17 month old not staying asleep at night!

[coffeeohcoffee]

Hi,

We are at our wits end with our DS’s nighttime sleep. It feels like we’ve tried everything, cut down to 1 nap, gone back to 2 naps, brought bed time earlier, pushed it back later, he’s got a well established bedtime routine in which he falls asleep straight away every night but never ever stays asleep!

He can wake up anything between 2-10 times every night and wakes up between 5-5.30am every day regardless of the time he falls asleep too. This has been ongoing now for at least 8 weeks…

Please help!

What happens when he wakes up? What does he want and does he go back to sleep easily?

Give us his morning wake time, his nap time(s), his bedtime and how he goes to sleep and we’ll try and help out.

Mostly we just lay him back down and pat and shh for a few mins and he falls asleep again, this happens at least 4 times a night. Sometimes he wants to be awake properly for a few hours

Morning wake up 5-5.30am
Nap 10.30/11am until 12/12.30pm
Bedtime routine starts 6pm
Asleep 6.30pm

Two months ago this was exactly where we were with our little one. He was 17months too! I did the night wakes and my husband got up for the day with him at 5am!! Regardless of how long he had napped or when he went to bed (but often it was 6.30..) he was up for the day at 5!

I'm really sorry to say that nothing helped much - other than time...

Two months on and DS sleeps through and has pushed back wake time to approx 6am.

I really really do empathise though. It is horrible!

For a start, your bedtime is too early. Average overnight sleep for a 17 month old is 10-11h which is exactly what your DS is doing. 12h is just not achievable for most toddlers until they stop napping completely. I aim for 10.5h of night sleep and anything on top is a bonus. DS is asleep by 8pm to wake earliest 6:30, often more like 7 or 7:15. Good news is you have the clock change coming up which will work in your favour to move everything by at least an hour forwards.

Does he fall asleep independently?

He needs to fall asleep independently. And 6.30 to 5 plus a nap is a lot of sleep. Put him to bed at 7.30 and cut his nap.

Agree with PP, bed later, nap later. It'll be crappy for a week or two but then you should get a later start fingers crossed.

@SushiForBreakfast sorry to hear you went through this too! Glad to hear your DS’ sleep improved

@AliceW89 he can’t make it through to a later bedtime without having 2 naps though, he’s already overtired by the time 6.30 comes around as he’s up so much during the night! If he has 2 naps he won’t go to sleep until at least 9.30-10pm and still wakes up at 5-5.30am

One of us sits in the bedroom with him while he falls asleep as he just screams if we leave him on his own

OK, night wakings may (sadly) be perfectly normal, and therefore nothing much you can do about them except for possibly work out an arrangement which is less disturbing for you to deal with them. Both of my older kids woke in the night at this age but they were also in bed with me so it didn't matter. Waking up for a few hours in the middle of the night is a bit more of an issue and is apparently a sign their sleep pressure (adenosine) is a bit low which means that they are getting too much sleep overall (for them) - did you find that this bit at least reduced/stopped when you changed nap/bedtimes?

Do you go in straight away each time he wakes up? I would try and give him a few minutes to settle himself when he wakes. If he was becoming distressed I would go in more quickly , if it was an intermittent whinge then I would give it longer.
Does he have a special teddy to snuggle with? That can help.

I think his routine looks fine, it is the same as my little ones except yours is shifted an hour earlier.

I hear you!!! We have a nighttime waker but she is two. We decided now when she wakes she comes in with us. It’s worked really well in that we are only up once in the night now (to fetch her from her own cotbed when she wakes). It’s the only way we all get a chunk of sleep and can function. I think at the toddler age it’s about survival when you have a bad sleeper, you do what you need to do! It will pass eventually (I hope!)

@BertieBotts sorry to hear you went through similar, he doesn’t wake up very often wanting to be awake for a few hours, this probably happens once a week whereas the other wake ups happen many times every night. It feels like he just wants to know that we are still here as he settles fairly quickly again but this happens so frequently we all have such broken sleep! Changing bedtimes/nap times made no difference at all to the wake ups

@3WildOnes that’s a good point, yes we go in almost immediately. We will let him settle himself for a few mins before we go in and he has a comforter but isn’t really bothered too much by it

Sleep training might not be what you're after, but he screams if you leave him because that's what he's used to. And when he wakes in the night, he screams again because you were there and then you're no longer there. If he learns to fall asleep on his own he will go back to sleep on his own every time he wakes in the night (they all do, the difference is whether you need to get up to help or not!).