How does it work with two?

[easysundaymorning]

Just thinking of starting TTC #2. It would mean we would have roughly a two year age gap.

I can't get my head around how it would work with two! Can anyone give me an idea?

Obviously evening and weekends - fine - DH around - but during the day during the week? With Dc1 we just cuddled and watched tv for weeks and I've spent a lovely maternity leave doing fun baby stuff etc.

My DC1 would continue to go to nursery two days a week I think. So that leaves three days with both kids at home. Would it be incredibly stressful? I just can't imagine how I'd cope but I know people do. I do enjoy motherhood and tend to be quite an upbeat person generally. I also breastfed my first and seemed to spend hours with him glued to me.
How could I look after a two year old with a newborn attached to me?

I just can't imagine how it would work on a practical level!

Experienced mothers of two - please help!

You either have a sling or DC2 gets used to being put down. If you are breastfeeding you get used to doing in odd places and standing up (again...sling!) Both children get used to waiting few minutes as you deal with most urgent need first.
DD2 got used to having nearly all her naps in a pram out and about.
You have good days and bad days and before you know it they are running off in opposite directions or playing together etc.

Thanks @Aroundtheworldin80moves helpful advice! It seems like an impossible task but I'm sure the reality will be fine

I posted a very similar thread yesterday (albeit with a more panicked tone!) so you might find some of the advice I was given useful! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/4497629-Practicalities-of-newborn-and-2yo-with-no-family-support-experiences-please?msgid=115625975

You put the baby in a sling and you crack on.

At one point, I had a newborn, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. We all just muddled through, an hour at at time!

Toddlers are can be surprisingly tolerant of time needing to be given to baby. Mine was fine with it, but then was over 3, so more able to understand what was going on than a 2 year old. And also quite good at entertaining herself.

Once you get used to getting all your stuff together for a day out, you may actually find it easier to be out and about than cooped up at home, I found.

I deliberately waited until dc1 was at nursery every morning for this reason. I couldn’t imagine having a 2y old and a newborn.

I waited until my dd went to primary school so i could be lazy on maternity leave again

@easysundaymorning
I am currently in a very similar position to you. Baby is 6 weeks old and I have a nearly 2.5 year old who is home full time with me. I was petrified before I had her about coping with two 🤣
Sling - amazing for being hands free around the house when dealing with the toddler also when walking to the park etc incase I need to run after the toddler!

I breastfed my first too and fondly remember lazy afternoons on the sofa feeding. Not quite so lazy now...but I find breastfeeding very convenient in that you can get a boob out and feed wherever you are (whilst on the floor playing with toddler/ in the garden/whilst reading books before bed etc) rather than waiting for a bottle to be made. I now need to master feeding in the sling.

Currently baby naps in the pram during the day (she sleeps lots!) so I get 1:1 time with toddler. I did prepare a little basket of new bits for when I'm feeding but toddler hasn't needed those as we read a book or she amuses herself and hasn't shown any sign of jealousy etc yet.

Don't feel bad about toddler watching a little more TV than you're used to. One tip I would give is when DH is back to work - always get everyone dressed before you head downstairs. Then one you've had breakfast etc and need to head out, you are ready and not faffing getting dressed.

I'm about to start TTC my second and first is seven months. My baby is ebf and attached to me in a sling a lot still but will be 18 months by then (youngest). Personally, knowing I won't have to leave the house for the school run etc and we can make our own schedule up is a big plus. Newborn won't have to get used to our routine as we won't have one that is set in stone unlike with an older infant. Most of the toddler groups here you can also take a baby as loads of people do, so I'll just have newborn in the sling and toddler in the buggy. Continue with online shopping etc and batch cooking. Loads of friends and family have managed with that kind of age gap so I'm sure I will too. I say all this but it took almost two years to manage to keep a pregnancy.

I don't know, I've found having two kids so hard compared to one! It felt harder than than the change from zero to one, oddly.

Most people say 1-2 is easier than 0-1 so you might find it easier. You just find a routine. I was a single parent and it was fine. It’s always seems harder than it is.

We had a 19 month gap (not intentional)

I’ll be honest i don’t really remember! But we got through it. Neither were good sleepers and for months I was dealing with ds2 all night whereas dh dealt with ds1 just by picking him up and taking him to the spare room to co-sleep which was by far the path of least resistance.

However now I’m really pleased we had two in quick succession. They are like two peas in a pod.

I was convinced I would be fine as I'm very practical and organised... then I had twins on my second go.

As long as you have just the one, get a good sling and you will be grand

My DC2 lived in a cloth wrap sling from ten days old until about 7 months old when he became a capable crawler and 2.5 year old dc1 decided he was her pet, and they became inseparable until they were about 7 and 9.
I just continued dc1's routine with dc2 along for the ride really. I physically can't stand leaving a baby to cry and never did - it was never necessary. We had a few fraught moments when dc1 would climb on a windowsill while I was breastfeeding dc2 and shout her own name, hoping I'd put him down

Nursery days you laze, days with both the kids pretty much just means the little one muddles through with you.

What @SmellyWellyWoo said!

oops pressed send too early - but mostly it was pretty smooth going if very full on.

My gap was just under 2 years and dc1 didn't go to nursery which actually made it easier not harder as I was completely free to structure my own time according to how much sleep we'd had - no set time to be out the door for pick up and drop off.

DC3 was much, much harder as dc1 was at school and dc2 at preschool and I was constantly having to stop those endless early breastfeeds mid way through to put him in the car to fetch or take a sibling, or trying and failing not to wake him when he'd finally fallen asleep because it was time to take or fetch a sibling. So often he'd finally fall asleep just as my alarm went off to get dc1 ready for school...

Ditto to what everyone is saying re slings.
But also for me something emotional just clicked that made it easier. I found my first quite intense, but somehow with two it was a bit more spacious.
Also my family suddenly felt complete, and that made it all doable too, it all just somehow made sense once my second arrived.

My eldest was three when my second was born. Dc1 went to nursery two days a week. On non nursery days, Dc2 spent most of the time attached to me in a sling while I did activities with Dc1. I learned very quickly how to feed in the sling. I went to a lot of toddler groups, where the other mums were happy to hold the baby for a while.

I have found small soft play centres where my 2yo can go off on their own and I can still see them very useful! Like a PP said, my 2yo has been surprisingly tolerant if I say “just a minute I need to change the baby” I try and get them involved too, getting them to pass me a wipe and such. I have found it harder than anticipated, the hardest parts for me are trying to do things at the same time as watching both DC, so I try and be organised like prepare dinner and the changing bag etc the night before.

Your toddler will run the show and your newborn will come along for the ride. So

• breastfeeding will be more on the go e.g at a playgroup, whilst making play dough, in the park

• naps will be in the sling/buggy on the way to whatever you are doing with your toddler. Timings and routines will fit around that.

• you’ll find it exhausting (!) but also much easier than with your first and you won’t worry so much

• you’ll be amazed how much more you can do and how tired it’s possible to be and not die

-you will be literal superwoman if you are all dressed by 10am