Separation and Overnight Visits

[winetomorrow]

I've been separated from my ex husband for a few months now and we've started an overnight visit once a week about a month ago. It wasn't my choice, he's not happy about anything and demanded the overnight solely because he knew it would hurt me and he's trying to provoke me into saying no and being 'the bad guy'. I know he loves our daughter (4) and she loves him. But the overnights are so hard. Until now I've never spent a night away from her.

I don't want to stop them having their time together but hate how much I miss and worry about her. Does it get easier? Does anyone have tips to get through it?

It is hard. My exh was awful when we split. He had dd two overnights a week and I wasn't allowed to speak to her while she was there. Same when they went away for a week. It was awful but I knew it was important for her to have time with him. I tried to distract myself by catching up with friends and family. Eventually he met someone started a new family and got distracted so the overnights dropped to one night every couple week and then every month. Now she just sees him when it suits. (She's in teens now so works for both of them) it definitely does get easier and I did get use to it and just tried to enjoy the time I had to myself.

Think of it as a little break for you.
Every parent needs some downtime, that overnight is your downtime.
Your child is safe with their other parent whom they love.

He demanded the overnight because he knows it hurts you, but objectively whatever prompted him to demand it, it is probably still a good thing for your DD to have that dedicated time with her dad.

Does she come back from her dad's seeming pretty happy and talking about twhat they have done? Knowing she is having fun is a good way to feel better about it.

I'd definitely be using that time for some self-care! It is an odd feeling when your kids arent not at home when they are small, but as she gets older you and your DD will appreciate a little bit of time apart.

I've been doing 'luxurious' things like having a bath and cleaning the house she does have fun when she's there, but she also tells me he has fights with people (he's staying with family) and she doesn't like it and covers her ears. He's absolutely awful to me at the moment and doesn't care that she can hear (I've minimized all contact and always have someone with me during drop offs) which makes it hard to relax. Hoping that he'll calm down (the dream!!) eventually so that we can peacefully co-parent which would help. Thanks all, appreciate your advice/knowledge.