I cannot cope with my children's behaviour.

[Inkdrinker]

I'm at a loss really. I have three children age 9, 5 and 4. My 4 year old is autistic and needs extra help with most things, however, the behaviour of all 3 kids is so hard to deal with.

My 9 year old who is turning 10 next week is so full of attitude, she constantly back chats me, purposely makes me feel crap when things don't go her way. She does stupid things like break my make up, draw on the walls etc but always lies to cover it up even when I have hard evidence.

My 5 year old whines about everything. I would actually say she is the hardest to deal with. She's really spoilt, whenever she doesn't get her own way she screams and screams which affects both of my other kids as they're very sensitive to noise, so I end up with 3 kids crying. She won't do the simplest of things without kicking up a fuss, but I don't know what to do.

My 4 year old is actually the easiest to deal with except for when he is having a full blown melt down but he's also incredibly spoilt because I find it hard to know whether he understands what I mean by no and the consequences so I usually give in.

I'm really not enjoying being a parent right now. My mental health is in the gutter, I'm exhausted and I've had enough. I don't know what to do.

Is there another parent who can tag-team with you?

And is it possible that the two girls are also neurodivergent but undiagnosed? Drawing on the walls and lying about it at 9 sounds more like difficulty with impulse control than ordinary difficult behaviour, as does a 5yo who can't hear no.

@RocketAndAFuckingMelon

Is there another parent who can tag-team with you?

And is it possible that the two girls are also neurodivergent but undiagnosed? Drawing on the walls and lying about it at 9 sounds more like difficulty with impulse control than ordinary difficult behaviour, as does a 5yo who can't hear no.

It's very possible but I have zero idea how to even get them checked. It was really hard to get my son diagnosed and it was extremely obvious.

I'm autistic myself and I recognise a lot of those qualities in both girls but I personally do not know what to do.

My partner helps, in fact I would say he does more than me but it's so exhausting. We are both lost on what to do with them 😔

Have the school ever mentioned any concerns about your daughters, OP- that would be the place to start if you wanted to get them assessed wouldn't it, the school Senco?

Not that I'm saying they are ND at all- obviously I have no idea!- but if it's something you suspect then getting them diagnosed and accessing that extra support might make your life a little bit easier? Maybe? (I do know it's not as simple as that though...)

Hope things improve for you soon anyway.

ND in your 9yold isn’t something that immediately springs to mind, although obviously none of us know enough about your DC to say. But rather it sounds like she’s angry and attention seeking. She could just be finding life with her siblings difficult at the moment.

Have you been on any parenting courses? As well as giving you strategies and helping you to feel better equipped it’s also a good place to have a bit of a moan and not feel so alone in this. I don’t know what’s available in your area but it couldn’t hurt to look into it.

It does sound really difficult having three children with such different and sometimes conflicting needs. It might be worth looking up Yvonne Newbold's work on VCB (violent and challenging behaviour) because although your older two are not violent that behaviour is still challenging. I believe there's a facebook support group if you have facebook.