Difficult Baby = Difficult Child?

[Cornwall403]

Hello

I am new to mumsnet so I apologise for the lack of lingo!

We had our third child in December last year. So he is now 3 months old. Since birth, he has been a terrible sleeper. For the first few weeks he slept for up to 1hr at a time, and I breastfeed, so it was extremely difficult during the night, to the point where I’d sit on the edge of the bed crying. He has slowly got better over the last few weeks, and sometimes sleeps for up to 3 maybe even 4 hours. This is a vast improvement but still awful compared to other people we know, who’ll say theirs sleep for 10-14 hours at a time without a peep! What has prompted me to post today is because he keeps going back to his newborn sleep pattern, and it is soul destroying for both myself and my husband.

Our other son who is now nearly 7 was the same, terrible sleeper and still wakes us multiple times some nights. He has grown up to be a really difficult child in general. The school has recommended he is assessed for ADHD, which we’ve speculated on for years now (literally since he was 2 or 3). He is very very hard work and makes our daughter (3.5 years old) seem like an absolute doddle to be the parent of. We could literally have 4 or 5 clones of her and it would be far less stressful / hard work.

So, the reason for my post, is to ask if any of you guys have had children who were terrible sleepers, but have grown into ‘normal’ happy kids? The reason I ask is because of the similarities in the sleep patterns between our two boys. But also the way our baby does not stop kicking / wriggling his legs when doing something like changing a nappy / clothes. Our daughter just used to lay there placidly until the job was done but our oldest would kick around the same as our baby does now. And when a bit older, he would remove absolutely everything from the changing table i.e. every nappy, bottles of ointment etc, all on the floor in a matter of seconds, one after the other. We thought maybe it was what babies did but now with the hindsight of having our daughter, she’d just lay there as I said.

Some peace of mind is required because I don’t know how we could cope with 2 x children the same as our first. But I would prefer some cold hard truths if that’s what you have!

Thank you in advance.

I think it is really hard to say, because the reasons for poor sleep may vary so much.

ds was an amazing sleeper, then a very very full on energetic child, impossible to change his nappy, always on the go.
dd1 was terrible sleeper for the first 6-7 months, woke to feed every hour. I was at my wits end. She improved when weaned and turned into placid calm child who sleeps loads.
dd2 was in between in terms of sleep, but has been a full on troubled child, who is now a full on troubled teen, with suspected ASD

Sorry, no help really, just to say I am not sure that there is always a link.

Thank you, that does help. I see your point though, can't really read too much into sleep pattern being an indicator for issues later on.

Thanks again.

Eldest was a nightmare sleeper & a very tough baby colicky sickly and just seemed to be very unsettled as a baby till around 15 months - youngest was a dream baby….

Eldest - is now 18 and very chilled as a person. Very very chilled as a toddler/child and easy during teenager years!! She still sleeps rubbish! Can be still wide awake at 2am!

Youngest ..gained devil horns around 18 months is a very spirited child constantly moving! Just about to hit teenager years oh the emotions!!

Both good kids really just one needs little sleep and the other once asleep is our for the count till the alarm in the morning!

My firstborn was a horrible sleeper as a baby and very high maintenance as a baby and toddler. He's still not a "good" sleeper and struggles with insomnia a bit, but is otherwise a sweet, delightful and fairly "easy" 7yo who is emotionally sensitive.

I have 3 ds and they are all v v different, however all were v v v v physical, this is something all three have in common. They never sat placidly until a lot older and now they are older are still quite physical and sporty. This wasn't us pushing this on them but intrinsic to them I know this will be disputed on here but any of my friends with a boy and girl find the boys baby and toddlers busier and more physical and "difficult" than their girl babies and toddlers and I believe as bf babies maybe hungrier. I know this will be disputed though but is there any scientific evidence that boy babies are bigger on average than girls and so need more food and so wake more? Anyway it changes as they get older and then teenagers is a whole different ball game .

Mine was a nightmare baby. Woke at least hourly until 8 months or so. Screamed solidly the first 3 or 4 months then was just furiously grumpy and generally difficult. Also never stopped kicking/arching his back/throwing himself around. Wanted constant stimulation and I lost so much weight permanently carrying him round trying to soothe him. Despised the sling but wanted to be held. His first year or so nearly broke me.

He turned into an absolute dream at 15 months when he could walk and talk. He’s nearly 2 now so it could all change, but he’s pretty easy as far as toddlers go. He’d rather sit and read or sing nursery rhymes then climb things, eats really well, sits nicely in the buggy/high chair/car seat, is equally happy at toddler groups or the supermarket. He’s still low sleep needs, but he does sleep through the night now, but 12h will always be a distant fantasy 😂

So I’m my limited experience, yes, difficult babies can turn into easier children and I currently don’t have any suspicions that my DC isn’t NT.

My youngest has ASD and ADHD and was the most placid baby ever. Slept well, rarely cried or demanded attention. I know my mum was worried because he was almost too placid.

He's a little livewire now so I would say there's not always a correlation!

DD is 2.5, she was breastfed and slept so badly until she was about 2. She wouldn't settle unless she was on me. All of my friends with babies the same age would talk about how they slept through from 3/4 months but now DD sleeps well and is a happy smiley toddler.

A little ray of light for you- DS who was difficult from the get go, is diagnosed with dyspraxia and dyslexia and probably has ASD/Traits at least, was the easiest teen and young man. It's like the management stuff we introduced when he was small made a great foundation for problems in his teens.

Hang in there, it may well get easier very soon!

My brilliant sleeper was a much more challenging toddler/young child than my bad sleeper who was really easy. Easy child is now quite a tricky pre-teen though (currently waiting for ASD assessment) and difficult one is much better.