normal? Will things get better?

Sounds normal to me to be honest, and I find it pretty wearing too. You've got a good sleeper from the sounds of it which helps. It is def normal at this age to complain about high chairs, car seats and being changed. Try giving him a snack instead of a forced lunch in the high chair, and also mine would want a nap after about 5 hours awake at that age so try putting him down earlier. Time to move from changing on a mat to getting him dressed standing up on the floor too - move from nappies to pull ups, and make it fun and games about getting dressed rather than a battle.

DD started to hate the highchair around that age so we moved onto a booster seat (still strapped in around the waist) on a normal chair - she liked being more 'grown up' which helped with meals. And at the same time, we started doing more 'picnic' lunches I.e sat on the floor or sofa and the more relaxed nature helped there. It's a tough age - just on the verge of a bit more verbal communication so I found DD was just frustrated that I didn't understand. Also agree with PP, get rid of the change mat and do changes stood up - far less stressful for all (DD usually played with her bookcase or other toys whilst I whipped pull ups down and got her in/out of clothes)

Sounds exactly like my 15.5 month old! Literally every word lol. X

This sounds like my 18 month old. He goes through stages of being very challenging. He also hates being strapped into things so I often let him walk or put him on a scooter. He hates getting dressed so I put in his fav TV to distract him while we do it. It's hard but they'll grow out of it.

Sounds like DD, shes 2 and half and dear god I’m convinced she’s possessed by satan himself. I’m reading “how to talk so kids will listen”. If that doesn’t work I am going to try an exorcism. 😑

Looks fairly standard.
My only suggestion would be to add a snack between breakfast and lunch, and lunch and tea - to avoid being hangry, eg a few lumps of cheese, beaker of milk.

I know it's annoying to hear and doesn't sound very supportive but it is a phase - think of it as your DS practising to be a Terrible Two!

Booster seat

Change the chair at meal times but mostly you’ve written “happy”, which is great. He’s pushing boundaries so he knows where he sits in the world. Sounds like my 18m old to be honest. Sorry it’s tough for you, it will get better.

I have 3 older kids op and 18 months was the hardest time so far honestly ....I am always baffled when ppl say on here "oh the first year is tough " but so much easier at 18 months ...and I didn't have sleepers so your winning on that front! The baby stage was a walk in the park in comparison even being up all night at least you can chill during the day or they stay in one place at least!

With all my sons it got easier and I went out constantly tbh. They were great eaters so I luckily didn't have those battles and rarely I'll but frequently woke and with 3 that was years. It definitely gets easier but it took 4 years before I saw a huge change. I did a lot of time in the beaches and parks etc . On the plus at 37 I'm now the fittest I've ever been and all the boys do v well at sports and in school so great personalities but all v driven which I think was the stubborness and hyperness when small and sleepiness! Good luck op

Oh I meant to say all mine hates highchairs buggies, anything that restrained them. Got 5 seconds out of a play pen once! But I got a brill chair to push into the main table and they loved it

Also some ppl don't get it , I always got told it was normal and my family are v v hands off and never helped or babysat but even with me and my 3dcs or even one DC they would look absolutely exhausted after a half hour.... That was then basically looking at them while I was there. So you are doing well op and it will get easier and easier !

Sounds like my 18 month old...

The plus is you've got a good sleeper. Mine stopped going down for naps at about 15 months and so naps are always just 30 mins in the car now.

It is challenging. I find that going out keeps me sane.

Sounds very normal OP! It's a very trying age but also very cute.

Yes to a booster seat around this age or high chair with no tray that pushes right up to the table. I wouldn't battle too much during lunch, if he eats it fine, if not, he gets a snack in a couple of hours anyway.

And yes to getting dressed/changed standing up (except for poos...) if you don't already.

For the afternoon walk, if DS is a confident walker, maybe go out with him on reins and not in the pushchair? By that age we didn't really use the buggy unless we wanted DC to sleep. Happier DC and more exercise for them.

That sounds not only normal, but if I'm honest, on the easy side of normal.

Many at that age wake up numerous times in the night, take a much shorter nap, and are a nightmare to get to bed.

Toddlers are hard, really hard. Sorry.

We had a very similar phase, just a bit earlier. Was about 11-15 ish months for us. Lots of anger and resistance and everything was a battle. I think most kids go through a patch of severe resistance and boundary testing at some point in their first 2 - 2.5 years, the ‘when’ and ‘how long’ just varies.

DS turned into a different child at 15-16 months, having been a really, really challenging baby before that. Sits nicely in his car seat/high chair/pram. Eats anything he is given. 90% of nappy/clothes changes are done without fuss. Good as gold out and about. Good as gold at nursery. Is prone to being a bit whiny and whingy if things aren’t too his liking, but it’s not the screaming rage fits we used to have. It basically got better with the development of language - when he could understand everything we were saying and began to be able to ask for what he wanted (albeit basically) it was like a switch flicked.

Try and find that difficult balance of holding firm boundaries whilst remaining completely calm and unfazed. It’s so SO hard but I just about survived by reminding myself it was nothing personal - being a young toddler is really difficult and they must be so frustrated. Their day happens to them, I’d lose my sh*t if that happened to me too!

Bribery helps. I used to hand DD a box of raisins as I put her in the car seat. She'd be concentrating on scoffing them as I strapped her in.
Getting dressed - can you make it into a game?
I had toys and stickers that I brought out only when DD was in her highchair and it brought me a brief amount of time while food was brought to her majesty. As soon as she was finished she wanted out! As soon as she was physically able, we switched to a Stokke chair and ditched the high chair.

I think the biggest problem here is trying to ‘force’ him into things- strapping him in, feeding him etc. this sounds actually like he is quite an easy going little boy, I haven’t been able to spoon feed mine since she was about 10 months old! Same for strapping her in the pram- no way she would tolerate it and she would scream murder for the entire duration.

Echo what PP said and just try and let him be a bit more, walking with reins instead of pram, booster instead of high chair etc

I can’t believe he naps that long! Amazing!

Not sure how much 'grazing ' he does but I wouldn't allow 'walking around eating' snacks as this is obviously a preferable way of eating than sitting and eating. (I work in a preschool and a huge number of children when they start at 2 expect to be able to take bits of snack and walk off and play, then come back for more!). Also make sure he only has something mid morning like fruit and something mid afternoon as opposed to constant stream of snacks whenever he wants. I think he can handle routine so eating routines should help if they are not in place already.