13 year old social plans

[Molly2008]

Can I ask how much of your 13yo social plans you organise?

Struggling with son expecting me to arrange things but I think he is old enough to do this himself??

I never got involved just dropped him where he asked to be dropped off and picked him up if he called for a lift. Only really contacted his friends parents to arrange lefts to footie training etc.

DD is older now, but I haven't arranged anything since the start of secondary school. I think the norm is for them to sort stuff out between themselves at that age. Though I did sometimes double check arrangements with other parents when she was younger.

None.

Unless it’s a family thing they sort themselves out.

Actually, I still do some. They arrange between themselves mainly but I have parents numbers and we message back and forth about things. Mainly "your child is at my house - just making sure you know". My daughter is 13.

Zero.
He tells me what he's planning and I tell him in advance if there is anything planned such as family events that would interfere with his social life

Dd is 12. She sorts out her own social life mostly. She arranged to go into town with a friend today for a mooch around the shops and a trip to Costa.

But we live close to most of her friends, within easy walking distance of the town centre, etc.

None. By that age most social plans are made at school or by WhatsApp, Snapchat etc, not by parents.

Look, if at that age someone who goes to school doesn't have a social life outside school then it's one of two things:
(a) they're happy not seeing people outside school
(b) they're not happy seeing people at school

With (a) you simply accept that. Insist on a bit of exercise and fresh air but in terms of other people don't worry.

If it's (b) then obviously it has to be dealt with. I get the impression you don't think this is the case, though - do you know what his friendships at school are like? (not necessarily names, just a general idea)

If it's simply that nobody can be bothered to organise anything, then that's up to them. If he's diffident about asking for lifts, reiterate that you're happy to give them (possibly even including a friend who lives a short distance from you in the other direction)

Yes I think although I'm not certain that it is more a case of no one bothering to organise anything.

We don't live walking distance but there is a regular bus service and I am always offering lifts.

Are boys just rubbish at organising I think there is a certain amount of anxiety about being rejected but more can't be arsed would rather complain that I haven't made any plans for him.

Should add a very active sports man so it's rare we have a weekend with no activity but with a long summer approaching I'm getting nervous about what he will do?? Sit around and complain... at least I'll be able to escape to the office!

I have found the difference between dd and ds huge.

Dd and friends always organising things, always out or round at each other's houses.

DS very little organised in advance spends most of his time chatting through a PlayStation headset (again very sporty so certainly not lacking in exercise or outside time). He is likely to suddenly say I need a lift we're meeting in an hour at the park. Totally out of the blue. Arranged through his headset.

DD would have had any trip planned two weeks in advance, written on the calendar and spent a lot of time talking about it.

I'd let him sit around and complain - might force him to actually make some plans himself