Help - 3.5 yr old and 5 mo

[SecondhandTable]

I thought it would get easier...and in some ways it has I suppose, but in others it's gotten more difficult. I have both of them alone 3 days a week. We usually spend one PM at my old family home where my DM will help, by making lunch and generally entertaining my eldest, who will be 4 in the summer. We usually go out to a playgroup every morning but the afternoons drag and I'm struggling to cope. Today is particularly awful, went over the road to playgroup to find that it wasn't on. Ended up stuck outside for ages in the cold (long story), eventually came home. A friend was meant to come by for a bit this PM with her DD who gets on well with mine, no sign of her only to find out she can't come and apparently forgot to tell me. DS does not nap for more than 30 mins at a time and only naps in the pram or on me, wakes as soon as you move him anywhere. He has now clocked on to separation anxiety too if you leave a room or try to put him down he starts crying. He cries a lot anyway due to lack of napping. DD has had 5 tantrums so far today, one of which included wetting herself. She's had at least 2 hrs of screen time already today too. I just feel rubbish, why can everyone else do it except for me?

Sending solidarity your way. I have 2 children a very similar age to yours and have many days like what you describe. It is really tricky at times and I have been worrying about how much screen time my 4 year old has on a regular basis! I spoke to a friend yesterday who also has 2 the same age about how she was finding it and she said she was finding it totally crazy! I’ve sometimes felt the same as you that it’s just me who finds it hard to manage - everyone else looks like they have it together! However, I honestly think that’s not the case. Probably, if you could be a fly on the wall in other homes I am sure you’d find most people are the same! We don’t tend to see people in the moments they are struggling. The bad weather days are the worst. I find being out and about with my two a lot easier than being cooped up indoors. I don’t have many solutions for you I’m afraid but just know that you’re not alone and you really are doing a good job, I am sure of it.

I had a similar age gap, mine are 5 years on now. I would really consider playgroup or nursery for the 3.5 year old, you should have at least 15 hours now? It's also getting warmer, so time park trips around buggy naps if possible (e.g. to fall asleep on way to/ home). I never managed to get any baby to sleep anywhere other than on me/ in car or buggy, but we all survived and I can't remember it which means it must have been ok.

I think at that age, baby used to fall asleep in buggy on walk back from playgroup and I could get home and have a cup of tea in peace! I think I put baby in back carry in a sling round the house so I could get dinner on etc and he just sat in lap when I was playing games with oldest.

I think we did playgroup/nursery AM, and I think I started things like preschool gym classes one afternoon a week to also break it up.

I do remember it could be boring, but the warmer weather will really help as you'll just start exploring and playing out more. Pretty soon oldest will be messing outside which is less onerous on you. You are doing a great job, I'm sure.

I feel for you- we have a similar age gap and I recall 3.5 being the absolute peak of threenager-dom. Could you not send eldest to preschool to get her free hours? That absolutely saved me and my sanity tbh.

Oh and our DD had a wee regression in the months after her sibling arrived too. It's quite common I think. Ditto the 5 tantrums!!

Thank you for the sympathy and it does help to hear it's not just us!! DD is in nursery two full days a week with her 30hrs so I only have the two of them alone the remaining 3 days. We do usually go to a playgroup every morning so it's mostly just the afternoons that are horrendous! Yes, I cannot wait for nicer weather. I don't drive so that limits us but we live within easy walking distance of absolutely loads of parks. I used to take DD to them year round really before we had DS but with the baby I just can't face carrying him around/breastfeeding him outdoors in the cold too. So that will definitely make my life easier as I'm thinking I can basically do playgroup mornings and park afternoons to fill the days! DD is like me and hates being at home too tbh, she's much better out than at home. Tomorrow is a new day, playgroup in the morning and DH is usually home by around 4 pm or earlier on Fridays too as opposed to 6ish the other days.

I have 2 DS similar ages to yours and, yes, I find the afternoons worse.

My DS2 went through a stage of 30 minute naps too😑. But I read up about sleep cycles and that babies sometimes struggle to link theeir sleep cycles together. Hence short naps and, sometimes, poor night time sleep.

For naps, I have DS sleep on me and when he stirs at around 30mins of napping, I gently pat and rock him back to sleep. I'll even close my eyes too if I see him look up at me. No eye contact, just patting and rocking. He drifts back to sleep for another 30mins to 1hr. It's great! DS watches TV or plays quitely in his play area.

Humuna - yes I often have success doing that in the afternoons at home on the days it's just me and him, but my DD is just incapable of being quiet and it has never once worked when she's around :(