End of my tether!

[Nat90]

I am sitting here in tears.

My 2 year old has become so fussy with food, she was so good when we started weaning but as soon as she turned 2 she decided to do a huge U turn and she now point blank refuses any homemade food/new food except for :

• homemade soup
• bread (toast/sandwiches- has sandwiches but will only have hummus, cream cheese or peanut butter - refuses any other fillings
• cereal
• crumpets/croissants/jam/honey
• yoghurt
• raisins
• snacks and more snacks

And that is it.

I have tried things like pasta, pizza, fish fingers, chicken and leek pie, lasagne, casseroles but she point blank refuses to try and hands me the plate back. She refuses fruit and veg (unless blended in soups)

She hasn’t eaten anything since lunchtime (11.30) and I’ve not given her any snacks today. This evening I’ve made from scratch, some carrot/sweet potato bites and some tuna pasta with a homemade cheese sauce but she didn’t even want to try it and decided to throw the whole plate on the floor. I then tried some simple tomato spaghetti but she kept screaming at me and threw the spoon on the floor. I then lost my rag and she’s now in a timeout in her room screaming her head off.

I must add she’s not quite talking yet but understands everything.

Everything ended up in the bin, time and money spent on meals goes out the window and I feel such a failure as a mum.

Please any advice would be appreciated!

Do not fight with her over food - you will not win and screaming matches at mealtimes are not good
Give her what she will eat and offer other foods too. Make no comment.

I totally sympathise.
30 years ago, my toddler loved milk, and only ate fish fingers and bowls of cereal.
I'm envious of your list of accepted foods!
He is now a well proportioned six footer and when he comes home my grocery bill trebles.
I'm not minimising your concerns - I was beside myself at the time.
I love to cook, and he rejected everything.

I have a recently turned 2 DD. She is very fussy these days, having eaten everything before and it's totally inconsistent with her whims.

I did take her to the dentist a few weeks back and they said her back molars are erupting and that it may mean that she could be grumpy and off certain foods. So could it be that for your DD?

Generally my DD likes certain cakes and brioche and asks for these. She loves fruit Juice, but I have to limit as it affects her tummy and of course very sugary for the teeth. I guess sweet cakes are soft easy to eat. Not ideal.

Sometimes DD will eat cheddar cheese, shredded up ham or cooked chicken, skips, Pom bears ( or Tesco versions too) and breadsticks, pizza and rice with veg. Pasta with sprinkled cheese or Mac cheese with peas. Broccoli and carrots are usually ok. She likes chips, but not thick ones !( My DS hated chips until age 4,so they all have their things.) Occasionally she'll eat a yoghurt or an icecream, but as she has so much cake I don't really offer more sweet stuff. If she's had cheese I won't offer yoghurt.

DD not eat any porridge, cereal or weetabix or bread or toast ever. She won't drink milk. She is tall and strong and seems to be ok, so you just have to ride it out and offer stuff and not take it personally. I know how you feel because you work hard on providing good stuff for them to eat nothing all day.

Ds is nearly 3 and has been difficult with food since 2. Before that he ate everything now it’s ‘no like’ or ‘it’s yuck’ or ‘ it stinks’. He is Dc4 and I don’t remember the others fussy eating at this age being so prolonged. I just keep putting it in front of him and mutter to myself as I scrape it into the bin.

Don’t do time out it’s just punishing her over food and it will be damaging. Just offer simple plain foods and put it down in front of her and don’t even mention it - talk about it something else completely so it doesn’t turn into a battle. Don’t even say well done if she tastes any of it.

If she doesn’t eat it wait a couple of hours and give her something off the safe list of foods you mentioned. There has been so many times my son has had weetabix or porridge before bed after refusing a meal id made. It was actually age 2- 2& half that was the worst for fussiness. He’s about to turn 3 and is doing abit better again now & eating things that he refused for months. I’m sure it’ll change again at some point.

Another thing is has she got her back molars through yet? Because that can make them so fussy with food because of the pain. Smoothies are good if they won’t eat fruit or veg / multi vitamins too. I got myself really stressed over it for a while but really you don’t need too they all do this it’s normal.

Don't argue or threaten no pudding, it creates an unhealthy relationship with food. I put three things on ds plate, 2 he likes and 1 he doesn't. No pressure to eat it just there. I also got creative and would blend veg into gravy/sauces. Make fruit smoothies and give a multi vitamin. He's 6 now and so much better.

@GrazingSheep

Do not fight with her over food - you will not win and screaming matches at mealtimes are not good Give her what she will eat and offer other foods too. Make no comment.

Absolutely. Don't have have associating eating with stress and fighting.

It's so normal.

Take the pressure off. Have you heard of division of responsibility in feeding?

You are responsible for providing nutritious varied options at regular intervals, and modelling calm and healthy eating behaviour.

She is responsible for whether she eats and how much she eats and which parts of the food she eats.

Don't praise for eating and don't use food as a reward or bribe (if you eat three peas you can have pudding). Don't distract (screens etc) don't play games (here comes the aeroplane/I'm going to eat your food first) or cajole (please just have one bite). Definitely don't punish or says anything negative to her for lack of eating. Keep discipline only to issues of table manners and not eating behaviour.

As long as she doesn't have a restricted diet due to allergies or sensory issues (from your description, she doesn't, even though the list of foods she will easily accept is short, that is very normal for toddlers) she is not going to come to any harm by taking the pressure off with food. Trust her. Give her frequent opportunities to eat, mealtimes roughly every 4 hours, snack in between roughly every 2. Use ordinary foods for snacks (fruit, cut up raw veg, cheese, cooked sausage, crackers, toast, etc) rather than processed commercial "snacks". If she is hungry in between times, remind her that it's snack/mealtime soon and she can wait. Don't reuse meals or serve multiple meals. When she is hungry, she'll eat something. It's helpful to present new foods alongside a "safe" food that you know she will be comfortable eating.

Even though it's hard, it is so important to calm your own anxiety about how much she eats and let her take control. It will lead to much less fighting in the long run.

I'll also add that timing of dinner can be huge with toddlers. I couldn't feed DS1 any later than 4pm, maybe 4:30, or we'd end up in a frustrating cycle of too tired to eat properly and then too wired and hungry to sleep. It can also help to have the main meal at lunchtime so that their dinner is more finger foods and picky bits that they will at least eat some of, especially if you are feeling demoralised about spending loads of time preparing food. I found my toddlers never appreciated things like that anyway, they like stuff like plain pasta with the sauce on the side. Tonight we had chicken in white sauce with rice, DS2 ate a big plate of plain white rice and eventually asked for three small pieces of chicken and I think he had about 5 peas deposited in the middle of the rice :o

To be fair I don’t think OP gave the time out for not eating food, I presume it was for throwing food and screaming at her mum.
Throwing food and crockery/ cutlery isn’t acceptable behaviour.

OP ignore the not eating and keep offering new foods. One mid morning snack and one mid afternoon is what the NHS advise for under 5s.
Don’t let your toddler use the not eating as attention seeking or a way to push your buttons. It’s very hard though I know!
Give two meals a day that you know she will eat and one meal a day that is out of her comfort zone.

@MissyB1
The op’s child is 2
I’m not sure she will understand why she was put in her bedroom screaming and hysterical

[quote GrazingSheep]@MissyB1
The op’s child is 2
I’m not sure she will understand why she was put in her bedroom screaming and hysterical[/quote]
I work with 2 year olds, people constantly underestimate what they can understand.

Mine went through a phase of cheese and crackers and didn't starve and still put on weight. It is worrying but it is typical if some children.