Moving away with kids

[Lrj19]

Myself and my ex husband have been seperated for 9 months now, he got into a new relationship with 2 months of the break up (i broke up with him). Anyway i have since met someone and been together 4 months, we have discussed living together in the future and id like to move in with him when the time comes. However my new partner lives 2 hours away from where i currently live. My ex asked me about my future living arrangements knowing my partner doesn't live around here, and i told him of our future plans. Well he has kicked off, and obviously doesn't want me to move away which is understandable.
My ex is a police officer and does shirt work so there is no real pattern for when he has the boys (2.5 year old twins) so his argument is when he sees them as he works alot of weekends. I feel like i cant live my life around his job (his job being one of the reasons i left him). He said if i move it will destroy him. But what about my life and what i want i feel like he doesn't care about my happiness. Id love to hear others point of view and if you think im being unreasonable.
Fyi id me happy to share the driving and take the boys to see him, as ill be going home to visit family etc.

I’m assuming he was a policeman and working shift work when you chose to have children with him?

He can get a specific issues order to prevent you moving, so I suggest you tread very carefully.

happy to share the driving and take the boys to see him,

In and around his shift work? I doubt you will keep that up for long. I believe it's the case that the parent doing the moving away has to do all the driving/ cost of travelling anyway as it was your choice to move so "sharing" doesn't come into it?

To be honest I can understand why he's annoyed. How did you meet this new partner if he is 2 hours away? It would be years before I'd even consider moving another man into a home to share with my children

Can your partner move to your area? It all does seem a bit quick though

2hrs is a long way. I can see why he isn't happy. Big upheaval for the children too.

But what about my life and what i want i feel like he doesn't care about my happiness

You left him because of his job - no wonder he "doesn't care about your happiness" if that happiness depends on taking his little children away from him.

Sorry but when you have two little boys you don't get to move them away from their other parent. You're supposed to be putting their needs first, not your own at this stage in their lives. I assume that your ex will get an order to stop you from taking them away, and that's exactly what any normal person would do.

@twinsetandpearl

happy to share the driving and take the boys to see him,

In and around his shift work? I doubt you will keep that up for long. I believe it's the case that the parent doing the moving away has to do all the driving/ cost of travelling anyway as it was your choice to move so "sharing" doesn't come into it?

To be honest I can understand why he's annoyed. How did you meet this new partner if he is 2 hours away? It would be years before I'd even consider moving another man into a home to share with my children

I never said this was going to happen soon, its a future plan and felt it was the right thing to do telling my ex. Im happy to any travelling involved, as like i said im be going to see friends and family, its an easy drive so i dont find it an issue.

@AnotherDelphinium

I’m assuming he was a policeman and working shift work when you chose to have children with him?

He can get a specific issues order to prevent you moving, so I suggest you tread very carefully.

No he wasnt working as a police officer when we decided to have children. When we had the boys he was, but not doing shift work like he does now.

Yes im well aware he can put a court order in place if he wanted to. Op

@BobMortimersTrout

Can your partner move to your area? It all does seem a bit quick though

Like i said its a future plan, won't happen this year.

@ShippingNews

But what about my life and what i want i feel like he doesn't care about my happiness

You left him because of his job - no wonder he "doesn't care about your happiness" if that happiness depends on taking his little children away from him.

Sorry but when you have two little boys you don't get to move them away from their other parent. You're supposed to be putting their needs first, not your own at this stage in their lives. I assume that your ex will get an order to stop you from taking them away, and that's exactly what any normal person would do.

One of the reason's i left him, there was obviously more to it than his job. I do put their needs first and id never prevent their dad from seeing them, he doesn't have a consistent time when he sees the boys, he can go 2 weeks without seeing them

Hopefully as he progresses he’ll get onto more regular shifts? I appreciate how difficult it is trying to plan your life around it someone else’s shifts!

Two hours is a lot of travelling time for children; is there anything you can do to mitigate that?

Also be mindful that once they start school and if ExH doesn't have many weekends off he will want to see them in the week. A 2 hr journey to see them for a few hours will be tough on everyone involved.

Depending on when your children's birthdays are, you might find that you have to move sooner rather than later because of the application deadline and possible need to fight for this move in court.

Your ex isn't unreasonable to be angry. 2 hours is pretty far and tiring. It'll mean you doing 8 hours driving for each trip- 4 hour round trip to drop off and 4 hour round trip to collect.

Once they are school aged, they won't be able to do the trip on a school day and I'd hazard a guess that half term holiday leave will be hard to guarantee as many parents will want it.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't move away and I know that dads do this all the time without a backwards glance but if you can both move to somewhere that's say only 1 hour away then your children will be benefit massively.