DD kicking me - how would you have handled this?

[dipdye]

Just curious as to how other parents would handle this.

DD (turned 5 in January) and I went to collect DS from school. We parked a short walk away, around 5 mins.

When we got the school, we were waiting outside for DS and DD told me to climb the climbing frame. I said no. She kicked me in the leg I told her don't do that, etc. Other parents were obviously watching. She then punched me in the stomach twice and tried to kick me again. I tried to stay calm and told her to stop, which she ignored.

DS (finally) arrived so we left. Except she wouldn't walk. So I picked her up and carted her back to the car, her screaming, people watching. I put her down halfway and told her to walk. Told her that she would no longer be getting a lollipop as an afternoon treat. Micro steps to the car. Once at the car I took the lolly off her and threw it in the bin. Cue more screaming etc. When we got home she had twenty mins in her room. I then explained that we do not kick, punch and tell me to climb climbing frames.

How would you have handled this?

Same way you did probably.

Urgh I have no advice for you because my 4.5 year old is in a similar phase and I have no fucking idea what I’m doing apart from failing her miserably.

Soooo I’m following with interest. Solidarity

Same as you did.

I think you did fine! I would have handled similarly. The only difference I would have made would be here:

I tried to stay calm and told her to stop, which she ignored

I would have been very stern mummy at that point. It would have been "You. Do. NOT. Hit. Me! DO. You. Understand".
I am pretty lucky my DS doesn't hit out at me at all, but if he's acting up and I've asked him nicely, then told him slightly more bluntly and I'm still ignored we get to louder sterner mummy!

OK good, at least I'm not completely bloody useless then!

I think I do need to be sterner. I was just so embarrassed by her (even though I know all the other parents have been there too!)

Thanks for all the replies

Literally EVERY other parent will have had a very similar experience. Don't feel at all embarrassed. I assure you that anyone looking at you was likely just thinking "oh, thank god it's not my kid kicking off right now!" rather than judging you at all.

It's a nightmare when your kid acts out in such a public situation where you can't leave. My DS is the same age though he wouldn't hit me but if he was pushing boundaries like that I would have removed him from the climbing frame, dragged him home, no treats, then time out at home. After that we would have a conversation where I would explain that as a consequence of his bad choice he wouldn't get to go to his club that night or remove his alexa that he listens to audiobooks on. There would be absolutely no negation about this. If he apologised then I would move on from it and just go about our normal evening but if not then he would continue to be away from us having fun downstairs until he was ready to apologise.

I would have got down to her level, looked her directly in the eyes and said "its wrong to kick people. Kicking isnt nice. Say sorry for kicking mummy please"

If she had said sorry...... I would have said thankyou, small hug/kiss and then immediately change the subject so something else.
If she had said no.......... I would have said "Ive asked you to say sorry and you've refused so when we get to the car/home you will be in time out"

Saying "no lollipop because you kicked and punched me" is completely insufficient I think.

Not at all fun when other parents are watching but its much more likely to happen again if not dealt with properly, cue more embarrasing situations!

Sounds like you handled it fine tbh. With that age group sanctions need to be immediate and hurting someone else needs a significant sanction. As a teacher we’re quite good at exaggerating how shocked we are at that sort of behaviour (literally saying “I am shocked that you have tried to hurt me”) which can make them feel a bit chastened as well! Going forward I’d be thinking about what caused the behaviour - tiredness etc - to see if there’s anything that could be done to avoid her getting in that state in the first place.