Reception age friendships worry.

[Emwil39]

Hello, I have a 5 year old boy who mostly loves going to school but I worry that he doesn’t have particularly close friendships yet. He plays with people and his teacher doesn’t seem concerned but I know he hasn’t been invited to a few parties (of children that were high on his party list to invite) and I feel hurt for him. Has anyone else found similar? Or found it gets better as they get older? Thank you! Im finding the whole starting school thing (and the relationships, mum politics) a lot more stressful than I ever thought it would be!

Hi there. At reception age there tends to be whole class parties, is that not the same for your school? It would be odd to only do selective ones at this age... kids friends do change regularly but I would ask teacher if they has regular friends they plays with etc. not sure how parties could be restrictive at this age as they hardly know each other so the ones tiny know about may have been family parties or people they know very well is all I can think of....

Thank you for responding! I thought the same, I thought there would be lots of whole class parties, but no one has done one yet!

He has been to two others which have just had a small group of children, but these have been mainly I think because I know the mothers, rather than them being really good friends.

DD was in Reception last year and her friendships kept changing. After Easter she settled into more long lasting friendships.

That's a shame about the parties, but I think it's likely to be either that friendships keep changing or that parents are inviting those they know. Hopefully in time he will develop closer friendships.

My daughter didn't really find her tribe til year 2 and up until then she drifted from one group to another.

Same here, op. We haven't had any whole class parties either and as my son is a July born, I can't throw one yet. He was invited to one but it fell on the only weekend we were away, and I was so disappointed.

I don't know if there have been others he hasn't been invited to, in fairness. I totally get the feeling of wanting them to be liked and fit in.

Don't worry, in reception children are fickle. So long as he's happy

There haven't been many whole class parties for my reception aged child, either - one in her class so far! There have been a few I've been aware of with just a small number of existing friends. Class parties are expensive!

Thank you. This has made me feel better. Do you all do lots of play dates? My son hasn’t been invited on any and although I know I should probably make an effort for his sake, I have a 4 month old and 3 year old too and just can’t quite face doing them at the moment!

My ds had hardly any party invites and not many play dates at all in infant school.
He made a really good friend in juniors and now at 14 has a bigger circle of friends ~ the key thing is that although I was well aware and worried about it, he wasn't in the slightest bit concerned so unless your child is bothered try not to fret about it.

Playdates playdates! At that age it is so important for you to network with the mothers and invite children round for after school tea and make sure they have a brilliant time (you play hide and seek with them, set up craft activities they love, make yummy food with ice cream for pudding etc). He won’t create close friendships for himself at that age, it’s all about who YOU know and the relationships you create.

It’s a pain in the ass, especially if you don’t even like the other mums, but once you’ve made your kid popular and ‘cool’ you can relax. It only takes a coiple of months. If you don’t bother it’s easy for your child to get forgotten about by the class.

@Thewindwhispers

Do people really do this?

My son is in reception, there’s been 3 class parties, but parents have joined together so each party was a joint one for 3-4 kids.

My son is also happy at school but doesn’t have a set group of friends, in class he plays with anyone or who he’s grouped with, and break he gravitates towards kids he went to pre school with.

We have a play date maybe once every 3 weeks- I find them stressful as work a stressful job and also have younger kids, and I find my kids behaved terribly when you want them to behave well in front of strangers 🤣 it’s like they know!

Yes… are there lots of people doing this? Because if they are…. I’m clearly not making enough effort at all!

I messaged a mum at the beginning of the week to arrange a play date (who previously had said she would like to when talking in person), but she hasn’t responded at all, although I’ve seen she read it straight away. I don’t feel that confident inviting people from school round so I’ve found her lack of response hard. I really had to be brave and make myself do it, so am reluctant to ask anyone else now.

He won’t create close friendships for himself at that age, it’s all about who YOU know and the relationships you create

To me that would suggest that children that age don't need the kind friendships some parents are pushing. I find the whole playdate obsession cloying, pushy and competitive. What's wrong with a more organic approach - allowing children to play with a variety of children and figure out what and who they like?

In fairness, my daughter does have a best friend that she does quite a lot of things with outside school - perhaps my view would be different if she didn't. They were friends from nursery who just loved each other and the friendship was driven by them, not their parents.

@Thewindwhispers

Playdates playdates! At that age it is so important for you to network with the mothers and invite children round for after school tea and make sure they have a brilliant time (you play hide and seek with them, set up craft activities they love, make yummy food with ice cream for pudding etc). He won’t create close friendships for himself at that age, it’s all about who YOU know and the relationships you create.

It’s a pain in the ass, especially if you don’t even like the other mums, but once you’ve made your kid popular and ‘cool’ you can relax. It only takes a coiple of months. If you don’t bother it’s easy for your child to get forgotten about by the class.

I’m sure this does help. But personally is my idea of hell. My child seems to be doing absolutely fine at making friends despite this. I also think it’s a lot less common in London where not everyone has room to have extra people over.

@Emwil39

Yes… are there lots of people doing this? Because if they are…. I’m clearly not making enough effort at all!

I’m not 😁

Playdates playdates! At that age it is so important for you to network with the mothers and invite children round for after school tea and make sure they have a brilliant time (you play hide and seek with them, set up craft activities they love, make yummy food with ice cream for pudding etc).

Bollocks to this. Most of us work and the rest have plenty to be doing without networking for 5 year olds. Be friendly at dropoff, go to the park occasionally on a Friday, and he will form natural unforced friendships in the fullness of time.

Sorry to hear that other mum didn't respond. That's disheartening but may not mean anything. She may have just forgotten to reply.

I have hosted 2 playdates and 2 parties since DD started school (now year 1). She has been to 2 playdates. She seems to have plenty of friends. Here lots of parents are working so kids in childcare and often in clubs on the days parents aren't working, so playdates are more an occasional holiday thing (thankfully!).

My DS is year one, but during reception there was covid in part so lack of parties.

So in year one there has been mostly class parties in halls with bouncy castles or a princess / superhero entertainer leading games. A few smaller group parties, which is hard when they don't invite your child, but mostly that has been down to cost and doing an activity like ice skating or rock climbing type party.

The girls seem to have more developed friendships and the boys seem to change daily. They seem to play football at lunchtime ( which I believe wasn't allowed in the reception area)

I did have a couple play date over in reception, towards the end of the school year. One was a nightmare, the boy hit my DS multiple times, the other has never invited us back and has invited other boys so I guess her DS isn't that keen on mine or she isn't keen on me I think some of it is my shoes ( I have a muddy route to school and so I don't step out of my car in white trainers or work heels! People judge )

This year I haven't done play dates as I'm working from home too and have a younger DC who is now at the I want to join in stage. My DS seems tired after school so I haven't pushed it. I do worry about lack of close friends, but it's very much controlled by the mums. One looked really shocked when I suggested meeting up, so I didn't chase it up. It could be her son hasn't mentioned mine as a friend or she just though we are too different. My DS is quite shy and quiet, but also quite stubborn so won't be bossed about. So I think he doesn't fit the mould. He'll often say I was playing with x and he told me I had to be a bad guy, but I didn't want to so I stopped playing. I have suggested he could carry on the game by saying what he wanted to be.