Nanny advice please... do's and don'ts

[ParentsandParents]

My partner and I have found a lovely nanny for our baby and looking for some advice on how to make the most of her and make sure she, us and the baby all have a great experience.

Things like ... ask her to take him to local playgroups, work on his language, cook him this, do this with him, don't do this with him, anything we should do / not do, anything we should discuss up front...

She seems like a real gem but its our first baby and first nanny (and having a nanny is going to financially stretch us so want to make sure our boy really gets the benefit) so looking for tips from more seasoned parents...

He'll be a year old when she starts with us and we'll be WFH on some of the days she has him.

Thanks in advance

Following with interest as I’m in the same situation

We had a lovely Nanny for our second child from 9 months until he way 2, she also picked up our daughter from school and had her in holidays. She worked for us for 2 days per week and he did nursery 1 day a week. As with any relationship we found communication beforehand about expectations from both sides is the most successful. We prepared a folder with local group, swimming, attractions etc, foods he liked, toys he enjoyed etc. We also left a float with cash for days out and discussed beforehand any particular trips that we either wanted or she wanted to do with them both. of the three days we had a group prepaid that she took him to. The job spec was very clear as to food prep, washing and who was responsible. In reality if your Nanny is experienced they will no doubt have loads of excellent ideas of activities and plans - we would spend 10 mins in the morning and get home before she finished so that we could chat and build rapport. We didn't w.f.h. at all so I would imagine you want to think about some guidelines around this. We also felt that she was a special relationship as she was in our home with our children, We are still in touch now some 7 years later. I think if you treat her well as you would want to be treated and expect the same you won't go far wrong.

My main advice would be: it's your first baby but it won't be her first baby! And if you start off by being all "please take him to playgroups and encourage him to speak and make him healthy food" you might rub her up the wrong way. A good nanny should do that stuff anyway- it's literally her job.

If I were you I'd give it a few weeks and see how they go without two much managing from you; if then you feel there are some areas where you'd like things changing up then you could mention them but maybe try to do it in a non-critical "oh I heard about a new group at X and it's meant to be great- I reckon Y would love it" sort of way.

Basically, speaking as someone who's had the same nanny for 4 years and is planning on keeping her FOREVER (well, at least the next 2!), I would say that a very hands-off approach is good. That way she gets to do her thing, she knows that she is respected by you and crucially if you DO decide to flag something, she'll know that it's important to you and should listen up.

Obviously other people may advise you completely differently but I've found this to be important for maintaining harmony, which is so important when it comes to someone who sort of becomes part of the family.

Oh, the one thing I would advise to mention now is whether or not you'd like her to do DC's washing!

Re the cooking, we make sure we buy in enough stuff, mostly healthy (!), every week, and flag to her what she might need to cook that day. But also I always keep some easy things in the freezer in case she, like I often am, is feeling a bit knackered after a day with the kids :-)

I was a nanny for a while and really hated when parents were wfh if there weren’t clear boundaries with the children ie if a parent keeps popping in to see the child it can become really hard for the child to leave the parent when the parent needs to work. It’s important that you’re open and honest about what is going to happen.

Discuss the money and what spending is acceptable.

Can the nanny have other friends with babies over or do they need to meet up elsewhere?

How will food for the nanny work?

I agree that hands off is best. If she’s a good experienced nanny, she’ll know what she’s doing and should be able to get on with things day to day. She might appreciate some local advice if she doesn’t know what’s on in your area and maybe some connections to make friends with local nannies looking after similar age children. But she won’t want or need you to teach her how to suck eggs.

Communication is important both ways. Discussing options for activities, days out, ensuring she knows your routines, what food the children like and ensuring that it’s in the fridge etc.

And also when things aren’t perfect knowing when you should take a deep breath and let it go. For example, if your otherwise fantastic nanny didn’t make sure they got enough veg today because DC were fussy, let it go. If she never offers fruit and veg, mention it kindly.

The childcare board is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childcare Parents who employ a nanny and nannies themselves tend to hang out on that part of Mumsnet.

Try not to micro manage, suggest places to go and let your nanny find what works well for them and your son. If you already regularly attend any groups, then have your nanny continue to attend those.

Discuss activity budget and transportation costs. Having a fixed weekly kitty can be useful, so once the money is gone there is no more. You can then adjust the kitty if there are things that need more money.

If your nanny is transporting your son in their car, then suitable car seat is needed and pay for mileage at 45p per mile, which is the maximum current amount before it becomes a taxable benefit. Given fuel cost at the moment, 45p per mile may not cover transport expenses (fuel, wear and tear, insurance, cleaning) but at least it will help towards the cost.

Make sure you have the finances sorted out... payslip and payment to the nanny needs to be with them by the end of the month. If you are using any schemes like Tax Free Childcare, be aware of how long things can take to process.

Write out his current routine as a guide and any things he does when he is tired, hungry etc, so she can learn his ques.

WFH - try to keep out of the way, don't keep popping out of the office to see how they are doing. Be available though, via text message for example, should nanny need to ask you something, or need help. You son needs to have time to get used to someone caring for him, he may accept it very easily, or he may protest.

If you are home at lunchtime and you plan to eat with the nanny and your son, then schedule that with your nanny. It can be a good opportunity for a general catch up chat and can help your son see that you are still there, will still see him, give a cuddle, but not be at his beck and call - nanny is there for his immediate needs. That may help to avoid getting to the stage where he comes and bangs on the office door whenever he wants anything!

Great advice thank you everyone. Good tip about sticking to a schedule when working from home. We are planning to come down and eat lunch with him most days, but definitely need to avoid popping down for a little cuddle at other times as can see how this would quickly lead to him thinking we are at his beck and call.

She isn't super super experienced, about seven years and some of it as an au pair but she is lovely, very warm and clever and instinctive. So we feel good about having her, but also that we might at times leave it to her and at times discuss things like food, classes, dealing with fussiness and agree on approaches together.

Roughly how much would you say is right for a weekly kitty @nannynick @caulkheaded? We live in London, he'll be having mostly homemade food / snacks that we'll buy in (but she can add things to our shopping list) and some activities will be pre-booked. So expenses might be bus travel, the occasional top up shop or bought snack and trips to soft play / outings etc.

Re expenses, it really depends what you/she wants to do with him.

We had a fairly regular schedule of activities at that age (eg Monday = toddler group at church; Tuesday = rhyme time at the library; Wednesday = soft play etc). Once you’ve worked out the activities, you’ll have an idea of cost and how much you need to give her. Bigger trips (eg to the zoo) she’d tell us in advance and we’d give her extra.

For food with our first nanny I gave her cash to do a weekly food shop for her and the baby as it was easy to shop with one baby in a pram and then she could decide what she wanted to cook/eat. Later on, we moved to online shopping and our nanny would just add things to the list.

Travel we gave our first nanny an Oyster card that we topped up when needed. Our second was insured on our car as it was harder to get the bus with three.

I don't live in London, I have no idea how much bus travel costs, so no help really. £30 per week maybe? Cost out one activity with travel costs, then multiply by days per week worked -1 (as you may not want them out on an paid activity every day, one day/some days could be very low cost such as going to a park, walking under the Thames - if in Greenwich!). Start with that and see how it goes. Can always start low and increase, harder to start high and decrease.