7 year old will barely talk to me

[Notknowing]

My 7 year old will barely talk to me. When I ask them about their day they say nothing. They never start conversation, and barely say anything at the dinner or breakfast table. I feel bad but the other day I told them it was rude not to talk to people when they were trying to have a conversation with people. Same when family friends try and talk to them - they just look off.

Any advice? I'm finding it really upsetting and frustrating.

They are not shy or anxious.

We are a really nurturing family, but I also feel it is good manners to make conversation.

That's worrying unless they've always been like this and seem happy...

I agree with pp its inappropriate to make this about your feelings - the issue is whether something is wrong in the life of the still very young child!

Asking a 7 year old about their day isn't a very productive opening for a child who doesn't chat much. Children are notorious for claiming they did "nothing" at school... It'd be more productive to ask low pressure questions about their interests even if those aren't your interests, or to talk about a TV programme you watch together or plan something to do at the weekend together, to get conversation flowing, before you try to fond out what happened at school.

'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' is an often recommend book.

I agree, asking about their day isn't a good conversation starter. It sounds like they need some support in learning to make conversation. We have some cards that we used to use as a family to give us things to talk about.

There are some brilliant ideas on this page:
www.purewow.com/family/conversation-starters-for-kids

DSD was like this so whenever we asked it was 'nothing/I forgot/can't remember' especially about her school day which used to make me annoyed (not that I showed her that) because I'd literally just picked her up from school. You need to just prompt her and not ask the same question like clockwork when you pick her up as she'll be expecting it and you sound like a broken record I.e how was your day/what did you do today every time you walk out of the gates

Instead of pointing it out I started asking her about different but specific things such as 'was X in today? Did you both play or did you go to colouring club at lunch?/was it pizza today at school (knowing it wasn't pizza day)/how was ABC in 123 subject (based on the half term plans set home/photos uploaded by the teacher/how did spelling/maths test go (again already knowing the result as they send it across). I made/make sure I don't started our pick up from school with the same question I asked first the day before and sometimes, I'll just ask about her thoughts on our evening plans such as clubs getting her to have tasks in getting ready for them or what we are having for tea. This started her talking and reeling off all the things she's done, doing, planned that week at school and in turn, filtered into her other activities and conversations with everyone else.

I used to ask my son (and still do sometimes the same questions) what was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing that happened today? What made you laugh the most today? And did anything make you cry or want to cry today? (To be fair I asked the last question because my son was quite a crier, even if a teacher calmly said “don’t do that please”. I found out loads of information that way. X

What do school say, does your child talk to staff and pupils ?

Have you read this? Game changer for us www.waterstones.com/book/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-and-listen-so-kids-will-talk/adele-faber/elaine-mazlish/9781848123090

I’d focus on finding fun or interesting things for both of you to discuss to build a communicative relationship that way. ‘Politeness’ under interrogation conditions is a learnt thing that is secondary to your relationship, I reckon!