Hey everyone,
This might get long so please bear with me...
Basically we are a family of 5, Mum, Dad, Girl 15 yrs, boy 14 yrs and boy 2 yrs. I am 37 and autistic but I do my absolute best every day to make a happy/healthy and positive home for everyone but it never seems to be enough. We moved house last year and I have been flat out trying to work full time and fix the home up with floor laying and decorating etc as it had none at all. But it takes time and a lot of money, so it's a work in progress.
Anyway, we have cats and one of them pees by the front door and where I don't have floor there yet it smells a bit even with cleaning. So someone came to fix our boiler but complained about it so we then had an inspection from a housing officer as we are housing association. He said there were zero problems apart from the cat wee which is fair enough. He gave me a month to correct it to which I agreed, but the next day we complained because they left us with faulty smoke alarms for 2 months and counting. So then they decided to get social services involved out of spite! So they came round and also said there were no concerns and that we were a lovely relaxed family and that their visit was voluntary so we didn't have to let them be involved.
This whole thing really unsettled all of us and the next day both my teenagers to an overdose... It absolutely shocked me to the core obviously. My step daughter took 6 paracetamol which I think with her is more of a cry for help, This is the 2nd time for her. She has a history of mental health troubles, mostly due to bullying at school. She is very naive and she does really silly stuff and keeps going back to the same toxic "friends". She is getting support at school and waiting to see camhs but the wait is long so we are just trying to help her in the meantime.
So onto my Son, He was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 but he has mostly been ok and it has got less severe as he has got older in most ways. I always thought of him as rock solid mentally but obviously he has kept it all inside. So he took 10 paracetamol cold and flu, 12 propranolol and 2 ibuprofen and some indigestion tablets. Luckily I don't keep all the tablets in one place or I think he would have taken more. There was just a strip of each. They have all been stored in a lockbox now.
Basically what set him off was that he just had his first serious girlfriend and she didn't treat him great as in talking and going off with other boys. He took it really badly and was an absolute mess and very angry and aggressive. We had a really good chat and I told him I was always here for him but it still went and took the overdose. This girl has a huge hold over him and I can't get him to cut her loose. I don't want to push too hard because I think it just makes them more defiant. The worrying thing was that he said he genuinely wanted to die. That killed me inside and made me feel like a crap parent and a failure.
Also, it feels like he is sort of emotionally blackmailing us that if he doesn't get to do what he wants or get away with what he wants, then he could do something else. Like he was going for walks to the local woods etc. It makes me angry as I see it as selfish because I have 4 people to worry about and a very active 2 year old.
It is making me ill with stress and I have to go to work tomorrow so I can't keep an eye on him as I am normally 30-40 miles away. I almost ended up in hospital with covid last month as well so it just feels like I can't catch a break at the moment, although I am trying to stay positive. His mum is not very pro active in trying to help which puts more pressure on me.
I feel like I am getting to the point where I feel like I can't continue and still keep my head above water. Not in a suicidal way but as in I am so stressed and sick with worry. I love my kids more than anything and everything I do is for them and that's hard with being autistic and my own struggle with anxiety etc.
This seems like a non judgemental and friendly place, so I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe speak to anyone who has similar things going on.
Thanks for reading.
Dan