Nearly 4 and fussy eating getting worse! What am I doing wrong?!

[MsFrog]

As the title says! My nearly 4 year old DS has been fussy with food since he was about 2.5. The typical stuff, doesn't like vegetables etc. but he also avoids a lot of very "normal" foods, e.g. lasagne, shepherds pie, sandwiches, fish fingers. Even 'treats' like pizza are very hit and miss. Now he's started refusing even more stuff that used to be safe bets - cheese, it was pasta and sausages tonight.

We do all the things we think are "right" - we don't make a fuss, don't try to convince him to eat anything. We don't make him another meal, but we do say he can have something else as well, e.g. tonight he said he didn't want to eat the pasta and asked for bread and butter and cucumber. Ate the cucumber, picked at half the bread. We let him have choices, try to get him involved in cooking but he's not really interested and it doesn't make him more likely to eat anything.

The list of what he'll eat is getting smaller and smaller, and were struggling at mealtimes. We offer lots of picky teas, where I'll put small bowls of ham, chicken, cheese, bread/teacake,
crackers/cheddars, cucumber, apple, grapes, all that sort of thing. He likes those and will usually eat a decent amount, but again it can be hit and miss.

Eats a range of meals a nursery, including veg. Says he likes carrots, brocolli, peppers or whatever at nursery but not at home. 🙄

Anyone come out the other side of this have any clue to to manage/improve the situation?!

Oh gosh, my son was like this at that age. He ate anything and everything when he was first weaned and then the range of what he would eat gradually got smaller and smaller. He even started turning his nose up at things like macaroni cheese which had always been a firm favourite. I’m afraid I don’t have any suggestions for you as I never really did work out what to do about it 😂 He gradually got better but at nearly 14 he is still quite limited in what he likes. The difference is that now he will make a decent attempt to eat what is put in front of him. He doesn’t really hate anything, but will just say he’s ‘not keen’. My understanding is that he would rather just exist on pastry, bread and meat but he knows that isn’t an option so he attempts to eat what he is given and mostly does ok. In contrast, our DD who was weaned in the same way eats pretty much anything so I’ve no idea why it happened with DS.

It sounds to me like you’re doing everything right, though hopefully someone will be along with some ideas. If the picky teas are the most successful, I would just keep doing that, offering new things every so often alongside the old favourites.

Also, if he is eating substantial cooked meals at nursery, that’s a win, because there is less pressure on you to get him to eat his veg at home. I mean, ideally he will eventually, but at least you know he is getting those meals there.

Is he a healthy weight? I have one like that but she is 9 now and not showing much signs of improving. However, she eats enough to be a healthy weight, has a reasonable amount of fruit and the odd spoonful of vegetables so I just try to make sure that there is something on the plate she will eat and leave her to it. She tries lots of foods, just doesn't like any of them. I am hoping that just by exposing her to different things she will be a more adventurous water one day but I must admit I had hoped she would have grown out of it by now!

Thanks @waterlego, glad to hear it's not just us! At least when they get a bit older you can reason with them a bit, and they understand the need for healthy eating!

@raspberryjamchicken yes, actually he is a healthy weight, so he must be getting enough. But god knows what the nutritional value of it is!

@raspberryjamchicken @waterlego do you find it makes mealtimes a right pain? We can't just cook one thing, we are so limited by what he'll have

I used to love cooking now I loathe it because of planning meals! To be honest, I don't make different meals. I either make one of the few things I know everyone will eat or I just make sure there is something she will eat on the plate, usually some form of carbohydrate (preferably bread!). We have got to the stage where because she likes bread, for example, she will dip it in a bit of soup. We don't have a particularly varied mealtime range though. I often look through cookbooks and have to discount virtually everything on the basis DD won't like it. We have joked in the last that we may as well serve up her meal then out it straight in the bin to save time! It's strange because my older DC eats everything.

My DD does like breakfast cereal and sandwiches so she always has an ok breakfast and lunch and we give her a snack like cracker and cheese or breadsticks and raisins after school so I know she's not starving. We got into a routine of always having some kind of berries or tinned fruit after dinner which she will eat and I give her a vitamin every day. Thinking back, she is slightly better now than she was at 4. I think that was about the worst age.

Sorry,that was full of typos. Should say we have joked in the past that we should serve up her meal and put it straight in the bin.

DD was/is like this. Baby-led weaning was fantastic, she ate pretty much everything except cheese (I hate cheese so dont cook with it). Then around 2.5 she started having opinions - fair enough, we all have days of not fancy something but that escalated & gradually got worse to the point we're I could probably count on two hands the number of meals she'd willingly eat. She's now 7.5 & is only just starting, gradually, to come out of it & eat more things/be willing to try more things.
School has definitely helped - having school dinners & peer pressure. Plus we instigated a new rule at family dinner times: she can choose one thing on her plate not to eat, but then she has to eat/try everything else. We obviously don't give her food she actively hates, but I don't pander to her whimsy either. It gives her a sense of control but also she has to weigh up what she prefers least.
It's a slog & DS (nearly 4) is showing signs of refusing more stuff but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel. They're both healthy weights, do sports & activities etc. so I'm not too worried - it's just a real PITA & I dread some family mealtimes.