So done with being a mum at the end of every day

[Ohtheaudacity]

When does that get better?

I have a 4yo and a 9mo. My partner works long hours but is very hands on when he comes in from work. By the time he’s home I feel like I have nothing in the tank, I’m completely out of energy. I have to go and sit in a quiet room by myself to summon up the energy to do bedtime. I love my kids so much and the eldest does do 2.5 days a week at preschool, but I’m just so drained. I clockwatch from 5pm onwards and if he’s going to be late from work I feel a bit miffed which is ridiculous!

Whoops pressed send too soon.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this. Is it normal? Like I say I adore my kids and my life revolves around them currently (on mat leave). I’m due back to work in June 3 days a week and I’m sort of looking forward to it just to not be a mum for a few hours, which makes me feel even more guilty.

Are you a SAHM? any light at the end of the tunnel with a return to work so you get a break?
The 4yo will be in full time education soon enough.

I find the chaotic evenings with 2 preschoolers and easier when I haven't had an awful day with them. So I make sure I've got a plan for everyday to keep the oldest busy in the afternoon!

Just seen your update, yes it's normal, no you aren't a bad mum I don't know how anyone stays at home with the little brutes long term full time and actually has good mental health.

I couldn’t be a SAHM, I did briefly consider it but realised I’d actually lose my marbles very quickly! Im currently lying on the spare bed and can hear my DH finishing up dinner time laughing with the kids. It sounds like a great time but I have zero desire to join in but then feel guilty for not being involved. It feels selfish to take time out like this (my DP jokingly calls it my “lunch break”) but I’m so zapped otherwise.

It’s normal. I get really drained around the period after dinnertime but before bedtime.

Do you have any hobbies or things just for you at the end of the day? Even at the end of the day if I feel exhausted I’ll sit down to do something I enjoy even if I don’t really feel like it and after a little while I start feeling much more recharged and am glad I did it.

@Mumoblue I have zero hobbies. Weirdly enough I tend to get a second wind once the kids are asleep 😆 I’m naturally a night owl so struggle to switch off until close to midnight, so I get plenty of me time after they’re asleep, but I don’t do anything significant with it. May I ask what your hobby is? I used to have a football season ticket but that’s just not practical right now. I’d like something to do in the evenings.

Don't feel bad for wanting some time to yourself.

I know how you feel. I'm sahm, we have 6 kids, a dog and dh works away from days to months at a time. Sometimes it is so overwhelming trying to cram everything in. I do enjoy evenings once they are all fast asleep, it's so peaceful but I probably stay up too late enjoying it.

@Ohtheaudacity

Ahah it might be a bit unusual for a mum but after my son is in bed I’m on my computer playing video games. Or drawing while watching telly. Art and video games have always been hobbies of mine.

@Chely you’re a hero! I do the same, stay up much later than I should just to get that me time. I’m sure there’s a term for it.

Do you get any time to yourself?
DH and I each make sure we get a slot of time to ourselves each weekend (can vary from a couple of hours to a longer time). Keeps me sane!

The 5-7 shift is awful. Everyone is overtired and hungry and everything is a drama. I find having my own radio station on (not a kiddy one) helps ground it all a little. Or we do show tunes and all dance about. I work after they've gone to bed so I do get quite stressed when they dawdle as it cuts in to my time and I end up working until midnight

@Ohtheaudacity

When does that get better?

I have a 4yo and a 9mo. My partner works long hours but is very hands on when he comes in from work. By the time he’s home I feel like I have nothing in the tank, I’m completely out of energy. I have to go and sit in a quiet room by myself to summon up the energy to do bedtime. I love my kids so much and the eldest does do 2.5 days a week at preschool, but I’m just so drained. I clockwatch from 5pm onwards and if he’s going to be late from work I feel a bit miffed which is ridiculous!

Totally get you. I feel exactly the same. My two are similar age and husband works long hours. Very hands on.

My eldest has started becoming more and more rude with challenging behaviour not seen before. Increasingly pushing my buttons and trying to talk back/treat me like crap basically. She does 15 hours at preschool and I can't wait for her to start reception in Sept so I can have more time to myself and proper time with the baby.

I feel bad and know she's acting up because I don't spend much quality time one on one with her anymore. It makes me sad, there aren't enough hours in the day it seems.

You're not alone. It sucks at this stage. Can't win. Questioning everything I do or don't do.

I think your feelings are completely normal. I strongly remember clock watching when DH was due home when I was on Mat Leave. He was confused that I was upset if he was late until he had DS1 by himself for a week while I worked…

I find the DC much easier now they’re 5 and 9…so hang in there, different people love different ages. It never meant I didn’t love them, they just drained me!

Totally normal. I’m currently ignoring my two and have left them watching CBeebies while I sit in the dark and count down until bedtime. It’s been a long week!

Being a mum is 50% off the time wishing for a break 50% off the time feeling guilty for taking a break

And it doesn't get better op! When DD is off school for holidays she drives me insane the second she goes back I miss her and count down to the weekend?

[quote Ohtheaudacity]@Chely you’re a hero! I do the same, stay up much later than I should just to get that me time. I’m sure there’s a term for it.[/quote]
It's called revenge procrastination, staying up later than you should so you feel like you have some control over your own time. I do it too!

Don’t feel guilty! Completely normal, it’s hard work. I can’t wait for DH to get home and I only have one DS. It’s just easier when there’s two adults around.
I’m finishing maternity leave soon and looking forward to going back to work - and least I can have a sit down and a coffee in peace while I’m reading my emails. And go to the toilet on my own.

Mine are nearly 4 and 5 months, I totally get you. My mental health is poor so sometimes I literally feel at the end of my tether and the 3 of us are all crying by the time DH gets home from work. Really he should be home by about 5.20 but it's rarely earlier than 6 as he always ends up staying later (healthcare). I find the last few hours of the day sooo hard. However I'm clinging on to the idea that as the weather improves, I will start spending a lot of the afternoon time in parks which will pass the time, mean DD won't be so challenging, DS will nap more in the pram (he hardly naps and cries loads from being overtired) and the fresh air and sun and exercise will also lift my mood. It's just I don't want to be stuck breastfeeding the baby in the cold at the moment so waiting for milder weather. We go to a playgroup every morning. I enjoy being out with them tbh we just all struggle if we are stuck at home.

It’s normal! Definitely. When they are a bit older it’s different. Mine are 7 and 9. Today we went to soft play for 2 hours then I’ve ignored them for the rest of the day. They’re tired out so we’ve all been doing our own thing. I was painting a room we’ve just had plastered. I know that doesn’t help you right now but honestly, it gets better.

Go back to work earlier if you can? Why wait if you're looking forward to it? I find the days I work a break and enjoy the feeling of looking forward to seeing my daughter rather than counting down the hours to bedtime! My job is full on, but frankly, maternity leave with the endless days doing the same thing day in day out was really not for me, despite me working hard on keeping busy!